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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just turned on me - help...

321 replies

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:33

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

OP posts:
BibiThree · 14/05/2008 21:35

oh my god. has he ever done this before? Are you okay and do you have someone to call if you need to leave?

bohemianbint · 14/05/2008 21:36

Hello,

shit, I'm sorry, this is really not good. Do you have family or friends nearby that you can speak to right now?

joyfulspike · 14/05/2008 21:36

GET YOUR KIDS AND GET OUT OF THERE! can you go to a relative or friends??

Women's aid should be in your local phone book

His behaviour is NOT your fault.

Jane1979 · 14/05/2008 21:37

I Would recomend doing as he says and getting the kids and going, do you have family near by? get away from this man>

Has this happened before

shinyshoes · 14/05/2008 21:37

SHIT, Can you go somewhere, parents/friends/relatives?.

Please get out even if its for one night, for the sake of the children

MissingMyHeels · 14/05/2008 21:37

What a cunt. I would call the police and report him and make sure it is him who spends the night elsewhere - in the cells.

Has he done this before?

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 21:37

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

He is an arse.

Make it quite clear that that MUST NOT happen again or you will do him for assault.

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 14/05/2008 21:38

Podglet and for you.

Is there anywhere you and the kids can go tonight? Have you got a big family member you can get to come and chuck DP out?

I am so sorry this is happening

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 21:38

oh darling you poor love-is there anywhere you can go?>??? is this a regular occurance? TBH i would call the police?

what a wanker

OracleInaCoracle · 14/05/2008 21:38

omg, that sounds very frightening. are you ok? (silly question, sorry) has this ever happened before?

constancereader · 14/05/2008 21:38

You need to be away from him right now.
Am so sorry this happened.
Can you go to friends or family?

shinyshoes · 14/05/2008 21:39

Actually, no, do not leave.

GET HIS ASS OUTTA THERE.

Call the police, get him in a cell.

evaluate things in the morning

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 21:39

where abouts are you?

madamez · 14/05/2008 21:39

Yup, call the police and get them to take him away for the night. Then get in touch with WOmen's Aid.
It may be that the shock of a night in the cels will sort him out, but if not, you will be better informed of what to do.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS.

lilyloo · 14/05/2008 21:39

TAKE THE KIDS AND GO !

LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 21:39

OMG do you need to go to hospital?

i WOULD call the police and have him taken away no matter how bad his day he is so far out of order and needs to be dragged out of your house while he sobers up and not allowed back in.

I have been abused and they never change.

EffiePerine · 14/05/2008 21:41

Are you OK? Can you get to the GP tomorrow to a) get checked out and b) record that he has hit you

Have you got someone you can stay with for a bit if you need to?

Being drunk is NO excuse for this - would you try and strangle him and then beat him around the head if you had had a few drinks?

sallystrawberry · 14/05/2008 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kayzisexpecting · 14/05/2008 21:41

I'm so sorry for you and so bloody angry.

Get out you and your kids out of there now!

bohemianbint · 14/05/2008 21:41

I second the police thing, at least it will get his behaviour on record. The beer isn't an excuse. Does he have a drink problem generally?

Tortington · 14/05/2008 21:41

police

seriously babe

if nothing else it might make him take you seriously

you aren't alone and i think he needs to realise that the world out there will function to protect you

controlfreakyagain · 14/05/2008 21:41

what has happened is very serious, for you obviously and indirectly for your v young dcs. would you consider involving the police? he has assaulted you. that is a criminal offence. his putting his hands round your throat as you've described is a marker for his being a serious threat to your safety. please take this extremely seriously. involve the police if you feel you can. get yourself some legal advice abbout your rights and what orders you can seek from a civil court to protect yourself and the children.... dont stay there at all tonight if you have a choice or phone the police.

serendippity · 14/05/2008 21:42

Where abouts are you? You could call the police, do it while he is asleep, he has assaulted you and they will arrest him.
Easier said than done , i know.

EffiePerine · 14/05/2008 21:44

Can you call your mum or a friend and get them to come round? I hate to think of you on your own with a tiny baby

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 21:44

please pleaseplease phone the police, be brave

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