DP just turned on me - help...

[podglet]

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

I know we haven't met before but I'm in the same town as you, is there anything I can do?

I hope you are ok.

How awful and scary for you

I think you should do two things, podglet:

• you either call the police tonight or in the morning.
• if your mum doesn't call you back, call someone else. You need to get you and your kids out of there. I don't think you're going to feel safe sleeping in the house.

Don't worry about disturbing people. If you can't contact a friend, call women's aid.

I'm sure this seems like a nightmare but he's hurt you and you need to protect yourself you and your children now.

essex

Ask purpleflower to come and be with you

I would call his sister if you start hiding things and covering for him he will do it again

The women's adi helpline (I linked to it below( is 24 hrs so you don't have to wait till tomorrow if you don't want to

will your DH be at work tomorrow?

I too think you should call his sister.

I am sorry, supported a friend through this before, the poster who said get a little stash ready is right.
When the right time comes, you will go, when you do, we will support you.
We are all strangers on the net, but we do care.
You don't deserve this treatment
((hug))

sorry D P

If you don't want to put your address on there she can e.mail me and I can give it to her. Just text me

OK, ringing women's aid and your HV - that's excellent stuff. I do understand why you wouldn't want to ring the police - it's a huge step to take. I think you should speak to someone tonight though, not leave it till the morning - just because he'll try to worm his way out of it tomorrow morning.

NAB it's ok.. you didn't need to report yourself, Podglet understands. Stop beating yourself up. ((tentative cyber hug))

Gawd, Mumsnet is high on emotion tonight

I am so muddled up. I can't ask Purpleflower, she doesn't need to be caught up in this. I have text his sister (don't want his nephew to pick up the phone to me in tears)

DO - my mum is in Sussex - a 2 hour drive - bit of a taxi fare.

we are all here if you need us.....

god if you were closer I'd be telling you to get a taxi and come over here with your children.

My ex was what you call a pyscho. He abused me in so many ways and only at the end when I start to resist did he start using his fists.

I told nobody because I was not prepared to leave him. I could not cope with people knowing and knowing I was staying. I was ashamed.

The night I called my dad to come and get me was the night it was over. We both knew we could not turn back as it was out there for all to know. It was not as hard as I thought. When I picked myself of the floor after he beat me with a wire hanger I thought that will never happen again.

You are taking the first steps by talking about it albeit in confidence here.Have courage and speak to someone 'real' and you will be thrown a lifeline.This doesnt have to be your life.I promise.
x

He sounds a lot like my xp.

The first 7 or 8 times my xp was aggressive to me I just bottled it up and dealt with it on my own. I couldn't tell anybody. We weren't married and he saw to it that I didn't have any savings, no joint account. Everything suited him.

I left with the children one day. All our stuff is still in that house. I haven't been back. He has come to see the children, but he is angry with me for leaving. The physical aggression to me has been falsely remember as mutual pushing and shoving.

I wish I had reported the violence to the police. It would have made my position a lot stronger now. I thought it would aggravate things further, but he is so angry anyway. I advise you to report him. Further down the line you may regret not reporting him.

I had to go to my M's house, and it was hard, but I haven't regretted it.

This angry man has treated you appallingly, and you have a tiny baby. I wish I could do something to help you because I was in your shoes once.

Leave this man so that you can properly enjoy your daughter's babyhood. I wished my baby's first 6 months away because I couldn't cope and I thought things would get better. They didn't. They got worse.

I understand your reluctance to call the police - it took me 8 years... But seriously don't leave it too long, because a man who is capable of this will more often than not do it again, and the abuse usually gets more and more serious each time. Get advice where you can - internet, Women's Aid, HV, but at the end of the day you have to get to the stage where you don't see any future for yourself where you are. Don't let your self-esteem be so damaged that you don't see the harm being done. Make sure you tell members of your families what has happened, he needs to learn that this behaviour is not acceptable and to be shamed into changing his ways.

FAQ you are a sweetie (Even if you do never acknowledge anything I say to you anymore )

Sorry, I thought she was a lot closer, in the same town.
I know you don't want anybody else to be involved, but if I were purpleflower I would love to be able to halp. Like FAQ I'm too far away

in fact you know if it wasn't for the fact that most long distance taxi companies want payment up front I'd be calling the sodding taxi now and paying for it once you got here.

I'm here if you need me.

Choc Peanut is right - you have taken the first steps by coming on here and being brave enough to write it all down. However that is just the first step.

I have been through dv but thankfully pre-children. I can well understand why you would be frightened to call the police.

In your position it is normal to feel indecisive - you are in shock from the attack, your mind must be in turmoil and you have some big decisions to make at some point. xx

FAQ - you are lovely and so is Purple flower. As, in fact, is everybody. DP's sister has just text back and I have told her a little of what is happened. I think she is on her way over.

I am going to sign off now as she only lives 2 mins away. Thank you again for all your help, I feel a lot calmer and with her here, I think I can make those calls.