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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just turned on me - help...

321 replies

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:33

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

OP posts:
MerlinsBeard · 14/05/2008 21:54

please ring the police. if you dont want to ring 999 then please ring your local manned station.

What if next time he takes it out on the children?

kayzisexpecting · 14/05/2008 21:54

Please ring the police.

He will do it again if you don't let him.

LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 21:55

You are the mother of his children, you have just been through so much, you have so much to deal with already. Jesus how could he ever claim to love you and do this to you?

Pick the phone up and dial before he wakes up.

Dottydot · 14/05/2008 21:55

It's not that late at the moment - is there anyone you can phone now and sneak out with the kids - sounds like your dp's out for the count.

I don't mean to leave forever, but at least shock him into waking up in the morning and realising what's happened.

jingleyjen · 14/05/2008 21:55

first thing..
call the police.
they will come, they will help you.

kayzisexpecting · 14/05/2008 21:55

I mean he will do it again if you let him get away with it.

sallystrawberry · 14/05/2008 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MascaraOHara · 14/05/2008 21:56

Call the police and have them give him a warning. shock enough might be enough for him not to do it again.

You don't sound like you are ready to leave, if you have him arrested this time and if he does do it again, they will know his history.

To be honest though, men who do this once through drink, generally do it again.. expecially if there are underlying trust (and other) issues.

I didn't phone the police (ever) and it was something I sorely regret for a number of reasons. Pride is not always a good thing.

EffiePerine · 14/05/2008 21:56

there is lots of info here

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section=000100010008000100310004&secti onTitle=Recognising+domestic+violence

there is a section on a safety plan which looks v sensible

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 21:56

{angry]

Piffle · 14/05/2008 21:57

ok if you think you will not call police tonight please do what custy said.
make plans for next time. With such a little baby it does make you less able to move quickly. But please do call womens aid or something tomorrow for advice. And if he tries anything else get out.
take care x x

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 21:57

you poorlove-we're here to help you

do you think you will phone thepolice?

QuintessentialShadows · 14/05/2008 21:58

So, an abusive man just upped the stakes and turned into a violent bastard. You have to call the police.

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 21:58
Angry
QuintessentialShadows · 14/05/2008 21:58

Please call the police tonight, dont wait for a next time.

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:58

I can't believe that earlier he was saying that he couldn't get through the day without us to come home to

I have tried to ring my mum but have left a message.

In a terribly English fashion, I am also making tea.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 21:59

I'm sitting here praying she is on the phone right now.

littleducks · 14/05/2008 21:59

if you call them the police will wake him up

YouNeverKnow · 14/05/2008 21:59

call the police please

LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 21:59

Is there any9one else you cna call?

onepieceoflollipop · 14/05/2008 21:59

Yes at least get it on record as Hunker says, even if you feel you can't make a decision to take it further tonight.

My heart goes out to you and your little ones.

Men like this always try to say it is "your fault" it so is not your fault. xx

MascaraOHara · 14/05/2008 21:59

oh and take photos of your bruises regardless of whether or not you go to the police this time.

Califrau · 14/05/2008 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joyfulspike · 14/05/2008 21:59

Even if the police or leaving are not opetions, please tell someone in rl so you're not alone in this.

I really hope this never happens again to you, but if he thinks its ok to verbally abuse you and then that escalates to physical abuer, he probably thinks he can get away with it.

If not for your sake, for the sake of your little ones, do something, please.

Beetroot · 14/05/2008 22:00

Please Pod call the police

are you hurt?
bruised?

where a re you?