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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just turned on me - help...

321 replies

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:33

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

OP posts:
RosaLuxembourg · 14/05/2008 22:00

Does your mum live near you? Would she be able to come round? You need someone there with you.

Dragonbutter · 14/05/2008 22:00

If you don't call the police, I'm afraid he will think you are ok with his behaviour.

QuintessentialShadows · 14/05/2008 22:00

Look, he actually tried to STRANGLE you, he could have KILLED you. He nearly made his children motherless, turning himself into the sole carer of his kids. What are you waiting for??

franch · 14/05/2008 22:00

Please call the police - or at least women's aid, PLUS a family member/friend. And take the children and leave.

You can do it.

Julezboo · 14/05/2008 22:01

Get the kids and call a cab, go to your mums. I am sure she wont mind you just turning up! Where abouts in the country are you??

hunkermunker · 14/05/2008 22:01

Abusive men aren't always nasty. If they were, they wouldn't have anybody to abuse. They're nice enough that they keep their victims close enough and too confused to leave them.

After all, he can't be an abuser if he...

makes you tea

tells you he loves you

smiles at you

is so good with the kids (sometimes)

can he?

Yes. He can. Ring the police. Any actual good man doesn't do this. I promise you.

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 22:01

i can remember when my step dad used to beat my mum and us she would always make a big pot of tea and me,my mum and my sisters used to curl up together in her bed...

funnily enough i drink coffee now!

call the police...

MerlinsBeard · 14/05/2008 22:01

where are you?

Youcannotbeserious · 14/05/2008 22:01

Oh, Podglet....

Has he ever been like this before?

I'd love to be able to say: Wait until he sobers up tomorrow, but it's the classic, isn't it? 'I didn't mean it, It'll never happen again'

I'm not sure about the police, but you do need to see someone about domestic violence and anger management...... Also (perhaps) about the amount he's drinking?

I wish I had something more constructive to say.
YCBS xxx

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 22:02

You owe him nothing, any woman here would call the police, calling the police can't make things worse.

Give me one good solid reaosn not to call them? I'll give you 10 reasons why you should.

littleducks · 14/05/2008 22:02

sorry that was unclear, they will come, wake him and arrest him, he wont be dealt with tonight if he has been drinking (he cant be interviewed under the influence of alcohol)

if you dont want police involved either call womens aid or tell gp/hv tomorrow-it is common for dv to flare up in pregnancy with new baby etc. so it is part of their expertise

Disenchanted · 14/05/2008 22:02

Call the police sweetie,

that way he will be put in a cell for the night and you can have a night free of worrying about him being upstairs whilst you decide what steps you need to take next.

This man stopped being your husband the moment he hit you

Please call the police.

EffiePerine · 14/05/2008 22:03

yes, talking to HV a good idea if you don't want the police involved at this stage.

Disenchanted · 14/05/2008 22:03

NotABanana I think thats REALLY out of order

SlartyBartFast · 14/05/2008 22:03

he can't get away with this

hunkermunker · 14/05/2008 22:03

NotABanana, really not very helpful. Actually pretty unkind. This woman has had a horrible shock and you're piling on the abuse? Please don't.

ChocolateRockingHorse · 14/05/2008 22:04

Why are there so many people on here today/tonight so quick to actually verbally abuse people already in horrible stressful situations?

Podglet I hope you are ok love. You do need to take some action. You can't just take what has happened or it is v.likely to happen again.

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:04

she isn't going to call the police.

she is scared what he will do next if she does call the police

SlartyBartFast · 14/05/2008 22:04

he can't get away with this

Julezboo · 14/05/2008 22:04

NAB is that really going to help this poor women?

She's probably not feeling very strong because she had major surgery 4 weeks ago poor love...

Disenchanted · 14/05/2008 22:05

And shes doesn't need YOU scaring her too!!

DutchOma · 14/05/2008 22:05

Will your mum pick up your message? What time do you think she will be home?

hunkermunker · 14/05/2008 22:05

And you being unpleasant to her is helping exactly how?

But anyway, this isn't about NAB being a bit thick, it's about you, Pod. How do you feel about ringing the police? Do you have any marks where he's hurt you?

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:05

I apologise but I am worried sick about OJ so I am not myself and this just frustrates me when people don't do the right thing.