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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just turned on me - help...

321 replies

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:33

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

OP posts:
jingleyjen · 14/05/2008 22:06

NAB do you really think that speaking to her that way will help her?
If you don't think what you say will make any difference then don't say anything at all.

YouNeverKnow · 14/05/2008 22:06

please call someone

bearmama · 14/05/2008 22:06

Actions speak louder than words.

Doesnt matter what he says,
This is abuse and you need to show him you will not stand for it.

Please do not tolerate this. It is nothing you have done.
He WILL do it again.

I have been there. I walked away.

It is your right, and your dc's to be and feel safe.

Plenty of MNers have been in your shoes, we are here for you.

Youcannotbeserious · 14/05/2008 22:07

Podg... Just take a deep breath.

Notabanana - I'm afraid that sort of talk isn't what is needed.

Has he EVER done anything like this? If you think, for even a second, he might be aggressive when he wakes up, then you DO need to get out of there.

I have no idea where you are, but we've talked on the AN thread. and if there is anything I can do to help I will.

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 22:07

i want to scoop her and her babies up

Disenchanted · 14/05/2008 22:07

Don't do the right thing??

She hasn't done anything right OR wrong here, she has become the victim of abuse, through nothing SHE has done!!

She needs support, not shouting at and to be called a 'fucking idiot'

Honestly

Miggsie · 14/05/2008 22:07

This may sound harsh, but I have some bloody awful inlaws and the pattern goes:

If he truly thinks DS is not his, at some point he will turn on him too.

Good men do not randomly attempt to throttle people as a means of coping with a bad day.

What if he has a REALLY bad day?
You and the DCs could have a bloody terrible day if his coping mechanism is attempted murder.
Don't kid yourself, that is what he just did.

It will get worse...

Get the police.

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:07

I've apologised

YouNeverKnow · 14/05/2008 22:07

me too

where are you? can any of us help???

Beetroot · 14/05/2008 22:08

Okay chaps

calm it down

there are a few sad and worrying things on here tongiht.

so lets remember the MN philosophy

hunkermunker · 14/05/2008 22:08

NAB, s'ok. It's frustrating to be this side of the screen and not able to help.

Pod, do you live near anyone on here?

YouNeverKnow · 14/05/2008 22:08

ahhh COLCHESTER anyone else?

Janos · 14/05/2008 22:08

Please call the police or failing that getyourself and your wee ones out of there. A friend, family anyone who will have you.

Really feel for you. His behaviour is wrong, wrong, wrong and there is no excuse for it.

Wishing you strength x

ChocolateRockingHorse · 14/05/2008 22:09

OJ's situation is horrid, beyond words and it seems so unfair that she has to lose her lovely Steve while other men get to enjoy their health while behaving like abusive pigs. But it's how life is and we have to try and support all our (MN)friends in the kindest way we can. Sorry if that sounds partronsing; don't mean it to be.

Youcannotbeserious · 14/05/2008 22:09

NAB - Agreed - YOu've apologised and I think most of us can see why you would say what you said, but this woman has only recently given birth and, from what I know, this is TOTALLY out of character.

Podglet??? You there?

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 14/05/2008 22:09

good post hunker

i used to be married to a man like this.It took me 5 years to pluck up courage to leave.I thankfully had no children with him.

Podglet.

Phone the police. He has just put his toe in the water. Seems like hes been abusing you for a while (saying ds is not his )and now hes turned violent. If you dont do anything he WILL do it again.

I cant believe hes done this and you have just had a baby,
What a nasty little shit

Disenchanted · 14/05/2008 22:10

Podgelet?

Are you OK?

podglet · 14/05/2008 22:10

I don't have any marks (just been to check) as he got me on each side of my head. He used the flat of his hand too. Sounds like it might be better but he is 6 ft 4 and 18 stone so there was weight behind it.

I am sorry, I don't want to go to the police tonight. I am too confused. I will call womens aid and my HV for advice.

DO - my mum is at my gran's bungalow this week (forgot) there is no phone there and her mobile doesn't work in that area. The only other person is DP's elder sister and I'm not sure she's the right person.

Thank you all so much for your advice and concern. NAB, apology accepted, of course we are all worried about OJ and Steve. My issue is so much smaller.

OP posts:
FAQ · 14/05/2008 22:11

oh god podglet are you ok

sorry stupid question I know. I'm crap at these things. Is there anyone you can stay with tonight?

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 22:11

I have reported myself and I feel thoroughly ashamed.

OP I am sorry

princessmel · 14/05/2008 22:11

I would be scared to call the police too though Can you take the kids and go somewhere else, then call them. that's what I'd do. I think.

jingleyjen · 14/05/2008 22:11

Im not in colchester but in eastanglia.. anyone else close by?

DutchOma · 14/05/2008 22:11

Get a taxi and turn up on the doorstep.

Youcannotbeserious · 14/05/2008 22:12

Oh, flip - Brain not working!

Where is Colchester?

Julezboo · 14/05/2008 22:12

pod, where are you ?

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