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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP just turned on me - help...

321 replies

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:33

DP came home from work tonight with the words "bad day, going to have a beer or 7". Not unusual. He lights the BBQ for the first time (was only built at weekend) and happily pootles about with that for a while. I put DS (18 months) to bed and settle DD (1 month tomorrow). All the while, he is chatting but I can see that the beer has already got to him (find out that the first 3 pints are 8% ers).

Whilst cooking the BBQ, I go out to see what he is doing. I wander up to him as he turns around, pats my stomach and says "are you pg again" er, no I had a baby 4 weeks ago and oddly enough as it was a section, haven't quite toned up again yet. He thinks he is hilarious. I have a mild sense of humour failure.

All through tea he goes on and on about making new friends now we have kids (eh? what's wrong with the old ones). We start talking about a child at DS's nursery and DP thinks he has dubious parentage (don't ask( he then goes on to say that he still isn't sure DS is his (an age old conversation that never fails to irritate me, because he refuses to trust me. DS is his). Rather than bite back, I go quiet. I get on with the clearing up. He goes on and on and on about nothing for a while longer then storms upstairs because I'm being horrible.

I follow him up to find him going to bed. DD is asleep in her moses basket downstairs. He tells me to get my and her stuff and sleep downstairs. i ask him why he is being like this, lose my temper a bit and pull the duvet off him. He responds by leaping out of bed and putting his hands around my throat. I grab at him to make him let go. He then hits me round the head 5 or 6 times before telling me to F* off. I don't know what to do. This is all going to turn out to be my fault toomorrow and I am scared for me and the children. Please help me.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2008 21:44

I'm so sorry. It sounds like the people on this thread are overreacting but I'm afraid they're not
Please get him out of the house, then do you have a friend or family member that can come round? You poor thing

booge · 14/05/2008 21:45

Police.

Tortington · 14/05/2008 21:45

the let this be a warning to you, if yo decide to stay together - which i reckon you will - you need to keep phone numbers, copies of bills, pass ports and birth certificates, stashing some momey away - and a plan - somewhere you can go to at a moments notice. even if you dont leave find out what your financial situation is at home

see a solicitor and the CAB regarding what rights you have over the house etc

just be informed - for next time

becuase i shit you not - no matter how much he creid and is sorry - or "doesn't remember" or loves you more than the world

there will be a next time

it mightbe years

but it will happen

becuase once they cross that road - they know they can

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:46

I'm so scared.

I saw stars when he hit me but I'm ok.
He is asleep in bed right now and I don't know what to do. I'm scared the police will not do anything as he is now asleep. I want to get the kids out but I don't know if I am strong enough.

He hasn't done this before. I know his bad day is not my fault but I don't know what i did either.

OP posts:
NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 14/05/2008 21:47

You are strong enough, get them out of there now.

bohemianbint · 14/05/2008 21:47

I don't think the police will give a shit about his beauty sleep - please call them. Is there no one nearby?

StealthPolarBear · 14/05/2008 21:47

oh no
we're here
please call the police but have a backup plan - can someone come and pick you up?

kayzisexpecting · 14/05/2008 21:47

You are strong enough. Is there somewhere you can stay?

EffiePerine · 14/05/2008 21:48

YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

this is NOT your fault.

no idea what the police can and can't do in the circs, hopefully someone will know

swiftyknickers · 14/05/2008 21:48

phone the police, talk to them, get it on record

he will do it again, annd it sounds like he verbally attacks you anyway

is there anywhere you can go with the kids?

NotABanana · 14/05/2008 21:49

YOU OWE IT TO YOUR KIDS TO PHONE THE POLICE, GET HIM OUT, AND SORT THIS.

Do you want your kids to grow up seeing their mother beaten?!

cocolepew · 14/05/2008 21:49

Please phone the police.

GryffinGirl · 14/05/2008 21:49

we're here for you podglet.

Listen to custardo - she is right about it happening again.

call the police

LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 21:51

How can he sleep after what he has just done? That should show you how little he cares? He has shown no remorse call the police and insist they take him away and call a locksmith and anyone who can coem and stay with you.

I know you are scared but if you do this now he can't do it again if you don't he could do this and worse please get help.

EffiePerine · 14/05/2008 21:51

if you're worried about ringing the police first off, women's aid domestic violence helpline:

0808 2000 247

24 hours

hunkermunker · 14/05/2008 21:51

You aren't his punchbag for when he has a bad day, sweetheart.

And I agree with the others - he will do it again.

You need this on record, even if you don't do anything else just now - ring the police now.

And, as Custardo says - get yourself a leaving plan together.

You poor love - so recently given birth

trixymalixy · 14/05/2008 21:51

Podglet, in no way is this your fault!!!

please call the police.

squeaver · 14/05/2008 21:51

A thought - at the very least, can you take some photos of yourself if you're injuries are visible.

But I'm with all the much wiser heads than me on this thread: phone the police NOW or get yourself and your children out of the house NOW

RosaLuxembourg · 14/05/2008 21:51

YOU didn't do anything. He did. Listen, if you don't do something now, either by leaving yourself or calling the police, he will wake up in the morning and in his mind HE GOT AWAY WITH IT. And because he got away with it, he will do it again and again.
Is that really what you want your children to grow up with? The best time to act is NOW. Don't ever give him a chance to do it again. Because believe me, he will.
Is there anyone in RL you can turn to for help?

QuintessentialShadows · 14/05/2008 21:52

Next time he may understimate his own strenght. Who will take care of your children if he has gone too far?

podglet · 14/05/2008 21:53

Thank you so much everybody. I'm sitting here shaking.

Yes, he is often verbally abusive towards me. He thinks it is funny. Name calling is generally what it is. He'll tall me I'm a fat lazy cow or that I'm a retard or worse. He does it in front of anybody too. What am I doing here? Even as I type I know what this sounds like.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 14/05/2008 21:53

Have you got any marks? Any injuries that need seeing to?

Don't let him get away with this.

Dottydot · 14/05/2008 21:54

If you can't leave right now, please try and start to think about how you might plan to leave or change the locks once he's gone out tomorrow.

Have you got family close by or friends you can go and stay with?

flowerybeanbag · 14/05/2008 21:54

Please call the police and call someone, a friend or family member, to come and be with you.

hunkermunker · 14/05/2008 21:54

Please get this on record. You are likely to need it in the future.