Have I been SA’d?

[MyTealBee]

I’ve spoken to a couple of people about this but wanted to get a wider opinion on the matter. Maybe around 8months-year ago my partner didn’t pull out when I asked him to. On a second occasion I asked him to wear a condom and he didn’t - he didn’t pull out on this occasion either. I’m really confused as to what I feel. This wasn’t for a contraceptive reason, it was just that I didn’t want his semen inside of me on those days. We’ve spoken about and he claims he doesn’t know why he did it. Am I overthinking this or was I sexually assaulted?

Im not making it about me. The person I replied to kept addressing me. I answered them and repeatedly said stop addressing me. I have already vehemently supported op. I stand beside her.

Yeh. That's not true. (You'll be able to see that from viewing this thread)

My opinion probably differs from yours, but I'm up for a civil nuanced debate. This poster doesn't seem to be.

The problem is some of these views threaten to normalise something that shouldn’t be normalised.
it is a difficult area and one which I think legislators are trying to figure out because it isn’t straightforward in terms of the legality.

what should be is educating that it is in theory assault to do so. That it is a joint choice to wear a condom yes but if the woman’s wants it and the man doesn’t (which is his right) sex does not happen. Not as what sadly happens more often than it should sex happening anyway without a condom.

this leaves (as rape crisis who are definitely the go too people for victims to talk to) feeling violated. This violation continues because rather than accepting what he did is the problem and is wrong many try to make excuses for him and make the woman feel like she overreacted

but she didn’t he crossed and violated a boundary of hers and it is on him to understand why it was wrong and to fix it. And to leave her feeling like she is the problem.

You’re just making things up now because you’ve decided you don’t like me. I have absolutely supported OP from my very first comment early in this thread,

“I’m appalled at the comments about this not being serious or assault. It absolutely is assault. You stated your boundaries and he violated them. I would break up with him immediately. I would also suggest that you should contact rape crisis and speak to a professional who will be best placed to advise you. You might want to have a few counselling sessions to gather your feelings on this. I am so very sorry this has happened to you. You’ve been forced into a sexual act that you expressed that you did not want. That’s assault. It doesn’t matter that it’s your current partner. Most women are sexually assaulted by men they know.”

So. Stop spreading false information about other posters whom you disagree with. This isn’t about you or anyone else here. You’re making it about you. You have made it abundantly clear numerous times on this thread that you don’t believe it’s assault and when you’ve been challenged you’ve started reporting those who oppose you. Now, you’re trying to play the victim and say you’ve been bullied. We can all read and if anyone looks back through this thread they will see the truth. Anyone who diminishes sexual assault deserves to be challenged. Now for the last time, stop addressing me and stop spreading false information about me. Move on.

Kindly… Are you out of your tiny mind? A partner has the right to ask their partner not to do anything they are uncomfortable with in ‘the throes of action’.

by your standards so, is it okay for a man to choke a woman without consent because he was in the throes of action and would be expecting too much of him? Is it okay for him to penetrate his female partner anally when she explicitly asked him now to because they were ‘in the throes of action’ and ‘men don’t have that level of control’?

you need to seriously cop yourself on, I sincerely hope you’re not a mother to daughters, or sons for that matter. Your thinking is so incredibly warped.

Men can stop. Men have self control. Saying he couldn’t help it is not so far off the days of “she was wearing a sexy short skirt your honour she was asking for it”. You told him no and he overrode your boundary. You did not give consent in fact you gave explicit instructions NOT to do something to you and he still did. Does he ignore your wishes in other parts of your lives? Discount your opinion? It is up to you where you go from here with your relationship but a line has definitely been crossed and you are here asking about it so it has affected you and it is upsetting you. Think long and hard about if you can accept this kind of behaviour. I hope you are ok and everything works out for you.

Actually accused me of DARVO! Would you believe it? 😂 And also said she hoped I had someone at home with me because I seemed mentally unstable, (or something similar).

OP hasn’t posted in a while now so I hope these minimising remarks haven’t made her feel worse. Hopefully she will speak to rape crisis and someone there can work through this experience with her in a healthy way. 💐