Did he lie about the snip to stop using condoms?!

[Unbelievable27]

I'm fuming.

So I've been seeing this guy casually for a bit. We started off using protection, but he kept complaining about it and wanted to do it without. I held my own for a while, told him I was on no contraception (trying to get my hormones to sync naturally after years of the pill) but he said he will get an STD test done for me and that's when I'm sure he said he had the snip also!!

Anyway a bit of time went on, and after a few drinks one night, I gave in.

From there it has seemed we had already broke that boundary so we carried on unprotected, me convinced it's safe because he's had the snip and I also get myself checked.

Anyway fast forward and I find myself PREGNANT.

I tell him about being late on and my worries of falling pregnant (him still unaware of the pregnancy), so I ask him to confirm if he has had the snip. He tells me that's he's been circumsied and not the snip and perhaps I got confused and to just go and take the morning after pill.

Considering it's been months of unprotected sex, it's a bit late to be suggesting that now and why wasn't he worried of this consequence. I also wouldn't be allowing this if I thought there was a risk of pregnancy.

I'm just in shock and confused because all this time I thought he had the snip and now I'm being told otherwise. I wouldn't just make this up in my head but that's basically what he's telling me.

I don't know what exactly I'm looking for on here - perhaps confirmation that this isn't just something I would make up?! Why was I so sure he had the snip? He must have told me but I'm doubting my own mind now.

Isn’t this as illegal as sneakily taking the condom off?

It's not victim blaming to tell someone not to believe the word of a relative stranger about something as important as contraception.

No.

He could be gaslighting you in which case (even if not legally) it is pretty much rape.

But it's also possible that you misheard/misunderstood/misremembered one comment about getting "the snip". That should have been a whole conversation that you would not be able to forget.

Rape occurs when a man lies about using effective contraception but has, for instance, poked holes in his condoms, or told a woman he had a vasectomy, or told her he is infertile, and she relies on his word and goes ahead.

That’s not rape, it’s immoral and a shitty thing to do but it’s not rape

Bloody hell, this is obscene.

So in other words, blokes can claim they've had a vasectomy and trick women into unwanted pregnancies, abortions and potentially life-threatening parturition - and they will suffer NO consequences?! How sickening.

It's enough to make one fantasize about giving men like this a back-alley vasectomy with a well-placed boot.

Well obviously you tell this man you will not be gaslit, he's a disgusting human being and you and you never want to see his face or penis again. You are pregnant because of his lies and now you have to make a decision. You'll let him know which you choose. Then let him shit his pants for a good while. Make your choice for you.

I'd be fairly confident he is lying, but I can't help but agree with those who have advised never using the phrase "the snip" at all. I mean, who uses the word "vasectomy" so often that saving those three syllables seems necessary?

Thanks and very difficult to believe. So legally the chance to get pregnant is not a material consideration when making decisions about having sex?!

Lots of assumptions here, I genuinely don’t be believe he has lied - why wasn’t there a conversation about it after he told her?

something just doesn’t add up here.

pretty sure it was miscommunication and they are both to blame as much as each other.

plus, If OP keeps the baby it isn’t going to be easy to just get him out of her life if he wants to be involved with his child.

@Unbelievable27

Does your GP have an online booking system which allows you to log-in and book, OP?

It might be best to try to book an appointment for this week, if you can, so that every possible option is available to you.

'Circumcised' is a very different word to 'snip' and 'vasectomy'

He's gaslighting you.

I wouldn't want him in my life going forward no matter what you decide.

He is a liar liar pants on fire!

This to me shows he knew exactly what he was doing, he wanted condom-free sex and would say whatever it took to get it

What an asbolute cunt.

I dont think I could have the baby if it was me (just my feelings, not saying what you should do) because the risk he would want to be involved and having to face my rapist for 18+ years would be too much.

I am sorry he has put you in this awful position.

Why would you have unprotected sex anyway? You are responsible for yourself

Be careful what you wish for. A law that criminalised lying about fertility prior to sex would immediately be turned against every woman whose pill failed.

Id fucking report him to the police. They might not be able to advise much if there's no written evidence etc. But it may well show up on a Claires law check for the next poor woman.

Until about sixty years ago it was very difficult for women to have sex without getting pregnant. Pregnancy has always been a risk for women so it makes no sense for the law to be based on whether it might be a bigger risk or a smaller risk.

Stealthing is rape is because removal of the condom is a physical act that physically alters how the man enters you.

You can get copper IUDs. I also recommend female condoms and kicking any man who moans about not wearing condoms out of your bed.

Why shouldn't they have to??

All adults should take responsibility for their own fertility and reproduction.

You've answered your own question immediately below.

If you want to keep the baby, then prepare for him to be a bad father, and a bad person in my view.

Like many men, he treats women's bodies as if they are machines that can be easily tinkered or 'fixed'. They don't give a shit on how an abortion would affect you, and just take it as a given you'll get on with it.

It's not informed consent.

It's consent through deception.

Do you actually want a baby? He’s a nasty pig for lying to you. I hate the whole man thing of ‘boo hoo I don’t like condoms’ grinds my gears..

I think he'll expect you to take the morning after and get angry if you refuse. He sounds like one of those who thinks it's fine to rely on the MAP as contraception so he can do it without a condom.