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Original poster

Did he lie about the snip to stop using condoms?!

213 replies

Unbelievable27 · 26/03/2025 14:30

I'm fuming.

So I've been seeing this guy casually for a bit. We started off using protection, but he kept complaining about it and wanted to do it without. I held my own for a while, told him I was on no contraception (trying to get my hormones to sync naturally after years of the pill) but he said he will get an STD test done for me and that's when I'm sure he said he had the snip also!!

Anyway a bit of time went on, and after a few drinks one night, I gave in.

From there it has seemed we had already broke that boundary so we carried on unprotected, me convinced it's safe because he's had the snip and I also get myself checked.

Anyway fast forward and I find myself PREGNANT.

I tell him about being late on and my worries of falling pregnant (him still unaware of the pregnancy), so I ask him to confirm if he has had the snip. He tells me that's he's been circumsied and not the snip and perhaps I got confused and to just go and take the morning after pill.

Considering it's been months of unprotected sex, it's a bit late to be suggesting that now and why wasn't he worried of this consequence. I also wouldn't be allowing this if I thought there was a risk of pregnancy.

I'm just in shock and confused because all this time I thought he had the snip and now I'm being told otherwise. I wouldn't just make this up in my head but that's basically what he's telling me.

I don't know what exactly I'm looking for on here - perhaps confirmation that this isn't just something I would make up?! Why was I so sure he had the snip? He must have told me but I'm doubting my own mind now.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Sassybooklover · 26/03/2025 17:24

No one is going to refer to circumcision as the 'snip'. The term 'snip' is a very common slang reference to a vasectomy. To my knowledge it's not a term, used for circumcision. If you were discussing using no contraception, then why would there be any need to mention circumcision - it would be pretty damn obvious, and makes no difference to contraception. So yes, he lied, he wanted sex without condoms, simply because it feels nicer. He didn't think or care about the possibility of pregnancy. He could potentially have children littered around, as I doubt very much this is the first time he's done it.

faerietales · 26/03/2025 17:25

Sassybooklover · 26/03/2025 17:24

No one is going to refer to circumcision as the 'snip'. The term 'snip' is a very common slang reference to a vasectomy. To my knowledge it's not a term, used for circumcision. If you were discussing using no contraception, then why would there be any need to mention circumcision - it would be pretty damn obvious, and makes no difference to contraception. So yes, he lied, he wanted sex without condoms, simply because it feels nicer. He didn't think or care about the possibility of pregnancy. He could potentially have children littered around, as I doubt very much this is the first time he's done it.

OP doesn't remember what he said - she admits that herself.

MoshPitMum · 26/03/2025 17:28

I think as women we worry when the terminology of rape gets chucked around and because OP consented we don’t see it as rape, but it is definitely not the risk free sex she consented to. Someone who knows the intricacies of the law on this matter will surely be along to explain soon. Being a rapist aside, I’d not be trusting the bastard as far as I could throw him and I’d not want to be tied to someone who lied and gaslit me for 18 years.
Mumsnet often suggest abortion without concern for the aftermath and whilst 100% pro choice the aftermath for myself was awful. But I don’t regret it. I see the man I was pregnant too around now and again and he gives me itchy teeth I dislike him so much.
@Unbelievable27 depending on if you want to continue the pregnancy is your choice, but this man needs to go. A pregnancy keeps him in your life.
Im genuinely sorry you’re in this situation and hope that whatever you choose going forward is something you’re supported with. Also I struggled with hormones/contraception and found the copper coil okay after a settling period of about 6 months.

TheHerboriste · 26/03/2025 17:41

Unbelievable27 · 26/03/2025 15:29

Yep hard lesson learnt to take control of contraception myself. I guess I believed him and didn't think it was necessary 😩
I was so focused on getting my hormones to balance naturally that I didn't want to go back on anything if I could help it. Obviously this outcome is worse.

Show quote history

But you could have made him use a condom and used other barrier methods.

You can't saddle a human being with this shitshow of a father; as pp said he probably has numerous other offspring as it is. Don't bring a human into that situation.

suburberphobe · 26/03/2025 17:44

Or use a non hormonal iud - though it used to be they didn't fit those in women who hadn't had kids yet, not sure if it's still the case.

I had one before having DS and he's in his thirties.....

StrawberryDream24 · 26/03/2025 17:47

Kissedbyfire1 · 26/03/2025 16:53

Could be anybody’s.

Show quote history

So could std results.

At what point do you presume everything is a forgery?

In any case, as this unfortunately demonstrates, women can only assure their reproductve and sexual choices by taking full responsibility themselves. They shouldn't have to, but ....

Fioratourer · 26/03/2025 17:48

I’d be really wary of him. He has lied to you knowing if you fell pregnant you would be tied to him. So many red flags. I’m sorry op.

littlepnkapple · 26/03/2025 17:48

KitsyWitsy · 26/03/2025 17:17

She doesn’t even remember the conversation! If it even happened. Come on. They are both to blame here and he is NOT a rapist. Ffs.

This.

Not victim blaming in any way but she thinks he said he had the snip, that's very different to her saying ' he categorically told me he had the snip '

Most men, in his position would say IMO ' i've had the snip, so i can't get you pregnant , so surely we can have sex without the need for a condom' …..

I don't believe any man would say I've had the snip - and leave it at that - and i think very few women would not ask any follow up question.

LlynTegid · 26/03/2025 17:49

I hope that the man can face criminal charges. Or the law be changed so a man like him does in future.

StrawberryDream24 · 26/03/2025 17:49

suburberphobe · 26/03/2025 17:44

Or use a non hormonal iud - though it used to be they didn't fit those in women who hadn't had kids yet, not sure if it's still the case.

I had one before having DS and he's in his thirties.....

I worked in an NHS child health unit that included contraception and got the strong impression they were rarely used in women who hadn't given birth vaginally.

mindutopia · 26/03/2025 17:52

But you said that you’re sure he said he had the snip. When people say that, they mean they really aren’t sure at all. How could this not have been something you had a detailed conversation about? Like that really should be something you confirm, not just drunkenly assume one night. You’ve both been foolish, but ultimately, it’s your job to protect you and you should have had an adult conversation knowing you aren’t on the pill.

littlepnkapple · 26/03/2025 17:52

LlynTegid · 26/03/2025 17:49

I hope that the man can face criminal charges. Or the law be changed so a man like him does in future.

What about the women who lie to men that they are on contraception to purposely get pregnant so they can sponge off the dad for 18 years?

Guarantee you that happens much more often.

StrawberryDream24 · 26/03/2025 17:56

littlepnkapple · 26/03/2025 17:52

What about the women who lie to men that they are on contraception to purposely get pregnant so they can sponge off the dad for 18 years?

Guarantee you that happens much more often.

Show quote history

They couldn't do it if they used condoms.

Same both ways.

The only difference is that women can get the map of a condom visibly fails. A man can't force a woman to get the map if she chooses not to.

TheHerboriste · 26/03/2025 18:00

StrawberryDream24 · 26/03/2025 17:47

So could std results.

At what point do you presume everything is a forgery?

In any case, as this unfortunately demonstrates, women can only assure their reproductve and sexual choices by taking full responsibility themselves. They shouldn't have to, but ....

Edited
Show quote history

Why shouldn't they have to??

All adults should take responsibility for their own fertility and reproduction. Women can insist on condom use; they aren't solely at the man's discretion just because they go on a penis.

"Great that you had "the snip" but I prefer sex with condoms nevertheless. No condom, no sex." It's really not that difficult.

DingDingRound3 · 26/03/2025 18:08

No woman EVER would mishear or get confused on such matters as WE, quite literally get left carrying the baby. He's a gaslighting prick.

Nodddy · 26/03/2025 18:10

Look this is diabolical behaviour from this man. In the best light he's extremely selfish and though contraception is an after thought or for women to sort; at the worst he has lied to you and deliberately impregnated you against your wishes.

However, I know several men from my online gaming community who are circumcised, and I have heard the terms snip, trimmed etc (grim right). In a conversation about std's which it seems to have come up in, it isn't impossible that was the intention or context. That's a very small point though, given the wider very poor behaviour.

faerietales · 26/03/2025 18:12

DingDingRound3 · 26/03/2025 18:08

No woman EVER would mishear or get confused on such matters as WE, quite literally get left carrying the baby. He's a gaslighting prick.

He may well be, but OP still chose to have unprotected sex. Even if he had had a vasectomy, they're not foolproof, and don't protect against STI's either. The only way I would ever have unprotected sex is if I was happy to have a baby at the end of it.

johnd2 · 26/03/2025 18:15

Lots of victim blaming on here and it literally is rape! Ie sex without valid consent.
It's not like "oh you consented to X and not Y so that applies to Y as well"
Consent applies to all conditions not just yes to everything or no to everything.
And you can report it, you have no idea who else he's done it to (and hopefully they reported it) and also there's more they can do than it's your word against his.
Take care

Manxexile · 26/03/2025 18:21

johnd2 · 26/03/2025 18:15

Lots of victim blaming on here and it literally is rape! Ie sex without valid consent.
It's not like "oh you consented to X and not Y so that applies to Y as well"
Consent applies to all conditions not just yes to everything or no to everything.
And you can report it, you have no idea who else he's done it to (and hopefully they reported it) and also there's more they can do than it's your word against his.
Take care

R v Lawrance – Case Summary – IPSA LOQUITUR

Difficult to believe but apparently the court of appeal has already decided that lying about having a vesectomy (ie saying you have when you haven't) is NOT rape....

R v Lawrance – Case Summary

R v Jason Lawrance Court of Appeal Citations: [2020] EWCA Crim 971. Facts The defendant told the complainant that he was infertile because he had a vasectomy. On this basis, she agreed to have unpr…

https://ipsaloquitur.com/criminal-law/cases/r-v-lawrance/

2025willbemytime · 26/03/2025 18:21

I'm so sorry @Unbelievable27 , you're learning a harsh lesson about not giving in and letting someone you don't know trample all over you.

I would be having a termination and ghosting him.

ThDanielDay · 26/03/2025 18:22

johnd2 · 26/03/2025 18:15

Lots of victim blaming on here and it literally is rape! Ie sex without valid consent.
It's not like "oh you consented to X and not Y so that applies to Y as well"
Consent applies to all conditions not just yes to everything or no to everything.
And you can report it, you have no idea who else he's done it to (and hopefully they reported it) and also there's more they can do than it's your word against his.
Take care

Not victim blaming.
He's a scumbag and it's reprehensible and he's placed the OP in a shitty and possibly dangerous situation. But it's not literally or figuratively rape.

In the same way a woman saying she's on the pill isn't sexual assault, it's the act of a selfish disgusting pricks but it's not rape

faerietales · 26/03/2025 18:25

johnd2 · 26/03/2025 18:15

Lots of victim blaming on here and it literally is rape! Ie sex without valid consent.
It's not like "oh you consented to X and not Y so that applies to Y as well"
Consent applies to all conditions not just yes to everything or no to everything.
And you can report it, you have no idea who else he's done it to (and hopefully they reported it) and also there's more they can do than it's your word against his.
Take care

Unfortunately the law disagrees with you.

I'm also not sure anyone is victim blaming - they're just saying that OP chose to take a massive risk by having unprotected sex with a relative stranger, that's all.

sanityisamyth · 26/03/2025 18:26

singlewhitetrashheap · 26/03/2025 16:37

Oh give over. It's a ball of cells at best.

Show quote history

Was about to say the same.

DingDingRound3 · 26/03/2025 18:28

faerietales · 26/03/2025 18:12

He may well be, but OP still chose to have unprotected sex. Even if he had had a vasectomy, they're not foolproof, and don't protect against STI's either. The only way I would ever have unprotected sex is if I was happy to have a baby at the end of it.

Show quote history

Oh give over, talk about victim blaming. The O.05% failure rate for vasectomy is a BETTER rate than condoms.

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