Did he lie about the snip to stop using condoms?!

[Unbelievable27]

I'm fuming.

So I've been seeing this guy casually for a bit. We started off using protection, but he kept complaining about it and wanted to do it without. I held my own for a while, told him I was on no contraception (trying to get my hormones to sync naturally after years of the pill) but he said he will get an STD test done for me and that's when I'm sure he said he had the snip also!!

Anyway a bit of time went on, and after a few drinks one night, I gave in.

From there it has seemed we had already broke that boundary so we carried on unprotected, me convinced it's safe because he's had the snip and I also get myself checked.

Anyway fast forward and I find myself PREGNANT.

I tell him about being late on and my worries of falling pregnant (him still unaware of the pregnancy), so I ask him to confirm if he has had the snip. He tells me that's he's been circumsied and not the snip and perhaps I got confused and to just go and take the morning after pill.

Considering it's been months of unprotected sex, it's a bit late to be suggesting that now and why wasn't he worried of this consequence. I also wouldn't be allowing this if I thought there was a risk of pregnancy.

I'm just in shock and confused because all this time I thought he had the snip and now I'm being told otherwise. I wouldn't just make this up in my head but that's basically what he's telling me.

I don't know what exactly I'm looking for on here - perhaps confirmation that this isn't just something I would make up?! Why was I so sure he had the snip? He must have told me but I'm doubting my own mind now.

There's a very big difference between the words 'snip' and 'circumcision'. He's absolutely gaslighted you, I cannot imagine any woman confusing the two (me neither and I'm hard of hearing).

Which means he's effectively been r*ping you because you did not consent to unprotectedsex with someone who had not had a vasectomy.

I'm so sorry. I would actually consider reporting him if I felt it was safe to do so.

What a cunt. I'm sorry this has happened to you OP.

@Unbelievable27 he is utter scum you need to get him completely out of your life. I don’t think I’d speak to him again, he will not help you process this, he abused your trust knowingly, he will engage in other dysfunctional behaviours given how extreme his last exposition of his dysfunction. The older I get the more dysfunctional I realise a lot of people are. Predominantly men for delivering a lot of shit in my experience and women for rationalising it and enabling it.

You would never have consented to unprotected sex based solely on circumcision.

He raped you if he indeed lied about a vasectomy, and you have ample evidence of him objecting to condoms in the earlier part of the relationship to prove he had been trying to get you to consent to unprotected sex.

Would you say the first time unprotected sex occurred when you were a little the worse for drink?

I'd go to the police, quite frankly. The baby's DNA will have to be taken to prove he was the sperm donor.

She's not to blame for his choice to lie to her.

Well exactly they are two very different things that sound completely different too. But it makes you doubt your own mind as if the conversation never happened. I just know myself I wouldn't have gone through with it without thinking there was some form of contraception in place. He's making it sound like I just made it up in my head now.

Unfortunately I don't think reporting it will get very far without any evidence of him saying this.

Hang on who goes for an STD test and a circumcision or snip at the same time? No one. That’s not how it works. Was he not in pain after?

what was the reasons he apparently had one?

have you noticed if he got a circumcision as surely you would have noticed?

I would no way on earth be having a baby and tied to this wierdo liar for life.

After a sneak peek into his wallet to get his real name off his cards, tell him what his real name is and that you plan to keep the baby and claim child support.

He's a walking justification for the South Korean 4B movement and he deserves to sweat for a few months waiting for a CSA claim, even if you decide to abort.

I was under the impression he had this done prior to me knowing him. He's always been circumcised since having an intimate relationship with him.

The STD test offer was when we were having protected sex - "I'll get an STD test done for you and I've had the snip" trying to release any worries I had.

Well this is how I remember him approaching it but now he's saying otherwise.

Omg I would actually ghost him.

You said ‘I’m sure he said he’d had the snip’.

This is a guy you don’t know very well and you seem to have taken quite a casual attitude towards your body here. Yes, he should have been clearer but you should have stuck to your guns and insisted on condoms. At the end of the day, you’ll be the one left holding the baby when he bogs off 🤷‍♀️

Agreed. And also it's not information he would need to tell you because you'd already had sex before this, albeit with protection, so you would have surely known that he was circumcised.

It's morally reprehensible, an absolute violation of your trust and abusive but it is not rape as PP have claimed

There is your witness evidence.

Have you been through all your WhatsApps/texts with him from that time to see if there is anything that would corroborate your account?

The fact you told him you weren't on the pill (which protects against pregnancy not STIs) is relevant and shows your concern was both things

Yes I did know he was circumcised. He's saying I got confused between the two, basically saying the snip conversation never happened.
But when wanting to not use protection he said he had the snip (so a separate discussion to the circumisation because this wouldn't matter). Otherwise I wouldn't have proceeded with unprotected sex if I thought there was no contraception in place.

Look up stealthing. He has got her pregnant. She will have some kind of health consequence as a result.
How can you say that sex was consensual when he lied about contraception?

I'd have basically wanted it confirmed like 6 times over before I assumed I could lose all contraceptive responsibility.

The people saying rape, do you also think men are raoed of a woman doesn't mention she stopped taking the pill etc?

If a man posted similar he would be told it was his fault and he did the crime he can do the time. "You shouldn't have sex if you aren't prepared to accept the consequences" and "no contraception is 100 percent effective except abstinence".

If he did say it then it's a cunty thing to do but both women and men are capable of being liars, it isn't a solely male phenomenon.

At the end of the day you still have a choice what you do with the pregnancy and you don't have to continue it if you don't want to.

He lied about fertility which is different to contraception.

R v Lawrence

@Unbelievable27, you are a victim of reproductive coercion and where I am (US), that's considered intimate partner violence. You've been abused and no, you aren't responsible for this. You made choices based on the information you were given and he lied.

You might want to contact resources that deal with IPV. I'm sorry this has happened to you.

The STD test offer was when we were having protected sex - "I'll get an STD test done for you and I've had the snip" trying to release any worries I had.
Well this is how I remember him approaching it but now he's saying otherwise

He is an utter piece of shit, there is no denying it but is this really the extent of the conversation you had before deciding to have unprotected sex?

Did he have any testing or just offer to?

LOL reply deleted for telling you the truth.

I would genuinely report him to the police, OP. This is a form of rape. He may have done this before.

He is a prick. But I would advise people not to use euphemisms like "the snip" when discussing something as serious and consequential as a vasectomy. Check what people mean when they say something that is not actually the accurate name of something. He can now employ deniability to say he meant something different when he said "the snip", which would not be possible if he had said "I had a vasectomy".

He does sound confused about reproduction in any case, why was he talking about morning after pills when you mentioned your period was late?

So either he lied about his ability to have children and is continuing to lie or he is irresponsible about birth control. Either way not great.