Did he lie about the snip to stop using condoms?!

[Unbelievable27]

I'm fuming.

So I've been seeing this guy casually for a bit. We started off using protection, but he kept complaining about it and wanted to do it without. I held my own for a while, told him I was on no contraception (trying to get my hormones to sync naturally after years of the pill) but he said he will get an STD test done for me and that's when I'm sure he said he had the snip also!!

Anyway a bit of time went on, and after a few drinks one night, I gave in.

From there it has seemed we had already broke that boundary so we carried on unprotected, me convinced it's safe because he's had the snip and I also get myself checked.

Anyway fast forward and I find myself PREGNANT.

I tell him about being late on and my worries of falling pregnant (him still unaware of the pregnancy), so I ask him to confirm if he has had the snip. He tells me that's he's been circumsied and not the snip and perhaps I got confused and to just go and take the morning after pill.

Considering it's been months of unprotected sex, it's a bit late to be suggesting that now and why wasn't he worried of this consequence. I also wouldn't be allowing this if I thought there was a risk of pregnancy.

I'm just in shock and confused because all this time I thought he had the snip and now I'm being told otherwise. I wouldn't just make this up in my head but that's basically what he's telling me.

I don't know what exactly I'm looking for on here - perhaps confirmation that this isn't just something I would make up?! Why was I so sure he had the snip? He must have told me but I'm doubting my own mind now.

Horrible. He wanted sex without a condom, it's not a 'breeding kink' Sex is better without a condom, it is, but this is horrible. Chuck him and make a decision on what to do next. Good luck.

@Unbelievable27 just a tad late for the morning after pill!! what a fucktard he is!

What does he do for a living? What is he like in general? Is he a bit of a dipstick i.e is there potential that he might have thought he was talking about getting his skin snipped not realising you were talking about his tubes snipped?

Everyone is responsible for their own contraception.

@Unbelievable27 Please see what @MikeWozniaksMohawk says. That is so. I would be tempted to consider talking to the police who "should" at least arrest him and haul him in for a difficult few hours in custody.

Yes it is. She didn’t give consent to unprotected sex with a fertile man and he knew that she would not give consent. He therefore had unprotected sex with her without her consent. Just because wasn’t violent doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape.

You are just as much to blame as him. This is a casual sexual relationship and you decided to stop using condoms based off the fact that you "think" he said he had the snip. How did you only ever ask him this once?
Vasectomies are for people on committed relationships, where you know and trust the person has had one. I would never trust some man that I was casually sleeping with like that, so more fool you.

I’m not sure I’d go as far as calling this rape because I think you sound as bad as each other for not knowing what’s going on and not being careful. Yeah, he’s probably an arsehole and chanced it so he could get bare sex but he’s not a rapist. Those of us who have been raped know what it actually is.

That's true. If a man didnt wear a condom on the understanding his girlfriend was on the pill or similar and then she got pregnant- no one would be defending the man, they would all be saying well if you didn't want to be a dad then you should have worn a condom not relied on someone else being in charge of the contraception.

A scummy thing to do on his part but I guess you know your hormones are fine now.
In forty years of marriage I took control of contraception until I had physical evidence that my husband had a vasectomy. I went to the clinic with him.

No one confuses vasectomy and circumcision. And who refers to circumcision as the snip?
What a bastard.

No, no, no.

She is entitled to rely on the word of a sexual partner without the need for the third degree or any spadework. The deception occurred by his action alone, and the sex that followed was rape.

She is now being lied to - he is telling her he told he had had the snip. That in no way translates to 'I was circumcised' (which she could see for herself - he didn't need to announce that).

What he did was persuade her to have sex under false assurances every bit as surely as if he had poked holes in a condom or taken advantage of her if she were passed out drunk. It was rape and he is a rapist.

Congratulations on the baby. That man is a lying pig though. I had a friend who had sex with different people, this particular man who she was seeing was not of good character, she didn't ever tell him she was pregnant , kept the baby, even though she was living with her family still and dumped the man to save her child from a life like that.

I'm a man and I wouldn't.

Mind you I wouldn't call a vasectomy "the snip" either.

This is one of the problems in talking in euphemisms and slang rather than talking clearly with accurate terminology.

Does he have them regular? Regular sti checks for yourself will help you knowing that you don’t have one but at the same time testing doesn’t prevent them and someone who lies about the snip and doesn’t like using condoms is the last person anyone should be having unprotected sex with

I would report him as there may well have been others. If he gets spoken to/cautioned all the better.

Well apparently some of us who have been raped do not understand the full meaning of the crime. Being as bad as each other (whatever that means) doesn't mean rape has not occurred.

The key to rape is lack of consent. Therefore rape occurs when a man lies to persuade a partner who would not otherwise have sex with him. Rape occurs when a man lies about using effective contraception but has, for instance, poked holes in his condoms, or told a woman he had a vasectomy, or told her he is infertile, and she relies on his word and goes ahead. She has consented based on a lie, and therefore her consent is meaningless and irrelevant.

But she consented to sex so that’s not rape

She doesn’t even remember the conversation! If it even happened. Come on. They are both to blame here and he is NOT a rapist. Ffs.

Lying selfish bastard.

That's it, that's all.

Ditch the man and decide carefully what to do. I know I wouldn't want a baby in these circumstances but cannot make the decision for you.

He's a creep.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/jul/23/judges-rule-lying-about-fertility-to-sexual-partner-is-notWhether deception as to fertility vitiates

I'm afraid you and others who think it's rape might be wrong - difficult as that might be to believe...

R v Lawrance – Case Summary – IPSA LOQUITUR

[Edit cross-posted with @ThDanielDay ]

by that logic, sex between two consenting adults where the woman lies about being on the pill would be a situation where the woman would have raped the man

which I think is rather ridiculous

I find it interesting that everyone is happy to call this man a rapist when OP says herself that she doesn't even remember the conversation about whether he had the snip or not.

From the OP:

he said he will get an STD test done for me and that's when I'm sure he said he had the snip also!!