Did he lie about the snip to stop using condoms?!

[Unbelievable27]

I'm fuming.

So I've been seeing this guy casually for a bit. We started off using protection, but he kept complaining about it and wanted to do it without. I held my own for a while, told him I was on no contraception (trying to get my hormones to sync naturally after years of the pill) but he said he will get an STD test done for me and that's when I'm sure he said he had the snip also!!

Anyway a bit of time went on, and after a few drinks one night, I gave in.

From there it has seemed we had already broke that boundary so we carried on unprotected, me convinced it's safe because he's had the snip and I also get myself checked.

Anyway fast forward and I find myself PREGNANT.

I tell him about being late on and my worries of falling pregnant (him still unaware of the pregnancy), so I ask him to confirm if he has had the snip. He tells me that's he's been circumsied and not the snip and perhaps I got confused and to just go and take the morning after pill.

Considering it's been months of unprotected sex, it's a bit late to be suggesting that now and why wasn't he worried of this consequence. I also wouldn't be allowing this if I thought there was a risk of pregnancy.

I'm just in shock and confused because all this time I thought he had the snip and now I'm being told otherwise. I wouldn't just make this up in my head but that's basically what he's telling me.

I don't know what exactly I'm looking for on here - perhaps confirmation that this isn't just something I would make up?! Why was I so sure he had the snip? He must have told me but I'm doubting my own mind now.

OP clearly says he got checked for STIs and she regularly gets checked.

'ust go and take the morning after pill.'

What a vile excuse for a man to treat an unborn baby as a nothing.

No, this is not rape.

She willingly went on unprotected after time and time again of him whining about condoms. There has been an unfortunate side effect of knowingly carrying on unprotected - pregnancy. OP is just as responsible, and has come looking for sympathy.

The man is a shitbag, but he's not a rapist.

He's a lying shit but you are equally responsible. You are in a casual relationship/situationship and basically put his needs before your own protection, and now you're the one paying the price. If this was the other way around and a man was complaining that he had been caught out because a woman said that she had been sterilised or was on the pill, he would be getting slated for acting irresponsibly and rightly so.

Why would he need to tell a woman he's been intimate with that he's been circumcised?
It's generally obvious.

He also wouldn't mention that in the context of a conversation about contraception; because it has absolutely zero relevance to contraception.

The snip is also a well known, commonly used phrase for a vasectomy.

He's lying.

This is nuclear level gas lighting.

He clearly hoped you'd not fall pregnant.
Pretty stupid hope.

What he's done is surely a crime in some way (?) Whether you'd have any success pursuing him for it, I don't know.

He's a risk taking, deceitful, sly, irresponsible, selfish, gas lighting bastard .....so I'm sorry but I wouldn't be inflicting him on a child and on yourself as a co-parent. It sounds like you aren't considering proceeding with the pregnancy anyway. The sooner, the better by the sounds of it.

There is zero point imho in trying to get him to admit he lied. I would just get the fuck rid of him and never grace him with your presence again.

Unfortunately in future you're going to have to use condoms if you want to stay off hormonal contraception.
Or use a non hormonal iud - though it used to be they didn't fit those in women who hadn't had kids yet, not sure if it's still the case.

Oh give over. It's a ball of cells at best.

What age is he and does he have any kids?

This.

And this is even when you ignore the fact that he pestered you for unprotected sex while you were intoxicated.

but you did say in your op I'm sure he said he had the snip also

so did he say he'd had the snip or did you assume that's what he meant? because if it were me I would want to be completely sure before i chanced getting pregnant

Well she didn't truly consent to unprotected sex .... because she only consented to unprotected sex on the basis of him having had a vasectomy

So that's not true consent.

What the law is on that, I don't know.

It's a form of "strealthing", I suppose.

I'm sorry you're in this mess OP, but it takes two to tango so to speak and personally, I think most on here are jumping the gun calling him all names under the sun.

you said' he said he will get an STD test done for me and that's when I'm sure he said he had the snip also!! ' You seem t be doubting yourself, which makes me wonder if you really did mis-understand him or not hear what he said clearly.

In the heat of the moment, if someone told me they had had the snip, it would take me a while to digest whether that meant a circumcision or vasectomy. And even then i would ask them to confirm what they meant.

Even if he had had a vasectomy and you had unprotected sex, without protection your end, a pregnancy could still happen with relative ease, if the condom wasn't on properly, if it came off during vigorous sex or a faulty condom.

If he did say he had the snip, why didn't you ask further questions? when? why? or clarify exactly what he meant?

That said, if he knew he hadn't had a vasectomy, and he knew that you weren't on any contraception yourself, and he wasn't wearing a condom, i'm not sure what he expected to happen?!

Thing is, how can he prove he’s had a vasectomy? He can’t. Don’t tell him you’re pregnant, dump him and have a termination. You don’t need this POS in your life.

it would take me a while to digest whether that meant a circumcision or vasectomy.

I have never heard "the snip" used to refer to circumcision.

And the context of the conversation was about contraception and std prevention...... So circumcision would be totally irrelevant.

And she'd know he was cut anyway.
He wouldn't need to tell her that
And he'd know he wouldn't need to tell her that.

So . . No.

His medical notes.

A sperm sample result.

I bet he was planning all along to suggest you taking the MAP, though his understanding is as stupid as he is if he thinks you can take it after you've discovered you're pregnant. This one is not a keeper OP.

Op, I'd get your std tests done again.

I don't know how long you had the tests done after you started having unprotected sex but It can take months for some serious ones to show definitively.

Logically he would not need to tell you he had been circumcised-you could see it. So he misled you on having had a vasectomy.

This is why a male pill won't work.

This is why you never believe men you don't know without them showing you medical records. Most people have apps on their phones for their medical stuff, and medical history is usually on there. If it isn't, then you ask for a printed copy.

If people can do it for STDs, they can do it for this.

No, she said he SAID he would get tested.

There is usually a very small scar, but surgical techniques have improved and scars are even tinier now.

Not 100% Effective:
While highly effective, vasectomy is not 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy, with a failure rate estimated at around 1 in 2,000.

Still could have happened regardless.

What a lump of shit he is. I hope you have dumped him, or are about to.

I don't know anyone who would refer to circumcision as getting the snip. If he did then he is either extremely thick (unlikely) or was deliberately misleading you (much more likely, making him a scumbag).

I wonder how many others he has hoodwinked like this, and if so whether and how many children have resulted?

You'll be well rid of him, whether you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy or not.

He's a total arsewipe.

Could be anybody’s.

He’s a complete shit

but I do also think you’ve been incredibly naive to not ask any follow up questions or confirm
I’d never just be off contraception for a casual ‘got the snip’ mentioned one time. I’d have follow questions like when? And did you get the post op check to confirm it worked?

Just getting yourself tested for stds is no good, you’d already have it then, don’t use that as a method of protection, did he get tested too? You only say he offered.

Also Don’t have sex with, or trust men who pester you about condoms!

All that said this is a massive consequence and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this op