It upsets me that DP lacks curiousity

[Soloplay]

DP and I had been going through a really good patch intimacy wise. We faced a really big challenge about a month ago and I was so impressed with how he stepped up and it was great how we supported one another through it.

I'm keen to move on and take some positive steps forward in my life. I'm feeling things slip back slightly to a time when we were more distant. An issue I've always had but kind of accepted is that I have a few more interests than he does and he doesn't seem phased by this. I'm on a weight loss journey at the moment and am being really mindful about cooking us nutritious meals, doing home workouts, plenty of walking and some yoga. I'm also reading, journalling and creating moodboards, and find it really helps me. I try to discuss my challenges and goals and while he listens, he never seems to really engage or ask questions. It makes me feel kind of alone. From what I can see, DP only really uses any free time to scroll YouTube. I've tried to show genuine interest and ask questions about what he's watching and he does tell me about it but I guess I don't want to just ask all the time in case it comes across invasive.

All of this makes me feel that he lacks a lot of interest in both me and life in general. I'd like to address this with him but don't want to come from an accusatory standpoint. How is best to do this?

Accept you're different people and what interests you won't necessarily interest him - if he's happy watching you tube then leave him to it.

Weight loss journeys are only interesting to the people doing them. If he had mood boards and journals for his golf scores, would you be interested in them?

It's not that I mind us doing different things at all, but I think it's important to talk about your interests with one another. He's really into watching stuff about motorbikes which completely bores me, but listening him talk about it enthusiastically doesn't bore me. I like to push more on this and I've realised what he would love to do it save to buy his own motorbike again and ride various routes. I'm keen to support him with this and check in regularly.

I wouldn't personally consider creating moodboards more intellectually curious than watching YouTube. What is he watching? He could be learning something from the videos

100% what pp said.

I've let him know though that something which really helps me is knowing I have his support, and he's not particularly forthcoming with this. I would definitely show interest in anything he created! I love knowing what makes people tick and listening to people talk about what they love.

I'm not drawing a comparison but just pointing out the variety of things I'm trying that he shows no interest in. I've managed to find one thing he enjoys and I try my best to engage.

I'm also reading, journalling and creating moodboard

but also on mumsnet navel gazing about your DP not asking you more questions about this.

It doesn’t seem to be doing you much good….

Anyone “on a journey” of any kind is often boring as anything. Weight loss journeys being extremely boring. No one cares. Motorbikes are far more interesting and the TT and other races are fast approaching so the excitement tends to build on SM and YouTube for that. Do you have anything in common?

Honestly, I’m not remotely interested in DH’s hobbies and if he expected me to sit there and show “curiosity” about them I’d think he was losing his marbles. Similarly if he started making mood boards - sorry! It sounds dull as ditchwater.

If you want someone to talk about your hobbies with then you need to make friends with people who share the same interests as you, not expect him to fake interest just to appease you.

I've noticed something that is bothering me and I'd like to address it. I'd love some advice on how best to approach it.

So it has been good recently
hes been very supportive
and yet you think that you’ll start looking for problems
all this journaling and mood boards and yoga don’t seem to be achieving anything

This. You sound like you believe yourself to be superior to him OP, and that your interests are more worthy. I don't mean to be mean, but it might be helpful to do a bit of naval-gazing and to consider whether you do consider yourself and your interests to be better than his.

Talk. To. Him.

He obviously isn't bothered about your weight, which is a good thing.

This is so interesting! I really thought it was positive to show interest in one another. Maybe I'm just weird to enjoy listening to others talk about what they love.

I hear you OP - he’s just not that interested in finding out what you’re up to/how you’re feeling etc. You want more engagement which is a crucial part of a real relationship.

You could talk to him about it, but whether he’s capable or willing to make a tweak to how he relates to you is another matter. I hope he is.

How long have you been together? And does he expect you to be interested in his work/life/hobbies?
I've been consistently disappointed when dating in the amount of men who expect me to be a free therapist/coach for them while never asking me a single question.

So basically, you want him to change, be something that he is not?

Hi OP @Soloplay

“I'm on a weight loss journey at the moment and am being really mindful about cooking us nutritious meals, doing home workouts, plenty of walking and some yoga. I'm also reading, journalling and creating moodboards, and find it really helps me. I try to discuss my challenges and goals and while he listens, he never seems to really engage or ask questions. ”

I am sorry OP but I would find talk like this / about this kind of thing re someone else incredibly boring. Sorry. These are things I would consider to fall into the category of “personal interest”. Yes he should support you, which it sounds like he does, but engaging in someone else’s mood boards and journalling when I am not on the same “journey” would absolutely bore me to tears.

Can you find other people to talk to about your health / fitness / wellness stuff?

I think your expectations of your DP may be too high.

And this new lifestyle of yours apparently began less than a week ago

I think you have read too many fairy tales .

I think you're getting some snarky comments because your op sounds like it was written by a tiktok wellness influencer! That isn't meant to be cruel.

Aside from weight loss journey, mood boards etc, of course you should show interest in each other. But, no, not necessarily the minutiae of each other's hobbies. I have my interests and my husband has his. We dip in a little bit though. I might ask who won the grand prix. He might ask who died in white lotus. But not much more than that.

But if he shows zero interest in you and your life, that is clearly a big issue.

If my DH was creating mood boards for his hobbies I would absolutely not want to hear about them.