It upsets me that DP lacks curiousity

[Soloplay]

DP and I had been going through a really good patch intimacy wise. We faced a really big challenge about a month ago and I was so impressed with how he stepped up and it was great how we supported one another through it.

I'm keen to move on and take some positive steps forward in my life. I'm feeling things slip back slightly to a time when we were more distant. An issue I've always had but kind of accepted is that I have a few more interests than he does and he doesn't seem phased by this. I'm on a weight loss journey at the moment and am being really mindful about cooking us nutritious meals, doing home workouts, plenty of walking and some yoga. I'm also reading, journalling and creating moodboards, and find it really helps me. I try to discuss my challenges and goals and while he listens, he never seems to really engage or ask questions. It makes me feel kind of alone. From what I can see, DP only really uses any free time to scroll YouTube. I've tried to show genuine interest and ask questions about what he's watching and he does tell me about it but I guess I don't want to just ask all the time in case it comes across invasive.

All of this makes me feel that he lacks a lot of interest in both me and life in general. I'd like to address this with him but don't want to come from an accusatory standpoint. How is best to do this?

I’m really sorry, OP, but I - and I suspect many others - have zero interest in others’ weight loss or exercise regimes. It is just very, very, boring. It doesn’t mean I am not interested in them as people, I’m just not interested in things like their calorie intake or what weight they can now lift.

It’s great that you are taking better care of yourself, but I think you should accept that it is not a hobby nor something which creates interesting talking points. I think you should cut your husband some slack.

Are you sure, @Enjoytherush?

I can see the OP’s other thread about starting to get more interested in sex with her DP after her surgery but nothing about open marriages, unless I’m missing something.

You’re very different people. Im more like your DP in that someone keep asking me about what I’m watching would drive me mad, ditto them telling me about their weight loss or ‘mood board’ - I like to sit in peace not be interrogated.

Maybe you’re just not compatible

Jesus Christ this site does attract people who just love to put the boot in.

OP please ignore the posters who are pretending they have no idea what you're on about. This site is full of people who just love to make the OP (and particularly women) feel shit about themselves. Please don't let them make you feel like you're crazy for wanting basic friendship and respect from your life partner. It's entirely normal to want that! (Doesn't mean he's going to be able to provide it necessarily though, he may be a poor fit for you).

I don't think he needs to be interested in what you are eating and you don't need to be interested in his motorbikes.

You do both need some shared pastimes though (in my opinion) for a good relationship - that could be anythjng hiking/ national trust/ cinema - taking it in turns to choose if you have different tastes/ going to the pub with friends / clubbing/ making travel plans for your holidays - whatever. If you don't do things together regularly (with his phone put well away) then you will feel lonely in this relationship.

I have read this outloud to DH. He laughed a lot and wondered if I wrote it.

I often feel like this but honestly, this is what friends are for.

The point of journalling is keeping things to yourself and working your own shit out. No one is interested in anyone else’s ’journey’ unless they are on the same one.

DH also obsessed with motored things on YouTube. If I do ever ask I glaze over at the answer. He also has friends for that.

I absolutely did not!

It's a man thing... when I'm with my female friends we talk about anything and everything and show genuine interest in each other's work / family/ partners etc. When my OH is at the pub with his mates they talk about sport and take the piss out of each other. If I know he's seen 'Dave' for example and I ask him how Dave's new job is going / if his mum's out of hospital he looks at me blankly, Dave didn't mention it, he hasn't asked, he wasn't even curious. It isnt about him, doesn't affect him directly and therefore of no interest at all!

Well that puts a different spin on things!

Mood boards, journaling (isn’t that keeping a diary?) and a weight loss journey (being on a diet in my day) are only interesting to you. Not remotely interesting to anyone else.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5296400-i-want-him-to-want-me-like-he-used-to?reply=142918918

you fruitcake

here it is

Wow, what a funny way of interpreting it....

It's like I've had some sort of sexual awakening! I initiate when I never did before and I'd be really open to marriage

😂

it is me that’s the fruitcake!! I read this as you asking for an open marriage. Sorry!!

@Enjoytherushthat says “open TO marriage” not wanting an open marriage 😬

I’ve been very dumb!

So what if OPs goals and interests are boring to her partner, it's part of being a partnership to show at least some level of interest! She's not asking him to create mood boards or do yoga with her, she's asking him to, I don't know, maybe suggest a healthy dinner recipe one night, ask how her walk was. You know, a basic level of interest in your partners life and a basic effort towards supporting them in them reaching their goals. If people are happy in relationships that don't include this then great, but to suggest OP is being unreasonable for wanting her partner to be interested in her life is TRULY a new low for how indoctrinated women are to expect so little from men. 'But he's not interested in yoga' what, so you only ever talk to friends, family, partners about their interests, or mutual interests. You never tell your partner how a work meeting went, or something funny that happened at the supermarket? OPs not asking the world here.

I know. I’ve apologised. Sorry op!

I've been with DH for 20 years and he's always been a gamer. Im not. I've never once asked him what game he's playing. Why would I?!

Likewise, I watch a LOT of YouTube and waste a lot of time pissing around on my phone (alongside other interests). I like it and find it helps me to unwind. If he kept asking me what I was watching/reading and trying to spark intellectual debate, I'd find that really irritating!

Go to a motorbike race/rally with him? What did you both enjoy doing when you were dating?

OP, nobody is going to be interested in you going on a diet. My DH is REALLY REALLY interested in cars. He loves them. He’d watch F1 on a loop, can discuss the horse power (whatever that is) of every single car in the motorway, spends his evenings on Autrader engrossed in researching cars he could buy DS who is 16 and doesn’t even have his provisional license yet…you get the idea. I am no more interested in this than I am in ham.

He has a hard job and is a lovely, funny, kind, and otherwise normal partner so I let him get on with it and nod and say hmm when he shows me a another picture of a Vauxhall Corsa on his phone, gleefully proclaiming that it’s a special edition with low mileage for its age.

You are the Vauxhall Corsa of diets. Let him scroll while you do your moodboard. He doesn’t have to be thrilled that you’ve had nothing but 14 eggs and 3 liters of water in a day, or that you’ve written a Danielle Steele novel about your bowel movements. He enjoys doomscrolling. You enjoy fitness journeying. And that is all fine.

what about friends op? Have you got together with friends and been able to chat about your new found interests with them?

This is very funny.

When I saw curosity in the title - I assumed you meant being curious about life/science/ the world generally. Not in yourself. Maybe he feels comfortable with you and doesn't need to be curious -

I guess realistically it's difficult because we're at a time in our lives when our 4 y/o takes up a lot of our time. We really only have that 7.45-9pm slot of 1 on 1 time before bed (we both have to be up early). We have slightly different work start and finish times so this is where I fit in these solo activities. So I feel like we only really have time to discuss what's on our mind and what we've been doing as a way of staying close and getting some quality time together.

Genuinely, weightloss "journeys", journalling, moodboards etc. are boring as fuck. It's like people telling you in detail the weird dream they had last night, or a loooong anecdote about an inconsequential event from their childhood that they endlessly reinterpret and ascribe meaning to.

You do you, but don't expect a captivated audience for your dressed-up navel-gazing.