It upsets me that DP lacks curiousity

[Soloplay]

DP and I had been going through a really good patch intimacy wise. We faced a really big challenge about a month ago and I was so impressed with how he stepped up and it was great how we supported one another through it.

I'm keen to move on and take some positive steps forward in my life. I'm feeling things slip back slightly to a time when we were more distant. An issue I've always had but kind of accepted is that I have a few more interests than he does and he doesn't seem phased by this. I'm on a weight loss journey at the moment and am being really mindful about cooking us nutritious meals, doing home workouts, plenty of walking and some yoga. I'm also reading, journalling and creating moodboards, and find it really helps me. I try to discuss my challenges and goals and while he listens, he never seems to really engage or ask questions. It makes me feel kind of alone. From what I can see, DP only really uses any free time to scroll YouTube. I've tried to show genuine interest and ask questions about what he's watching and he does tell me about it but I guess I don't want to just ask all the time in case it comes across invasive.

All of this makes me feel that he lacks a lot of interest in both me and life in general. I'd like to address this with him but don't want to come from an accusatory standpoint. How is best to do this?

Can’t you use that time to do something as a couple rather than feigning interests in each others hobbies?

@AlphaApple is right tho, I was bored just reading about it.

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to feign interest all the time.

All your 'hobbies' sound like boring mundane things a lot of women do so I honestly wouldn't worry if he isn't paying any interest to them.

I think the thing is, and it’s going to sound mean, is your ‘journey’ and all the mindfulness etc is incredibly boring to other people. He could be supportive, I agree, but that could take the form of not munching away on shit food next to you etc. Not necessarily listening to it. I’d pay little interest too. Also, if I was mindlessly scrolling or watching a video it would irritate the life out of me if my DH kept asking about it in the form of ‘showing interest’.

I think what you're looking for is more connection and I've experienced similar with my DH. What I realised is that we communicate very differently and the intersection on the Venn diagram is actually working on a project, task or game together.

Agreed

I understand what you mean to some extent. You want to be seen and share and connect with your DP. When you’re both busy with work and family life this can be hard. The activities you describe are in the main about self-improvement in some way shape or form which is a personal journey and is about you finding your way to be. You need to do that for and by yourself. Perhaps instead of wanting your DP to be interested in a general way, maybe initiate conversation on something specific eg something on your mood board that reflects something you’d like to do in life- like I’d love to do more walking on the weekend, shall we go to x on Saturday? You mentioned he’d really stepped up on something recently. I think it’s normal to become really close and then need space a bit and repeat. It doesn’t mean the closeness has gone, it’s just we all need space to find our own balance sometimes . Anyway, obviously your relationship is more than what you’ve been able to describe here but I hope this helps.
Best wishes.

I don’t really know how to say this any more tactfully op so I hope you’ll forgive my bluntness but you sound like a walking talking insta cliche with your journeys, and intimacy and mood boards and other zeitgeist guff. I personally would find talk about that sort of stuff mind numbingly dull. And I think you’re trying to make your DH fit that narrative too. But he doesn’t. Because he’s a person with his own thoughts and interests

Just read your other thread and you say you have always been ‘icy’ and only recent changed to now crave attention.

It does seem like you’ve changed after years of your relationship being a certain way and now expect your DP to immediately dance to your tune now because that’s what you’ve decided you want whereas he’s perfectly happy to carry on as you have always done.

Rather than demand he feigns interest in you rambling on about low fat recipes etc, have a proper discussion with him about what you feel you should be sharing. Or accept that your limited time together is about both chilling and not for deep conversation.

I agree that connection is important. DH and I don't really have many hobbies in common but we try to watch some shows together, play the occasional board game etc. I am really not interested in hearing him talk about vintage cars.

The problem is that hobbies are really only interesting to the people doing them. Why not see if there are any fitness or walking groups in your area and join those instead?

I think if my DH started check-ins with me, journalling and creating mood boards I'd get the ick.

Maybe I'm just a bit unreconstructed though.

@MayaPinion I have one of those! Mine could talk for hours about V10s or the pros & cons of hybrid engines (or whatever it is) and frankly after 25 years of marriage knows better than to talk to me about it ditto he has no interest in my obsession with gardening or my quest for dewy youthful skin. We have plenty to talk about but these hobbies/interests are best discussed with mates not partners IMO

@MayaPinion I have one of those! Mine could talk for hours about V10s or the pros & cons of hybrid engines (or whatever it is) and frankly after 25 years of marriage knows better than to talk to me about it ditto he has no interest in my obsession with gardening or my quest for dewy youthful skin. We have plenty to talk about but these hobbies/interests are best discussed with mates not partners IMO

Sorry about use of the word journey, I'm not massively fond of it either - maybe 'plan' would have been better though this seems kind of rigid. I'm just trying to take better care generally after years of disordered eating.

@Enjoytherush as nobody else seems to have said it, I just wanted to say well done on owning your mistake!
And tbh, I read it that way the first time too. 🤣🤣

I would too.

I am going to go against the grain here- yes people might find weight loss journeys boring in general, but if your partner tells you something is important to them you take an interest?!

I don't think OP is expecting him to sit down and moodboard with her, just ask a bit about it.

My partner loves a very specific lower league football team, I couldn't care less but I ask how they're doing and take an interest when he talks because it's important to him.

I'm quite new to mood boards but I'm mainly focusing on home improvements which is something he used to be quite interested in and has agreed we would both love to do more of in this house we haven't been in all that long.

By itself I could have brushed over the word 'journey' but with everything else it was about much

Wanting to eat healthy for the person doing it fine of course but of it becomes a thing you identify by it would be over the top

Or you could just say it as it is. “I’m on a diet”.

Sorry but you sound a bit exhausting. Many people are quite happy having down time to unwind, they don’t need to be achieving things with it or turning it into some discussion points. I’d drop this. If what you really want is him to be more supportive of your weight loss and/or more shared interests then say that. Or maybe you’re not compatible and you need someone more like yourself.

Not on a diet, just trying to be a bit more mindful, including around how we all eat as a family. Diet isn't a particularly helpful term when dealing with a past of disordered eating.

Dunno, seems like you aren't going to be happy what he does.

It seems you want validation from. I would find this annoying if you were my partner. Be happy with what you are doing, validate yourself and let him be happy. You are two different people and don’t have to share everything.