It upsets me that DP lacks curiousity

[Soloplay]

DP and I had been going through a really good patch intimacy wise. We faced a really big challenge about a month ago and I was so impressed with how he stepped up and it was great how we supported one another through it.

I'm keen to move on and take some positive steps forward in my life. I'm feeling things slip back slightly to a time when we were more distant. An issue I've always had but kind of accepted is that I have a few more interests than he does and he doesn't seem phased by this. I'm on a weight loss journey at the moment and am being really mindful about cooking us nutritious meals, doing home workouts, plenty of walking and some yoga. I'm also reading, journalling and creating moodboards, and find it really helps me. I try to discuss my challenges and goals and while he listens, he never seems to really engage or ask questions. It makes me feel kind of alone. From what I can see, DP only really uses any free time to scroll YouTube. I've tried to show genuine interest and ask questions about what he's watching and he does tell me about it but I guess I don't want to just ask all the time in case it comes across invasive.

All of this makes me feel that he lacks a lot of interest in both me and life in general. I'd like to address this with him but don't want to come from an accusatory standpoint. How is best to do this?

The idea of being judged for watching YouTube by someone making a mood board makes me feel claustrophobic.

It does all sound a bit corporate like a task from the apprentice - this week I want the teams to create a mood board journaling their life journey and from the losing team, one of you will be fired. Cue reems of corporate gobbledegook about blue sky thinking and outside the box

Anyone creating moodboards whilst "on a journey" would probably make me turn to drink.

Women and their diets and weight loss is a minefield for men. Mine wont engage on the topic either, and IMO he is wise in that respect.

There was a Thread recently about men not doing evening classes or courses for hobbies etc.
Can it be that sometimes we forget that typical man and typical woman are surprisingly different in so many ways.
Their brain is slightly differently wired. One notices it most in attitude to 'risks'.
Some here are playing the equal and opposite of Professor Higgins, "Why cant a woman be more like a man". It's there. I don't want to play safe all the time. Life is not meant to be lived at 20mph.
OP Can you buy him a motorbike or a serious book on motorcycle design?.

Some of the responses here are really sticking the boot in for no reason.

Journalling is a recognised method of processing thoughts and feelings, I do it as was recommended to me by my CBT therapist.

Moodboards- does nobody have a Pinterest??

Weight loss journey- a bit of an airy fairy TikTok way to describe being on a diet/eating healthier but ultimately nothing people haven’t been doing for centuries.

If you think OP and her partner shouldn’t be interested in one another’s interests that’s one thing (it’s also weird to me but fine) but there’s no need to tear OP to shreds.

Quite. Even just reading the last four words of your post have caused a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Yep, mood boards and weight loss journeys are super dull. It's the equivalent of football leagues or really obscure bands. Just give him an update on the weight loss every now and again. I'm sure he ll engage with that.

You want him to ask questions about your moodboards?

Is this a joke?

So you are a bit of a chatterbox like your parents, and an empath who will pretend to be interested in something boring to be kind to others. Nothing wrong with either of those qualities. They are yours, learned from your family, but not your partner's. Maybe use some of that empathy to understand how he was raised, and what he needs conversationally and relationally to get by.

I don't pretend, I used to for sure but now it's a completely natural curiosity I have in others. But then I'm also one of those who loves listening to what people got up to at the weekend and of course what's for tea tonight! Absolutely, his parents talk over everyone all of the time and show absolutely no interest in anyone else so really I should probably count my blessings that he's nowhere near like them.

Journalling is a recognised method of processing thoughts and feelings

Yes, but it's personal. Isn't that the point? I wouldn't discuss with anyone that I kept a diary, if I did. Or what I wrote in it.

Share your journal entries and moodboards here - we'll critique them! 😉

You see I'm also very curious about others (to the extent that I've been called nosey many times!). I love hearing about others lives. I even love looking at dozens of holidays photos. However, even I wouldn't be interested in mood boards, journals and weight loss journeys. I imagine that men are even less interested in those things than women are.
If his parents never stop talking and talk over others, maybe he's learnt to be quiet.

I get that, I suppose if someone I was close to started journalling I might have a general curiosity about what prompted them and how it helps. This might be way too personal a question for some but DP knows I'm open!

This

For me, journalling often brings up specific thoughts and feelings that I may not have got to otherwise- I would then maybe share these with my partner if I wanted to talk through them. I don't think anything in the OP's post is suggesting she reads out the contents of her journal.

My partner also keeps a journal for his mental health, and again we will often discuss something that comes up for him as a result of it.

No such bloody thing as an empath FFS!

Fair enough.

Can I just add that I've redecorated a whole house (and several of the rooms several times) without ever using a moodboard? I drew a detailed plan of what I wanted where in the kitchen but for everything else I just created what was in my head. DH and I are minimalist in our tastes (though we do like colour in curtains, accessories etc) so perhaps it's easier than trying to decide what prints go with too fussy wallpaper......

We've been together a long time, our children are adults, we don't have hobbies in common (except for a love of good food, which we mainly cook from scratch ourselves) but we talk about other things (USA, Israel, stranded astronauts, global warming, the state of the UK economy, how our children are doing, our aging parents) and if I've spent hours gardening my husband will tell me its looking nice - enough said. You either need to find something outside of you to talk about if you want a decent conversation - if you've had disordered eating he has probably learned not to discuss food or your weight with you so you need to find a safe topic ....

Nothing's wrong with doing any of those things but they're not interesting topics for other people and they don't indicate any sort of intellectual curiosity (well, depending what's on your moodboard I suppose).

There are words/definitions used for people who have no empathy, like "psychopath", and for people who have higher than average levels of empathy, "empaths," although I kind of get what you mean. Whenever I hear "empath" used it's always about a woman, I just hear "woman." But apparently psychotherapists do now accept that "empath" is a thing...

It sounds like you are working hard to make big changes in your life: making yourself curious in others until it feels natural (if it's natural, you don't have to do that much work to make it so), and the weight loss, journaling and mood boards. I don't know how long you've been together, but if the "natural curiosity in others" and the other changes/interests are all within your relationship timescale, he might feel that he doesn't really know who he's with anymore? Some change in people is good, but if a partner is trying to get you interested in it against your will, that is coercive.