It upsets me that DP lacks curiousity

[Soloplay]

DP and I had been going through a really good patch intimacy wise. We faced a really big challenge about a month ago and I was so impressed with how he stepped up and it was great how we supported one another through it.

I'm keen to move on and take some positive steps forward in my life. I'm feeling things slip back slightly to a time when we were more distant. An issue I've always had but kind of accepted is that I have a few more interests than he does and he doesn't seem phased by this. I'm on a weight loss journey at the moment and am being really mindful about cooking us nutritious meals, doing home workouts, plenty of walking and some yoga. I'm also reading, journalling and creating moodboards, and find it really helps me. I try to discuss my challenges and goals and while he listens, he never seems to really engage or ask questions. It makes me feel kind of alone. From what I can see, DP only really uses any free time to scroll YouTube. I've tried to show genuine interest and ask questions about what he's watching and he does tell me about it but I guess I don't want to just ask all the time in case it comes across invasive.

All of this makes me feel that he lacks a lot of interest in both me and life in general. I'd like to address this with him but don't want to come from an accusatory standpoint. How is best to do this?

It sounds like you just don't have much in common. Dh and I have quite a lot of things we're both interested in and other things where we'd each be bored rigid by the other's interest.

Like most women, I've done plenty of dieting, trying to eat more healthily and do more exercise etc over the years. It's not a hobby. It's not interesting. And calling it a journey or a lifestyle change doesn't make it any easier or more interesting. I actually think that the hobby-ification of things like weightloss and housework are really bad for women in general. It's not enough that we feel we ought to do these things - we're supposed to actually enjoy them too!

I never talk about diets or weight loss to ANYONE !!! It’s anti feminist and BORING as hell I’d never bore my partner with gripes about my weight and weight loss journey
and she’s a woman !
id never think for a second a male partner would want to hear this for a second

I’d be enraged if anyone wanted to question or ask me about my scrolling , it’s like looking over your shoulder when you’re reading ,
“ what yer reading?” “ is it a good book?” I’d be soooo irritated having my scrolling and rabbit holes interrogated , they are private and too shallow to actually make conversation about

I absolutely do not expect me and DP to have all of the same interests but sometimes I think it would be nice for him to return the interest I show in him.

Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn't want you to show all that interest in what he's watching or doing. For some people, hobbies are a form of escape and they don't want to share them with other people. They just want to use them as a way to switch off and have a breather from the world.

Moodboards- does nobody have a Pinterest??

A what?

I sometimes join my DP on a journey. He works as a driver and I can occasionally go with him on some of his long journeys.
We have had our best talks in the car with no distractions and it’s easier to talk about any issues when we aren’t facing each other. We go walking too and chat on that journey.
DP spent hours teaching me to drive so that was several months of journeys where he was focused just on me and working on my challenges and goals, I wouldn’t call it a shared hobby but it was something that we worked on together and made us happy.

I also spent hours cooking and baking with DP, if you are interested in eating healthier that’s a good shared interest that benefits you both.

I think everyone can get bored of moods, it’s not healthy to be too moody when there is a choice to communicate in a healthier way.

I vaguely know what it is, I've never looked at it though.

I’m glad someone else asked - not a clue what a mood board or a Pinterest are 🤷‍♀️

I really take issue with you calling weight loss anti feminist. Not that I need to justify but I am obese and need to take some action. I'm more wanting him go get a bit more involved in our food choices and to be encouraging. I lost a lot of weight before lockdown with slimming world and he'd sometimes ask about how it worked and would pick me up strawberries at the shop as he knew I appreciated this.

As stated in my OP, I don't interrogate. Sometimes I'll just ask about it. He's always up for talking about it when I ask.

Why the 🤮 face? Soooo many haters on mumsnet. It’s mad!

Reading through all your posts it seems like you're on a bit of a journey of self-discovery and change at the moment - I wonder if he feels a bit insecure and threatened by your new behaviour and outlook?

Oh dear Lord, really? I just couldn't keep a straight face if someone earnestly informed me they were a bloody empath.

Haters?? Don't be so overly dramatic.

I don't hate the people, but I do hate that every single damn thing these days has to be 'a journey'🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

This.

I would not consider OP's dp as lacking in curiosity for failing to show interest in mood boards, journally or weightloss journeys.

The fact he did not outwardly roll his eyeballs in itself makes him a keeper.

I'd like to know how curious the OP is about the world around her as opposed to 'mindful' mindless self-absorption.

When I hear to the word 'empath', I reach for my gun.

Well, that could be a sign that you score low on the empath scale 😂

Well psychopaths and abusers score low on empathy so good luck with that!