Dh making me out to be crazy when I caught him lying

[Elmer83]

So my husband was away over night for work ( for context he works away quite a lot) but this was only one night away. I tried to call him twice in the evening once I knew his event was finished. No reply. He eventually rang me about 10pm saying he and his colleague were looking for somewhere to eat. (A male colleague) Whilst he was on the phone I could hear a female having a conversation with the other male colleague. No problem with me but I asked “oh and who is the woman that’s with you?” He said there wasn’t one and ended the call. He then called about 7am and I asked “did you find somewhere to eat” and yes he did. I then asked who he ate with and again just this male colleague. I then collected him the next evening from the train station. Again we spoke about his event and his evening and I even said “so just you and Bob ate out” the answer was “yes”
Fast forward to the when we are home and he showed me a few photos and as he scrolled there was a picture he took of a receipt for his evening meal (he took it to claim back in expenses). Guess what…it was for 3 people. So I say, “who was the other person then?” Bearing in mind there had always been only him and Bob. He then came up with”oh our female colleague walked by and saw us so ate with us too”
I was so confused after having two conversations with him about just him and Bob having dinner. When I said I was confused he hit the roof. He actually kicked me in a rage. Now today he’s still angry with me. Telling me I’m crazy…I’m starting to think I am?

@Elmer83 break it up for yourself.
Doctors to get a record
speak to your sister
speak to women’s aid
speaks to police

you may never do all of these .
I think depending on how your leaving process goes will determine what you need to do.

Is your sister free today ?
Women’s aid will give you good support but they do suggest reporting to the police ( especially if it sounds to them you could be in danger )
Its up to you when/if you report though

He sounds like the kind of man who would up the abuse when you tried to leave for this reason you may need this police documented for example if you wanted to stay in the home and get a non molestation order.

You also need to call round some solicitors get your free half hour advice from a few different ( the best ones ) this means he can’t use them.

Get all the paperwork you need stored away and at your sisters.

It seems a lot but do something as you feel ready and tick it off .
Also go on entitied2 and see what support you would be due and what child maintenance he would be expected to pay .

Possibly…again I think at this moment in time, due to this feeling of being absolutely frozen, I just want the assault on record. Without him knowing and any further action.

I know what I need to do, in the sense of making plans to leave but I need to make sure I’m set up for this before I pull the trigger.

Thank you so much. I’be been making notes in my folder on my phone and I plan to Rick at least one of these “to do’s” by the end of today ❤️

I’ve not I’be 🙈

Bloody hell…Tick not Rick 🙈

It’s ok I am too a nightmare for typos

I wonder if typing this to someone would be easier than saying it? An email to your sister for example and then a text just to warn her that it’s there and it’s a difficult one.

The longer you leave it the chances are it’ll just keep happening again. You have to break the cycle, be strong and start to talk to people 🙏🏻

When my daughter had her free half hour with a solicitor I went with her. I did not say anything and sat a bit behind her making notes.

Now he's done it once (and got away with it) he will likely escalate, especially given he's not sorry.

An unlucky move next time might end your life OP. Your kids will have one parent only then and a violent one at that.

Unless you are 100% comfortable with that reality, call the police.

No I don’t think the GP contacted the police. I hope you can get an appointment this week. If you cannot I suggest phoning your local DA service.

Thank you for this advice…can I ask does the GP have to make the police aware or can I go my doctor confidentially?

Thank you for responding. Yes I’ve found my local DV charity and will call them tomorrow once he’s out the house for advice xx

No they don’t make anybody aware. It’s just on record and they can provide this standard letter to you to pass to your solicitor for your DV evidence for the LAA. It’s the document on this link

www.gov.uk/government/publications/get-medical-proof-of-domestic-violence

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it ❤️

Yeah not good.
Mine gaslight me, blamed my medication for being paranoid. I was right all along.

My ex also accused me of being weird and stalkery when I almost caught him ong eh 31st dec during the day. He was meant to be at work..I didn't believe him. He even looked at my dash cam footage to make a point. Shouted at me etc..he has since admitted he was in a hotel around the corner having sex with her. Yet he blamed me at the time for being weird. Even convinced me to change my medication. Men will do all sorts to cover their tracks. You need to leave
. Esp if he's violent

If you can't get in to a GP, go to the police. They can photo and record the bruises anyway.

You are not pulling a trigger. That image won't help you. It's not all or nothing.

You are getting your ducks in a row. One at a time, steady as she goes. Even just a few 'ducks' will help. It will help you feel more confident and it will help others if something happens and it has to be actioned sooner than you'd like, say if he gets violent again and you end up in hospital.

He kicked you and you didn't report him to the police?

When you’re in this type of relationship everything feels terrifying. I didn’t, no. Please don’t judge me for that.

@Elmer83 how are you doing?

I’m doing ok - thank you for asking 🥰 Still here and building on my long term plan to get out.