Boyfriend doesn’t want me to go out with male colleagues. Am I in the wrong?

[Spookybat5]

AIBU to be upset here? I work for a very small remote company (there are only 6 of us).

I am the only female member of staff after the other girl working with us left, which doesn’t bother me at all. I get on really well with my colleagues, they’re all a fair bit older than me and are all married men with older children (I’m 30 with a young child) but we get on really well and they’re really lovely people.

We meet up for a staff meeting / night out quarterly, and my partner has never liked the fact that I’m going out with mostly men. Now that my female colleague has left my partner has really started making nasty comments and remarks to me about it and is making me feel really guilty about going out because it’s apparently ‘weird’ and ‘he wouldn’t go out with a load of women’. I said I wouldn’t mind if you went out with women especially your work colleagues (and he often goes out with female friends and I’ve never had an issue with this) but also these are work related meetings followed by an evening meal and drinks so I can’t really just not go to please him.

I recently was given a promotion and was so excited to share the news with him, I’ve worked extremely hard, and his response was ‘I knew it. He fancies you he’s probably got photos of you hidden in his drawers’ about my boss 🫣

Deeply offended I said do you think I’m so undeserving of a promotion that it was only given to me because he apparently fancies me? And he tried to say it was just a joke, but continued to make sly remarks.

Bear in mind, none of any of the men I work with have EVER been weird with me, made me uncomfortable or been inappropriate in any way. They are all happily married (some for not much less than I’ve been alive!) and have absolutely no interest in me in that way.

Im just feeling a bit upset by it all, I was so excited about the promotion but he’s making me feel guilty for working with men. I didn’t actively choose to work with all men, but I work in a very male dominated field so it’s just part of my job. I feel like he’s making me feel bad so that I don’t go to the meetings, but this job has been fantastic for my career and I don’t want to jeapordise that.

He’s been quite nasty to me this evening because I told him he has no right to question who I’m out with and why I’m going out with work, I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me and I don’t police who he goes out with at all. He says he’s in the right and everyone else will agree with him.

Thoughts?

Well done @Spookybat5
Indeed, well done earlier in recognising you didn't want him living with you as he wasn't prepared to pull his weight wither practically or financially.

Enjoy your night out and enjoy your new job !

Yeah, that poster could have done with reading beyond the first post. All give on one side, all take on the other does not equate to a partnership! Congratulations on your raise and ditching him.

Absolutely there should be give and take in relationships.

But on this occasion he was giving abuse and disrespectful behaviour and you seem to be suggesting the OP should just take it.

Another idiotic opinion.

@Spookybat5 “He says he’s in the right and everyone else will agree with him.”

Show him this thread, and tell him I think he’s being a wab.

@Spookybat5You're right. That's not fair.

Trust. If it’s not there the relationship isn’t worth anything.

@Spookybat5 🥂
Congrats on your promotion and your wise decision to bin the "tantrums must be accepted because free speech" dude.

Another one for team "bin" here.

The fact that you had to ask on MN shows that he has already affected your ability to make a rational judgement about what is reasonable in a relationship.

Get rid. He will make your life a misery..

He’s trying to keep you down, jealous of your career as his own isn’t doing as well. Some men just want to make us smaller, their egos can’t deal with women doing well. If he isn’t supportive of you and your career, he’s not making your life better is he?

It’s also laughable that he expects to be trusted when going out with female friends, yet you can’t be trusted around male colleagues. I feel he’s projecting his own standards onto you, and if he’s not cheating on you he would if he had the chance.