I'm getting the fanny gallops for a man 16 years older than me

[Fannygallopswtf]

What on earth is going on.

I met him at work not long after I started there a few months ago. We hit it off straight away. He's on a different team, but I find myself finding excuses to talk to him and involve him in projects.

BUT.

He's not physically attractive at all. I normally go for younger men. He's obviously much older than me. A bit overweight. A smoker. Basically the opposite of everything I would usually find attractive physically in a man.

But!!

I've just spent all evening texting him after we spent the full day travelling together for work today (a situation which was shamelessly engineered by the two of us so we could spend some time alone together) and I'm getting the serious fanny gallops over him??

Wtf is going on and am I right in thinking it would be a terrible idea to pursue this?

Is he single and a good person? If so, I wouldn't let stuff like him being slightly older and a bit fat bother me. You obviously have chemistry.

He seems to be both. It's his personality that really draws me to him I think, he seems really intelligent and hard working and has really good values. I found out today that he raised his children almost completely by himself which just made me like him more.

It’s often the person you least expect! Go for it, enjoy it and keep us updated ❤️

If you're both single then go for it @Fannygallopswtf

One of the loves of my life was at first sight nothing to look at, overweight & balding totally not my type but it was his personality, humour & kindness that won me over.
After a little while he became a total Adonis & so sexy in my eyes. The most handsomest man that I'd ever met.
And to think I nearly said no thank you because I didn't physically fancy him at first.

Edit: you're/your

That's so lovely to hear!

I'm not looking for a relationship in the slightest and the fact that we work together makes me think it would be a terrible idea. But I can't deny how much I'm drawn to him or the butterflies I'm getting!

If the worst thing happens that you have an amazingly fun passionate affair, then nobody died😜😜
Keep us updated !!

Personality over looks is the winner 😍.

I'd be careful over doing any more "engineering" of work situations. People will start to get pissy if he (or you) are getting favoured for opportunities in team for projects that would otherwise be available more widely. And quite rightly. You don't want to end up with grievances raised etc.

You're speaking a lot outside of work now, so keep it out of work decisions.

You clearly have chemistry, so go for it!

Definitely keep it out of work as that could get difficult.

I would go for it if I were you, fanny gallops don’t happen very often, enjoy OP!

If he's a smoker of a certain age I'd be thinking ED personally 😂

Sounds like fun, but agree with @category12 you need to draw better boundaries at work now. Otherwise you'll end up being office gossip

Anyone can fancy anyone, pretty much. Just because you have a‘type’ doesn’t mean you will always stick to it.

Don’t know, but I love ‘funny gallops’

This is a lovely situation where you don't fancy someone at first but it grows. Pretty soon it will hit you and you're going to think he's gorgeous.

It's true what they say. Only a personality makes someone beautiful

♥️

The older I get the more I understand that chemistry can happen with anyone and age/looks are unimportant.
Just exercise caution around the fact that you work together, otherwise, enjoy the gallops!

Go with the flow and enjoy the journey... you must update us in the weeks to come if it develops

My DP was ‘not my type’ when we met at work. That was 22 years ago.

Go for it.

I hear what you're all saying about work. The last thing I want is a reputation.

I have a list of about 20 reasons why dating anyone (and especially him) would be a bad idea but I can't deny how giddy he makes me feel. He's told me that he feels the same.

I feel so shallow for focusing on his physical appearance. It's a bit of a Charlotte York/Harry Goldenblatt situation. We're not an obvious match at all.

Anyway. In terms of updates. Last night I agreed to go for a drink with him. He's asked me before and I said no, but after spending the day together it was so obvious how well we get along so he asked again. So I'll let you know how it goes!

Good luck!!

What will it be like at work if it ends badly?

Sometimes it's just the attention that can seem intoxicating. I had a crush like this on a 15-years-older man (a long time family friend) when I became single. First attention I'd had in a long time and it was very exciting, but I had an idealised vision in my head of what it would be like, based on our chemistry, rather than experience of being with him intimately. When we got into a "situationship" (pre-full blown relationship) the reality was different. I started to see his flaws and for me it quickly died a death, although for him he was still very keen. Before you do anything, give some thought to how it will affect your working life if it doesn't work out.

If you could avoid him in that scenario (where it ends badly) then I'd crack on

I met my (older) husband at work. Of course you should be cautious of any potential relationship affecting your work but what if he’s the one for you and you walked away because of a concern about work - I say go for it, lots of people meet and work.

My husband was pretty senior when we met so that was another added complication, we just made sure to be very open with HR about it.