I'm getting the fanny gallops for a man 16 years older than me

[Fannygallopswtf]

What on earth is going on.

I met him at work not long after I started there a few months ago. We hit it off straight away. He's on a different team, but I find myself finding excuses to talk to him and involve him in projects.

BUT.

He's not physically attractive at all. I normally go for younger men. He's obviously much older than me. A bit overweight. A smoker. Basically the opposite of everything I would usually find attractive physically in a man.

But!!

I've just spent all evening texting him after we spent the full day travelling together for work today (a situation which was shamelessly engineered by the two of us so we could spend some time alone together) and I'm getting the serious fanny gallops over him??

Wtf is going on and am I right in thinking it would be a terrible idea to pursue this?

I'm off to google - I have a huge crush on Gillian Anderson so if it's good enough for her!!

Yeah, I'm generally dubious of men with these sorts of stories too. I've had far too many bad experiences at the hands of men!

He didn't badmouth her though - the topic of being a single parent came up (I am one) and he said that he'd been there too. When I questioned what happened he just said that his ex 'struggled to get her stuff together' after they separated and it wasn't good for the kids, so he went to court for full access. Apparently she didn't contest it or make much effort to see them afterwards. How true that story is I have no idea.

Honestly - I have a list as long as my arm about why I'm nervous about dating men, nevermind a man at work - but here the fanny gallops have brought me!

How old are you both? I have a friend who met her husband when she was 30 and he was 45, she’s now 62 and he is 77 and the last few years have been hard as she is still fit and active and he has had replacement hips and knees and cataract operations and wants to stay home and she want to travel still and he is stopping her.

She's had two husbands, I'm referring to her current partner, Peter "punching" Morgan. Talented playwright though.... but Gillian? Anyone would be punching, no? He has 5 children, doubt he got the "I parented all by myself" line past her!!

I just love the term ' fanny gallops' 🤣🤣 so if I had them I'd definitely go for it!! It doesn't have to be a lifelong commitment, see what happens.

"How true that story is I have no idea." You need to find out. You need to meet some of his friends to get the low-down on that. Many women struggle after a break up, but I have to wonder if he had a role in that mental health breakdown, because so few women would not "make much effort" to see their own kids. Some men want custody to win, and if they have more money than their vulnerable exes to spend on lawyers, they do! I am feeling uncomfortable about his language around this, the kind of, "She was crazy so I rescued the kids," story that serves him but not her. It also sounds dispassionate. My ex tried it (very wealthy and just wanted to win all the battles) and my lawyer said "you'd have to be drunk 24/7 and living in a ditch for the courts to give him full custody." It happens I know, but it's very, very rare to take kids off a mother for what sounds like a short spell of losing her shit. If she wasn't harming herself or them, I am smelling bullshit.

I'm 37 and he's 16 years older, so 53.

I normally go for younger guys, my ex husband is 5 years younger than me. So this is very left field.

I'm definitely not thinking long term right now but that is something else to consider - I'm pretty into the gym and staying fit etc.

I've been in 2 abusive relationships in the past so I am definitely not the sort of woman who blindly accepts whatever stories men churn out. This has all crossed my mind.

The problem is there's no way to find out more without getting invested is there??

He’s “office hot”, OP - someone who you would never look twice at outside the workplace. it’s a phenomenon we are powerless against 😂 Maybe ask your friends what they think of him

Spoilsport! 🤣 Well she won't know till she tries, it'll certainly slow the fanny gallops' down to a trot if so 😁

I was just going to reference Charlotte and Harry.

I vote pursue and tell us all about it!!!!

You must find out before "getting invested." You ask questions on your date. Remember, the date is to see if you think he aligns with your values; you know there's sexual chemistry, so dig deep about the ex and the kids. I'd be bold and say something like "it's rare as rocking horse shit for mother's to lose custody, what happened there?" That's me though, I just wade right in now, because like you I've been burned too, but really, how he reacts to intimate questions tells you everything too. Remember, there is no legal aid for women any more; wealthier males win in court all the time; find out if she worked, what she did, try and see who had the money. Ask if they are still friends now? Find out if he has compassion, or if he's a controlling arsehole, basically.

The problem is there's no way to find out more without getting invested is there??

@Fannygallopswtf - I think you can, see him a couple of times out of work and keep all these "what ifs" in your mind.... you don't need to be fully invested to go on a couple of dates and would know a lot more.

Have a general Google about him. Look on SM.

This is good advice. I'm all for being cynical and upfront about this stuff. He doesn't seem wealthy in the slightest but I'm definitely of the opinion that men shouldn't be trusted until they've proven otherwise.

Aaaand this is why I tend to avoid dating! I always overthink it!

When DH and I “came out” as a couple people were gobsmacked. 100% different backgrounds, types of people, etc etc. Still very very happily together 18 years later. It’s definitely the core values that matter.

Being cynical and upfront isn't "over-thinking", it's smart as hell. You wade in and find out what you need to know before getting naked with someone you might have to have awkward chat with at the water cooler!!

I thought she was supposed to have had a relationship with Mads Mikkelson.

(While they were both with partners).

Anyway op, 16 yrs older, a smoker and overweight...... How do you see that panning out if if becomes a long term relationship?

I wait with bated breath for the day a man posts on this forum about his feelings for a 16 yrs older, overweight female work colleague.

She has split up with Peter, you're right. Anyone know who is currently punching with Gillian?

😂

For balance, my husband is older than me (similar to your age gap) used to smoke, not usually my type but he’s amazing. And no issues with ED 🤣 (in fact it makes me laugh that this is where people’s heads go when I often hear people complaining about how ‘dry’ their love life is and ours is very much not).

This! Check your employee handbook and see what the position is on relationships within the company. It may sound boring but in some careers non disclosure to HR can be gross misconduct.

Taking that aside, I am much more attracted to personality than physical features and I too have ended up with men that you wouldn’t class as handsome. But if the personality is there they too turn into the most gorgeous person whom I’ve been head over heels with. If the spark is there and there’s no other barrier then enjoy and have fun and see what happens.

Sometimes it may not be what you’re looking for and then BAM - that’s when love finds you!

I can't get past the phrase "fanny gallop's"
It's making me cringe 😬 🤣🤣