I'm getting the fanny gallops for a man 16 years older than me

[Fannygallopswtf]

What on earth is going on.

I met him at work not long after I started there a few months ago. We hit it off straight away. He's on a different team, but I find myself finding excuses to talk to him and involve him in projects.

BUT.

He's not physically attractive at all. I normally go for younger men. He's obviously much older than me. A bit overweight. A smoker. Basically the opposite of everything I would usually find attractive physically in a man.

But!!

I've just spent all evening texting him after we spent the full day travelling together for work today (a situation which was shamelessly engineered by the two of us so we could spend some time alone together) and I'm getting the serious fanny gallops over him??

Wtf is going on and am I right in thinking it would be a terrible idea to pursue this?

Slightly older! He took his GCSEs before she was born!

I don't think GCSEs existed in 1987 😂

I am a grown woman though!! So it doesn't feel predatory.

You may well just be liking that he likes you. It's easy to conflate the warm fuzzies from the ego boost of knowing someone's interested and the fun of the flirting with a reciprocal attraction.

I've wondered this, but at the risk of sounding like a massive twat, I've had several people show their interest in me since I separated from my ex husband. And I've batted them all away, except for one who I had a one night stand with, and that's only because I knew he wouldn't want more than that, so I thought fuck it why not.

I'm quite content with being single and not really in need of an ego boost.

I batted this one away the first time he asked me out too, but the connection just seems to keep growing. Hence me wondering what the fuck is going on!

Re the bringing up the kids - I don’t think a court would lightly take a view on granting sole custody to a father, not without good reason. He’d be a fool to lie about that (but there some fools about). I’d try and check that out but there’s an element of getting invested before being in a position to check this.

Do you report to him at work? It’s difficult being able to separate that but if you could move teams easily (if this is your position) then go for it, after discreetly informing HR.

You don’t want to be the subject of office gossip - I’m speaking as someone who got together with my boss when I was his secretary (and e we’re both single but had a family and that was nineteen years ago).

I wouldn’t worry about any of it OP. Get dressed up, go out, have a nice time. Billions of people get together with work colleagues and millions have relationships with people a few years older / younger. What fucking difference does it make that he was taking his GCSEs when you were born?? I couldn’t give a toss about stuff like that. You are both single parents, who get on well. Your 37, not 17.

I don't mean to be harsh but honestly he's punching and that'll come out sooner or later. You're just in a sort of honeymoon phase ATM.

OP please come back and let us know how the date goes in 2 weeks!

I will!

I've also got 2 weeks of working with him to get through til then!

He's not my manager or more senior than me or anything, we're probably about the same level in different parts of the business. But my job involves reaching out to different business areas for support depending on what I'm dealing with. So I find myself asking for his help regularly.

I'm still team go for it. So what if there's an age gap. Just keep things the same at work, no one needs to know about it. No one knows at my work that we've been together and we work in same department just never seem to work directly together.
Also, my dad was a single parent (with help from grandparents) because my mum passed young. Just go into it with a level head and don't think anything too serious right now

He's not necessarily punching if he's got a great personality, is generally a lovely person and they get on really well. I think people can become attractive as you get to know them. Good looks etc don't really mean anyway at the end of the day if the personality doesn't match up.

To be fair they do exist. Our old next door neighbours wife left him and their kids when the children were in primary school. He totally stepped up.

He was a bit of a knob generally but he did ok by those kids.

They did..

Don’t overthink it OP and just see how the connection develops. You’ve obviously been hurt before but this guy seems a genuine nice guy if we take him at face value and why shouldn’t you? He’s given you no reason to believe he’s anything but so I’m all for a healthy dose of caution but don’t let it hold you back.

I wouldn’t let his age put you off too much either, you don’t know what life has in store for you. My husband is older than me, we are both slightly older than your ages but he’d still be up for it every day whilst peri-menopause has killed my libido. I also know people in relationships where it is the younger person who has had more health issues too!

Ish
I took my exams then. A mix of O levels and 16^^

16 plus. Phone went bonkers
Enjoy OP and love the fanny gallop comments

Sorry Couldnt let this one go. Im 51 and my lover is 68 so 17 years older , overweight a smoker, and diabetic and has no problem in this department

Fanny Gallops 🤣🤣🤣

If he seems like a nice bloke go for it!

Still here waiting for my 28 year old Adonis.

This really. As long as OP isn’t planning an imminent wedding then why not have some fun and see. Meeting at work used to be one of the most common ways to get together.

First year of GCSE exams was 1988.
I sat O levels early in 1987 and the rest of my exams were then GCSE.

Did he though? My friend’s boyfriend told her that he was practically raising his kids alone. He wasn’t- he co- parented with his ex (and was fucking useless at it). Now my friend is mostly doing his bit.

Be careful with men who over promote themselves.

@RedCatBlueCatYellowCat yes i was part of the second cohort that had GCSEs I left school in 1989

I am afraid I think that a decent man would help the mother of his children ‘get her stuff together’ and not go straight to court. There may have been a long period of him doing this, or trying, but court and changing residency is the last resort and makes things very adversarial. So yes, I do think you need a bit more information there.
It may well have been that the parents decided this arrangement was best for the child, and that is good and well, but the language used around it doesn’t sound like that. Be very careful of what language he uses about his ex, who is, after all, the mother of his children and he must have thought she was good enough to be that at some point,

Red flag - feeling intensity and confusion about him before you've even had a date.

Likely he is triggering an old and familiar pattern in you.

I would go on the date but if you decide to move forward go very slowly and cautiously.