DH says I am lying about fertility results

[imsolosthere]

I have a previous thread where i explained my situation and back story

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5277977-i-want-to-leave-dh-but-feel-stuck?page=2

Yesterday DH says for the last 5 months (im 6 months pregnant with our fifth) that he is convinced I lied to him 12 years ago about fertility results. He said he has spoken to two consultants who have told him what i have said cant be true.

When i was 24 I had concerns about my fertility due to a long history with period problems but have been checked for PCOS and it being confirmed I did not have it. My GP sent me to a fertility clinic for tests. I cant remember the exact details but I have requested my reports from them now. I do know that i was told my egg count was 13 which was very low for my age and that if i wanted children I should get started now. So then BF (now DH) agreed and we had our first and soon after our second.

We then talked about a 3rd a few years later and again I went for the same tests to see where we stood. I was told my egg levels were 7 and that at this rate I would be infertile by the age of 30.

We are now pregnant with our 5th. Pregnancy has never taken more than a few months, so he is convinced I doctored the letters from the clinic back then to trick him into having kids.

He wants to meet with the fertility clinic to check what i have told him all them years ago, I have no issues with this as i know i havnt told lies on this.

Im just so lost and stuck, I have told him not to speak to me unless its about the children, im so low and spend too much time crying. My whole pregnancy has been unhappy. Im trying to find ways out but none seem possible

I don’t really have friends especially not any good enough to do that.

it’s a fair drive away and I wouldn’t have anybody to watch the kids to just be able to turn up

And he knows this !
Who are the mobile bills registered with ?
do you have access to those

We each have our own mobile contracts

there are some times he will hand me his phone and ask me to charge it for him so I guess not really secretive

I my ex had his on do not disturb then that way his Phone wouldn’t be going off

I think my advice mostly is to just not rule out that there may be another woman. I wouldn’t waste my time snooping around particularly, but just keep your eyes and ears open and keep it as a possibility in your mind.

Especially since you have already told him it’s over…….. and he’s behaving/speaking like he wants it to be over too. You don’t need proof of an affair to know that he is behaving like a twat and treating you badly. You just don’t want it to be a shock discovery that blindsides you in the future.

So he's basically calling you a liar and saying he regrets your older children being born. Nice bloke. It takes two at the end of the day, and if he didn't want to start a family young then he had the option to discuss that with you and delay it, or walk away if delaying was non negotiable for you.

I agree but I’m the mean time he is punishing OP and won’t leave the home. .
If she knew there was an OW maybe that would change the dynamic

He says he doesn’t regret the kids but thinks I lied to pressure him into having kids and he didn’t have a say in the timeline

Well he did have a say. He could have said no. So there’s that.

I’m not so sure he isn’t meeting up with someone on these days away he’s having. Sigh.

They can honestly always find a way to cheat.

Password has been changed so now I don’t have access to emails and have no reason to ask for the password

How do you feel about this?
When were you last in them.

I’m not sure how I feel.

I checked his calendar on Monday to make sure he would be in the office while I had online therapy

It’s really is all a guessing game but OP I really don’t think he’s innocent .
For example a lot of places do online booking for a meal/ table .
I hope he isn’t cheating but as others and myself said it’s very much the script .
He possibly not leaving as he doesn’t want to pay for 5 kids or because she doesn’t want to look like the bad guy .or both .
Or when he does leave he can say you were separated for ages before hand. .

My bet is on he has someone else. .
I think you need to get your ducks in a row .

I definitely think he’s not leaving because he doesn’t want to look like the bad guy

I'd tell him to FO no decent husband would come out with that shit!

He’s now announced he’s working late this evening but that’s not entirely unusual

I wish it was that easy

Oh dear!

If you txt and told hi not to come back and his stuff would be in the “shed” “garage “ for collection . How do you think he would react ?

Have you been on the entitled to website to see how much child maintenance he would be due. .

OP you really need that solicitor app asap .
Anything else you are struggling getting your head around ?
He is a scum bag going this to his wife . Mother of his kids and his PREGNANT wife .

I don’t think I can legally remove his belongings or kick him out as we both own the house

No your right you can’t but maybe he would let you away with it through guilt. .or it may play into his hands .

I don’t think he would let me away with anything

Take the control away from him . You really do need to start standing strong and make the choices befroe he does. .
you can serve divorce papers and send them and state adulatory. let him prove otherwise.

So he's building a narrative that you tricked him into having babies.

The establishment of a blaming narrative is what I see here. He is dissatisfied with family life for some reason and his story is that he's been a victim of some wrongdoing by you for years. This usually happens when a man has had his head turned, sorry to say.

Any hint of anyone else on the horizon?

You don't need permission or evidence of adultery or DV or the thumbs up of society to get the divorce ball rolling.

No fault divorce makes it easier than it was in times past.

Please talk to a solicitor and also contact Women's Aid - 0808 2000 247

It sounds as if he's gearing up to leave you.

Yes to this.

OP, the fertility thing is just a handy stick to beat you with. If it wasn't that it would be your weight or your cooking or he would lie about you flirting with other men.

You need to study "The Script".
www.emotionalaffair.org/the-cheating-spouse-follows-a-script/