Husbands food preferences driving me crazy - NEW THREAD

[Jessa85]

NEW THREAD for those following my thread from yesterday!

I will post the update of my conversation with my husband in a second.Original thread

I just wanted to update you all because I had a chat with my husband this morning as he is WFH today. We discussed all the main issues - finances, household and of course the food too. I'll break it down, this is very condensed, OMG are you ready -

Food -
He told me he's upset that I will exclude him from future meals. I explained I am not excluding him at all and came up with various options for compromise that he huffed at. So I've told him, I am cooking XYZ and there will be a portion for him, if he doesn't want that he can cater for himself.

Household -
He said that his work is very taxing and he is mentally drained after each day, that coming home and doing housework isn't on his radar. I lost my cool a little here and told him why should it be on mine!!! that I do EVERYTHING, that we had counselling last year and this was part of that reason. I explained that if he can't do the housework, he should pay for a cleaner etc... but he said 'why when you cope with it already'. I lost it... I completely lost it. This man is a f'ing joke.

Finances -
I showed him all the finances and he agreed it is a little unbalanced... damn i laughed at 'a little'. I told him how I have no money for myself and he said is that why I always look drab, that I don't look after myself enough. I'm in shock... I don't look drab, I look after myself I'm just not walking around the house in tight dresses with pristine hair all day like he wants. He said he will adjust his finances but to be honest even if he adjusted to 100% on his side, I'm out. He said his disposable income goes on clothes etc and investments that he holds... I've asked for details of those.

At this point I've realised that it's over, he has zero respect for me, is financially and emotionally abusing me and I'M OUT. I haven't told him about the divorce plans, I seriously think he just thinks this is me having another whinge but no, he'll be shocked when he realises.

I've condensed this down, so much more was said. I don't know whether to ask him to go to a hotel this weekend or whether that will put him into panic mode and start hiding stuff from me. I don't know what happened to the guy I met 15 years ago, seems he also got lost over the last 10 years. What a jerk.

Definitely get some proper legal advice before you do anything if you can. I know it can be really hard but (unless you or your children are in any danger) it’s best to proceed carefully. Well done for making your decision - it will be ok xx

Thank you, I have a meeting next week with a solicitor and my bank. I'm hoping I can get this all figured out quickly so me and the girls can be happy xx

I know its difficult but don't make too many changes at home, you don't want him to twig that the marriage is over and start hiding stuff. Good luck xx

I[ve read all your threads. I assume he didn't acknowledge that it was deeply unfair that you have so little disposable income and time and he has so much? Wow, he really is awful, I'm sorry.

Yes to getting advice. Te sooner you can be rid of him, the better.

I said to him, if he thinks I look drab and should get new clothes then maybe I could do that if I had more disposable income for myself. His reply??

'Well then maybe you need to find a better paying job'

Absolute POS.

My job is very taxing and I'm mentally drained (I'm a govt employee for a high profile person who actually changes the needle on intl policy) but I give my all to my family who are my first priority, and I still take the time to see family/friends etc.

Your DH is horrendous and I think you know it, we are all here for you. What a joke of a man he is.

Been following this thread since the start, and there's a lot I feel rage about on your behalf, but I must admit my mouth actually dropped open when you said he'd asked if that's why you look drab and don't look after yourself enough. Talk about add insult to injury. What about absolute bellend.

Honestly he does not deserve a family.

Yes that part hurt me so much. I'm gutted but I suppose thankful that his truest colours have been shown

OP, I've been reading your original thread and I'm gobsmacked that his reaction to your chat was the "drab" comment.

Whoa. The contempt for you is so bloody clear.

I don't know how he would voice how he sees you, that's for him to define, but it's certainly not looking like it's as a woman he loves, desires and sees as an equal partner in this one journey through life we've been given.

You deserve far, far more.

😈

definitely don't ask him to go to a hotel this weekend. Try to keep things as normal as possible and get as much paperwork and information as you can before you see the solicitor.

I'm sorry that he's turned out to be such a monumental twat, it's never what we expect when we meet them😪

Hold it together for you and the kids, and it won't be long before you're living a completely different and much happier life💐

Don’t ask him to go to a hotel, keep your powder dry and find out all the info on those investments.

If you can I’d personally wait for legal advice before making any big moves, such as asking him to leave even temporarily. That doesn’t mean you have to pretend all is fine though in the mean time. You can absolutely stop catering for any of his needs, whether that’s not cooking for him, not washing any clothes, or making his life easier by not asking him to provide childcare.

@CocoapuffPuff I agree, I feel like I'm just an object to him.

You're so strong, OP, I'm so glad you posted on here and we're able to see how unacceptable all this is!

Thanks for the updates & new thread@Jessa85. Chin hitting the floor at his answers this morning. Just shows you are taking the right course of action.
Gutted for you that he simply can't see how wrong and selfish he is. Keep your resolve. Read back through the comments if you start to wobble.
I know it's only on a screen but you have so much support here. Your cheerleaders are rooting for you 💐

Good for you... Just think how much less stressful your life will be when you no longer have to cater to an egotistical manbaby. You can do this🌷

Thank you for the advice on whether to carry on as normal or not. I was really in two minds because I am so damn angry and need some space but you're all right... I need to be business as usual but I am not doing his cooking or anything for him around the house. Infact I've planned a nice weekend with the girls doing things my jerk of a husband would hate doing... so he can go play golf or something

I suppose at least he's made it easy for you, being so foul to you. He is seriously underestimating you. Horrible man.

Seriously underestimating you is right! You sound like you're going to pull the rug right out from under him, OP

I'm so glad too, it's made me realise I'm not going mad and this treatment is completely unacceptable. So thankful I posted and appreciate everyone cheering me on!

@Ihaveneedofwaternear I most certainly am!

Wow. Just wow.

Stay strong and play the long game, OP. You sound great.

Thank you.

I better go and do some work, in my very unimportant job haha. I'll catch up with the thread later if anyone messages. So many thank you's to you all.