Won’t live with dogs.

[OneDaringDreamer]

Hi there
this is the 2nd time I’ve reached out on here for your help in my relationship.
so my boyfriend and I have been dating 18 months and everything has been great except one hiccup last month that has been resolved.
we live an hours drive apart and have spoken about one day coming together to live.
i have 2 small dogs and my boyfriend isn’t a dog person. He’s tried hard to adapt to them and has even got beds for when we stay at his.
anyway last night on our date night he’ told me he’s considering moving down to my area. Which is great and exciting.
however, I’ve asked well why don’t we join forces and get somewhere together. Which we’ve talked about a lot.
he has now laid his cards on the table table (his words) that he can’t live with the dogs. Especially 2 dogs and that our time to live together will be after my oldest dog goes to heaven. He’s 10 and could live another 4-10 years being a terroir.
this has got me somewhat confused and unsure of the future.
before he’d say we can get a house with a nice conservatory for them. So they can have there space.
Help ???? it’s seems like a lovely prize of moving closer but with a sting attached.

Well, one assumes he doesn’t smell, shit outdoors, and shed hair in the house either, so I’m not sure that comparing a man and a dog is necessarily particularly helpful.

Obviously, OP, you’re not wrong not to want to rehome one of your pets, and to wish he’d made it clear sooner that this was a dealbreaker as regards moving in, but it’s worth remembering too that what prompted your OP was him proposing progressing the relationship by moving to your area, but not moving in with you.

You’re the one who brought that up. He’s clearly serious about the relationship, but doesn’t want to live with multiple dogs. His idea was that you could get somewhere together when the older dog had died, probably not realising how long-lived terriers can be. Now you’ve said that could be ten years, he’s casting around for other compromises. You feel these are cruel, as is your right. I suppose your decision now is whether you want to continue the relationship with him moving closer, but not moving in, or whether that no longer appeals.

I think he is using the 'smell' as an excuse.

At least he is being honest. But I would never give up any of my animals for any man.

I don't care if my house smells of dog. When I had small children it also smelled of wee, vomit and gently melting wax crayons and I didn't care about that either, because whilst smells can be mitigated they can't always be totally eradicated. But woe betide anyone who points it out, they are not welcome in my house! And this guy is a total tosspot who just wants to manipulate and control.

Keep the dogs, lose the fella.

Ugh. Don’t not have dogs to appease this man. Dogs before men in my book.

Pretty much. There's no mileage left in this one, as him telling you to get rid of the dogs is overstepping. But for the future, if it's really important to you that you're with someone who doesn't think dog homes smell, I'd probably only consider relationships with fellow dog owners.

Yes I’m beginning to think this is a test in some ways, by him.
bin him off now. It isnt about the dogs.

So just to update you all. We have split up! “Over the dogs”
no one thinks it’s just that!
I tried to talk things over and discuss the future but wham, I received an essay about how unhygienic dogs are and how I’m too emotional about my dogs.
he never called me although I asked him too call me after work. I just got another huge text basically telling me how to manage my dogs which in his opinion was the best way. This man knows nothing about dogs or certain breeds.
I couldn’t be bothered to argue with him because I’m not going to get anywhere.
now left with grieving 18 months of a relationship that was very good until the last month where he seemed to change his mind and attitude.
so now shocked and confused and sad.

he was a knob and better he showed you after 18 months rather than years. A coward looking for excuses about you to end the relationship rather than just admitting he wanted to end it. If you got rid of the dogs it would have been something else next.

imagine being so annoyed someone told you no then have the nerve to call the other person too emotional.

Thank you your right, I need to hear this for my own sanity xx

It will get easier. He was out of order insulting you about the dogs. You'll meet someone who loves you all as a package. He sounds immature with the way he's communicated too. You're worth better.

Dogs were his excuse.

It'll probably turn out there's another woman or something.

It sounds like he has tried and the dog thing just isn't for him.
Are you happy living as you are as a couple until you no longer have the dog(s)? If Yes, then keep going as you are.
Will you always want dogs in your life? If the answer is Yes, then he isn't the person for you.

Sorry....just read the update!!! Probably the best solution anyway!!

I think it's like with children. It's fine for people to have an opinion about how your manage dogs, but they should keep that opinion to themselves and not tell you how you 'should' be doing it. Particularly if they don't have any themselves.

You'll be fine, OP. Give the dogs a cuddle and tell them what a lucky escape you all had. There are plenty of men out there who love dogs, smell and all.

Imagine if he'd moved in first and you'd rehomed one of the dogs to accommodate him, and then he started acting like he did in your previous thread and you realised it wasn't just a blip, it was the real him. But too late, you're down one dog and up one asshole. It's tough, because you've lost the boyfriend you thought he was, but it's for the best, especially if some or all of your children still live with you. Usually it's only when they move in that the mask comes off.

I agree. Something else is going on here.

Quite possibly

Very best of luck OP. You deserve so much more. The dogs were just an excuse, I think he's been trying to push you for a long time, either into breaking up or seeing how much he can push you around.

He's a right dick. 18 months wasted, but better than 18 years

Not sure if this is within your guidelines?

Only you can decide what’s more important, him or dogs.However unlike men Dogs don’t let you down and they give you total unconditional love. Just saying lol.

Edit as seen your update!

Not a criticism, but lots of dog owners just can't comprehend that other people don't get the dog thing and just universally dislike them. I am one of these people. They stink and they are a nuisance and I find the fawning over them irritating. I find it totally plausible as a team no dogs person that he's broke up over it!

Anyone who effectively asks you to choose between them and your dog(s) is not a nice person. I could be flippant and say “people who don’t like dogs are wrong’uns” but the dogs were there before him, and by the sound of it, will be there long after he’s gone.

Border Terrier owner here. Mine is 15 years and 4 months. When he is gone I will get another. Once a dog person always a dog person.

Love me, love my dog!

BULLSHIT. Not all houses with dogs smell.

My MIL loved to tell us that she could smell our cats but when we no longer had cats but had a dog she actually said she could not smell him.

Some breeds don't smell. Dogs have different types of fur/hair but some posters are so adamant that all dogs smell.