Won’t live with dogs.

[OneDaringDreamer]

Hi there
this is the 2nd time I’ve reached out on here for your help in my relationship.
so my boyfriend and I have been dating 18 months and everything has been great except one hiccup last month that has been resolved.
we live an hours drive apart and have spoken about one day coming together to live.
i have 2 small dogs and my boyfriend isn’t a dog person. He’s tried hard to adapt to them and has even got beds for when we stay at his.
anyway last night on our date night he’ told me he’s considering moving down to my area. Which is great and exciting.
however, I’ve asked well why don’t we join forces and get somewhere together. Which we’ve talked about a lot.
he has now laid his cards on the table table (his words) that he can’t live with the dogs. Especially 2 dogs and that our time to live together will be after my oldest dog goes to heaven. He’s 10 and could live another 4-10 years being a terroir.
this has got me somewhat confused and unsure of the future.
before he’d say we can get a house with a nice conservatory for them. So they can have there space.
Help ???? it’s seems like a lovely prize of moving closer but with a sting attached.

I think so too. He's pushing to see how compliant you are...will you give up your dogs to prioritise him? He certainly wants you to.
I'd be VERY wary of him.

It will smell of dogs, you even go on to acknowledge this yourself, and he's likely right that other people can smell it even though you can't. It's just what happens. However, it's not up to him to tell you to sell them.

I was going to post even before the updates, you have a fundamental incompatibility preventing you from living together. So it's turned out!

He doesn't like dogs. He's been clear about this from the start. You tried a few things to improve it, but he has realised he doesn't want to live with dogs. Seems to me you keep pushing for this, and now he's pushing back.

Accept he doesn't like dogs and that you will have to wait until you don't have any. That's hard, yes. But it's the situation.

@OneDaringDreamer i think he had done the right then .
You say your dogs are well behave “now” you say you have retrained them .
They now sleep down the stairs .
can I ask where down the stairs ? On the sofa then yeah your house probably does smell and you are blind to it .
Did they use to sleep on your bed before you met him?
Why is he against your youngest dog?

I read your first post and I think where he is going with this is . You and him get a house together with the dogs and you would go back the way with your dogs. You would be lax on behaviour etc with them.
So if it was me I wouldn’t move in either . You have clearly pushed him and he gave you the truthful answer and now you didn’t like it .

No he doesn’t like dogs and actually I’m fine living separately that could’ve been the scenario but I’m not fine with being insulted and I can’t have someone in my home that thinks it smells and has the nerve to say so in a very patronising way.
I would always be worried that my home smelt to them.

No he isn’t .
He is moving closer as that is a compromise for them both. He is the one moving .
He is just being truthful that he doesn’t want them to live together and it’s because of the dogs . The comment about the youngest dog, there will be more to the story I bet .

OP just won’t accept this and he is telling it to her face. .Now he is the bad guy.

I’ve got a warm, lovely Labrador snuggled up beside me. No way would I not have one. End the relationship, it’s a deal breaker.

Quoting this post as I think OP needs to read it again.

This guy plays games, gives OP the silent treatment and snaps and snarls at her. The dogs are just another way he is trying to get her into line to submit to him. Stop bringing this guy around your kids, as he will start on them next. Just dump him.

He wants me to only have one dog two is too chaotic for him.
i have accepted he doesn’t like dogs and I’ve tried my best to accommodate his needs.
im not saying he’s wrong for not wanting dogs I just don’t think I should be told to sell something I love.
and I don’t want someone in my home that’s uncomfortable. I think he could have had the balls to tell me a lot sooner. Rather than just carry on knowing he can’t stand dogs.

He sounds like a twat.

But as a dog person I 100% think dog owners are nose blind about dog smells. It is noticeable. It doesn’t make his comments any better though.

Hmm, but if what a pp has said about you having other threads about this man's behaviour is correct, it's not about the dogs at all. What it's about is exerting control over you.

So, say, you do sell one of your dogs. Will he be satisfied? No. It'll be the next thing. Maybe it'll be you have to keep the remaining dog in one room or outside, or maybe it'll be about something entirely different. Because he doesn't actually care about you having dogs, it's all about him having power to make you do what he wants.

If anyone reads OPs previous thread, you'll see he's always been a cunt, this is just the latest.

Gently, if you have dogs, your home will smell of dogs.

But given the way this thread is developing, that's really the least of your worries.

He's a nasty man.
Keep the dogs and dump him.

People tend to want the next step in a relationship so it will progress, that’s not a mumsnet obsession

I’d just end the relationship. He’s known from the beginning that you have dogs. It’s beyond selfish to expect you to get rid of them to accommodate him. One of the dogs is 10 and yes, a terrier may well live another 4-10 years. Also, so what if your house smells of dogs, don’t even bother defending that on here. Of course they are smelly, messy little things but for dog lovers, the positives outweigh the negatives. Find someone who also loves dogs, there are plenty of men who do.

You don't HAVE to live together.

You're a dog person. He isn't.

He has the right to set a boundary and has told you the truth.

Thing is, after your dogs have passed, hopefully not for a long time, you'll want another. If you're living together by then, this will be a source of argument.

Keep separate homes and enjoy your relationship as is.

I would keep the dogs I wouldn’t be moving on
together . Especially if kids involved and especially if he is nasty and there has been other posts about him .
I still stand by my other comments .
He is allowed to not want to live with dogs .!

Why do you have to live together? I get him. I wouldn't want to live with dogs, either. Up to you if that's a deal breaker. I don't see why it should have to be.

Gently, if you have dogs, your home will smell of dogs. But given the way this thread is developing, that's really the least of your worries.

This. Too much hassle.

Ugh. He’s shown you who he truly is op. I’d be rethinking this relationship. He is rude and disrespectful (something your dogs are not!)

Im with him on this.
Im not a fan of dogs i dont hate them there just not me I'll pet them if im out and about.
I cant stand the smell of them its like a none smoker they can smell the smoke and fags when a smoker cant.
Its the same for me with pets.
Smell fur licking sniffing yuk.

Ive not done a search on your name, but are you the poster who he the guy who complained about the dogs behaviour and demanded you train them better? So now you have done that he just wants them gone? If so, what next? If you are a different poster, what is he giving up? Where does he expect the dogs to go?

this is the 2nd time I’ve reached out on here for your help in my relationship. so my boyfriend and I have been dating 18 months
second rime you have reached out for help in 18 months. This guy isnt a keeper.

That’s the reason i wouldnt date a smoker. I would not choose a smoker then demand and expect them to be able to give up smoking.
Much like the women who marry cokeheads then complain when they have a child that their partner is unsupportive and still regularly doing coke.

if you dont want to move in with dogs, dont date a dog owner. Arrogance of the guy.

If you have dogs living in your house with you, then your house is going to smell of dog. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just trying to be kind.