Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

This is a rare one, where I'd take some sort of pill to get through the day tbh. A sedative of some sort, to calm you but not turn you into a zombie, obviously. I agree it's a horrific situation - WHAT A DICK your ex is. Gross.

Definitely no alcohol, except maybe a sip (literally a sip) of champagne for the toast.

Yup, because these people flip-flop and have no idea what they want.

They have no business being anywhere near a serious relationship.

@RightThenFred What did you say to your ghost? Would like to know in case it happens to me again and you have something I could use. Sounds as if what you said was nice and effective.

I agree. A Lorezapam (or similar I guess) will calm you right down. I take them for claustrophobia when I have regular MRIs for a medical condition, and they're marvellous. (But I mean 100 % to get it from your GP, with a proper prescription and everything. Am not advocating anything dodgy!)

If you know where he will be at a certain time, play Ghostbusters loudly in your car as you drive past him! Or just play it on a voice message to him. At least he'll know you recognise his behaviour for what it is!

Make sure your at least drinking lots of water OP for your headache and try and eat even a little bit. Am so sorry something similar happened to me years ago although not on this scale. You will get through it! Think of your beautiful kids!! I lost my partner to leukaemia 6 months ago the first weeks were horrendous now my kids are the only things I live for. (Sorry for digressing)

So sorry OP, you are doing better than you realise and courageous and thoughtful in how you’ve sorted out the seating plan etc.

Your body is in “fight flight” mode, breathing techniques (slower and deeper) can help put you back into “rest” mode.

Is it the tapping solution app you downloaded? I find that really helpful. Headspace also.

Swimming is also amazing (unless you hate it of course!) or put on your radio at home and dance to your favourite music (nothing relating to the cowardly dead weight)!

Getting outside, looking for signs of spring, take a flask of tea and find a bench, perhaps meditation or uplifting music.

Hope you have a lovely time as MOH.

The rubbish took itself out. Couldn’t keep up the pretence of being a decent human any longer. Lucky escape, onwards and upwards OP

I haven't taken diazepam, but lorezapam, and it doesn't do anything to my wits at all! Quite the opposite - it allows me to have my wits about me, because I'm not a wreck!

A Lorezapam sounds good. I'm definitely not recommending anything dodgy either! Can you imagine?! 😬

Tell the bride what has happened and ask her to keep it to herself. Ask her to make sure that there isn't an empty place setting next to you if she can't fill his spot.

If you end up crying, blame the emotional nature of the day.

Stay off the booze. Your ability to compartmentalise will dissolve in alcohol, as will your ability to avoid bad decisions like trying to shag the best man or drunk dialing the dickweasel.

It doesn't matter why he ghosted you. What matters is that he did and it's not a kind way to treat someone who's done nothing to deserve it. He doesn't ever deserve a second chance so live your life like he doesn't exist.

Christ no, don't do that to the bride. Really bad.

OP, here is a thread that sums up how another Mumsnetter dealt with this situation...I think it's a master class. Hope it helps.

Thank you Running In Rain girl!! | Mumsnet

You made reasonable attempts to contact him, in case he was at risk. He consciously blocked you, so he's not suffered some kind of accident.

Here's what you're going to do.

Accept that this is a cowardly wimp who didn't have the balls to tell you he didn't want to be in a relationship any more. He does not deserve you.

Do not try to look him up, find out what he's doing, or ask for news.

Spend the time between now and the wedding on yourself. Pamper yourself - the lot, hair, skin, mani pedi, new underwear, makeup, perfume. No booze, lots of water, good walks for energy, oxygen and winter sun. Laughs with family and friends. MOH last minute tasks.

Tell the bride what's happened and have the venue rearrange the seating and place settings so there is no empty place for the wimp. No gap.

Practice your airy 'oh no, that ended a while ago' response to any nosy parker enquirers, and turn the conversation to how stunning the bride looks.

You are going to look fucking gorgeous, be an asset to the bride, an ornament at the event and lovely in the photos, which you'll share on social media as you change your profile to single.

It's going to be easier for OP to hold it together to do her MOH duties if she doesn't have her best friend, the bride, saying "so sorry that DickweaselsName couldn't make it, I hope he gets well soon". The less faking that the MOH has to do, the less likely she is to end up letting the bride down.

Here are the original threads by the poster who handled the ghosting like a boss.

Dumped by text | Mumsnet
Dumped by text ( part 2) | Mumsnet

And the thread that gives a precis, which I linked above, but noW they're all in one place:
Thank you Running In Rain girl!! | Mumsnet

Hope they help, OP.

----The original thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text.----

Ah, someone beat me to it. It's truly depressing how many men out there are willing to do this for no reason.

Why won't the crossing out work with links?

You will survive, very very painful atm. The wedding you will get through, talk to your GP (as suggested). He is a nasty piece of work, well shut of him. Just take things minute by minute, eat and sleep when you can. Sorry your going through this. I have been there, was dumped 1 week before my cousins wedding, very tough day to get through, had a weep now and again, now 8 years on, cant believe I let him ruin my time at the wedding tbh.

Gosh, if you ever come up with an app, I'm dig in up!

You need to find your anger. Anger - how dare he treat me like this?!! - is your best weapon of defence.

And have a look at the Chumplady website. She's a woman whose husband had an affair and left her. Even though her situation was different from yours, I think you'll find her posts useful - and funny.

Can you ask your doctor some low dose diazepam

Jesus, last thing she needs is some drugs to get her through it.

Fuck him off OP, hold your head up high, hold on to the people who love you and will be there for you.

Fuck him off and find your inner woman warrior. These men are cowards and shits - it's a blessing in disguise as you will find out in days and months to come.

OP, I had to pick out a reply on the original Dumped by Text thread that I linked above, from a man who similarly ghosted. I hope you find this helpful - I did:

yepimaman · 27/01/2020 19:57

Just wanted to add my perspective as a man, and as an occasional moron.
This is just my view and I could be wrong and I don't want to upset you, but...
This sounds like a guy who falls in love easily and probably often. He loves falling in love, and gets infatuated quickly. But he struggles to maintain this over time. The thrill wears off. When his head is turned, he becomes infatuated quickly, and this overtakes his ability to be a nice guy and do the right thing.
When he said those nice things to you the other day, he was in his own rubbish way trying to make you feel better about what was to come. He was trying to drop in his excuse that he wasn't good enough for you.
This is the hard bit: He is infatuated right now with someone else. This enables him to act like a complete git, because his infatuation destroys his sense of right and wrong.
So my view is that he is the person you knew, you don't need to question yourself about what you thought of him. You just didn't know he could so easily become infatuated with someone else, and treat you so badly as a result. How could you have known this, until it happens?
Wherever he is now, his new flame has the same thing coming to her, eventually.
The reason I believe this, is because to my shame, this is me, and I have to fight to deal with it. I read mumsnet from time to time in order to give my head a shake and realise the damage this behaviour causes.
His new infatuation will wear off. And when it does he's going to have some very uncomfortable memories of what he did to you.
If his new fling doesn't work out, it is HIGHLY likely he'll come crawling back with excuses. An earlier poster described how men can break up quickly and easily and then a month later fall apart, whereas a woman goes through hell and a month or three later gets on with her life. This is (broadly) true, in my experience at least.
I've read every suggested text that some here have suggested sending. Not one of them would have the desired effect. He will see through them all, as do I. Every one of them gives the power back to him. Please, PLEASE do not message him. If it was me, I'd be delighted to get anything back from you. I would read it, process it in the way that suits me, and then feel happier because now I have the closure I needed.
If you feel the need, write him a long and detailed letter about why he's a git and how badly he hurt you.
Then burn it.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but you're handling it amazingly well. Keep going.

The partner of the moh doesn't suit at the wedding party table xx

Tell your friend straight away...just invent something...just so they can organise it so there won't be an empty chair at the top table...someone's auntie or cousin will get promoted...it'll be better than trying to sort on the day...leave it to them..

Goodness me.

Do NOT do this.

What's a Maid of Honour, btw?

Am I getting old?

Is this an American thing?