Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

Oh jeez. I mean don't put yourself in a position where you're standing outside a closed door like a lemon. For example, if you regularly go to the same place as him, go there and speak to him. A public place where there is a sense of social decency, not standing outside his man cave.

I find it staggering that we're on a thread about a man ghosting his partner, and I'm being scolded about "my behaviour" because I have calmly confronted such a man in person before.

He's a twat. First off.

Secondly, this would've been worse had he done it after the wedding, he'd have ruined all the pictures... You'll look fab, and you'll have a great time. Try and believe that and it'll become true

You'll be grieving for some time to come. Especially as it came from nowhere and you cant figure it out. It's horrible; I've been there, minus the ghosting.

Are you sure you shouldn't tell your friend? She loves you. Also best she knows today than on the day itself... Xx

Thanks, but I wasn’t strong in the slightest and it took me a long time to recover and laugh freely again. I just wanted their day to be lovely and as someone on here has already said it is like being an actress to play a role for the day.

Just remember that you are alive and this is not your final love story, someone else will come along who deserves your love and adoration.

Oh yeah, you sound totally reasonable and sane now. Very dignified.

All I can say is that one day you will be able to look at what happened with a calm heart and without your stomach churning. I have been there, I know what I am talking about. When it happened to me, I had to re-sit a year as an undergrad and almost failed my degree, just felt numb. And when people told me one day you will look at it as if it did not happen to you, I got angry at them, but they were right. Time heals. You will be over it.

I'm cringing inside out at this.

I'm sure OP won't do this.

Oh wow. A partner with ‘dignity and self-respect’ wouldn’t have put you in the awful position of not knowing where you stood. Your own dignity and self-respect meant you didn’t assume the worst, and instead tried to resolve things like an adult. Cringe if you must, but on their behalf, not yours - you have nothing to cringe about.

OP, I’m sorry yours didn’t turn out to be everything he seemed. Stay strong, you’ve got this 💪

It sounds like he got cold feet and didn't want to go to the wedding as it was too much commitment, he didn't want kids or to live together or get married, has he been married? Maybe he thinks you want marriage and children

Ok... I don't even know what to say to that. If you think that speaking to someone in person, to confront them on their unacceptable behaviour, is some kind of crazy behaviour, then I am just flabbergasted. I don't know what you are imagining. I doubt it bears much relation to the reality of what was a heartbreaking time for me, which I dealt with in a way I am proud of and which caused no further problems, police action or reputational damage.

There is not really much more I can say, as you seem set on making snide comments regardless. So have a nice evening.

Sorry can’t see where it says any of that.

Yes I thought that or he doesn't want the wedding photos on social media showing him at a wedding,

Maybe you two could argue elsewhere, rather than on the thread of someone looking for support after having something awful happen to her.

OP, he's a coward and you deserve so much better. You will get through the wedding with dignity and courage. And I bet you'll look bloody fantastic

He already has kids though ….

He’s just a cowardly prick.

I know you've said you're not going to but absolutely do not drink! I was at a wedding where the maid of honour burst into tears and although I felt for her I imagine she must have had some awful hangxiety the next day.

Reallu cruel callous behaviour.
I’ve been through this, ghosted after an 8 month relationship, not even a ‘this isn’t working out’ text, just completely disappeared, I also had a wedding within the week. I had trouble getting out of bed so didn’t know how I’d see it through
I got through it by instead of forcing myself not to cry or lose it, I’d say to myself in my head just not right now. Weirdly I felt better after the wedding as it reinforced that I was settling for less in that relationship and I felt less distraught.
After the wedding be prepared that he’ll turn up at some point, these types generally do.
Mine did after 6 months.

Remember, the best revenge is living well. Hold your head up, enjoy the day and be fabulous.

@Petalroseblue

I'm seconding the 'do not drink'. It's just not wise to add alcohol to an emotional situation. Look at the non alcohol on offer and choose whatever looks good to you. Oddly enough what 'soothes' me in high emotion is 'full fat' Coke with lots of ice. Acts like a tranquilizer, don't ask me why.

Mine was dealing with emotion at work because I had to work with the asshole 8 hours a day. I just had to tell myself "I will not cry/get emotional now. I can cry all I want in XX hours" (or you can just say 'when I get home' if you don't know when you'll be leaving the wedding festivities). Somehow, have an actual timeframe to focus on and know that my time to cry would come helped me get through the day.

You will get through this.

Why would that be humiliating? You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of! I would totally go round, it might give you some closure if he answers, especially if you can just casually drop some of his things round and seem like it’s no loss to you that he’s now off the scene.

Do you think there is any chance he would turn up at the wedding?

To help you get through the wedding speeches and general nerves and so on, see if you can order or go to Holland and Barrets and get some Rescue Remedy. It will really clear you head and calm your nerves on the day. It's all natural ingredients as well. It would likely help you now as well to get some sleep and rest leading up to the wedding too. Lots of hugs x

Sorry if other people have suggested this and I've missed their posts!

Have you been to his house? Take a friend with you.

Just sending you a little shoulder-squeeze, OP. What a rotten bastard he turned out to be!

It's difficult to contemplate the wedding, but it is actually a good thing that this is coming up so soon - it'll help distract you, and it will be nice to be surrounded by people being cheerful. I like the advice to rehearse your readings so you're confident at the event, and agree a short-term sedative might help as long as you aren't drinking!

I wish you much love & support from your friends, and hope your anger rises for you

Oh, this old chestnut. Yeah, been there. Here's the thing: People who do this are emotionally unable. They are incapable of communicating, and they are way too stunted to be in a relationship. They are seriously flawed in a way that really, really matters for a longterm relationship. I bet he's done this before. And I bet he has an issue or two with you or your relationship that could have been solved by talking, but he's so incapable that he's just bolted instead of using his words.

You really, really don't want someone like that. And although you're the one who's upset right now, it's his tragedy, because he is helpless as a baby when it comes to direct communication, which is essential in any healthy relationship.

To deal with problems by ghosting shows that he has the maturity and communication levels of a two-year-old. It runs very deep and cannot be changed, in my experience. You've had a lucky escape.

What you want is a man who's healthy and mature enough to sit down and have uncomfortable conversations. A relationship with a bad communicator is misery, because they're always upset about something to do with you but you'll never know what it is. They'll be passive-aggressive or ghost you.

Take it from me, people like this are a complete nightmare. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you're a thousand times better off without him. He has just revealed to you a yawning, fatal weakness as deep as a canyon. What a turn-off!

He's no loss, my dear. Dry your eyes and dance at your friend's wedding.

Hugs xxxx

@ThisFluentBiscuit 100%
Emotionally stunted, emotionally unavailable commitment phobic 2 year old. Who will want you back next week by the way.....