Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

My reply was to the poster who has suggested that you try to get information from them (which you have never said that you would do). Sorry to confuse.

I think you should remove them. If you like them/get on with them then you could let them know that it's over and hope they understand - or you can keep them there but you'd run the risk of them eventually removing you when he moves on (like the twat he is). So I was suggesting a pre-emptive strike, with or without explanation.

I hope you feel a bit easier now that the wedding is over.

I think ghosting is utterly appalling behaviour, it is so cowardly that I just would not let him get away with it and would have to confront him to make him 'own' his actions. I agree with a previous poster, just walking away and accepting it without question normalises ghosting and enables these men to never take responsibility for their actions.

To say that asking for an explanation constitutes either weakness or harassment is ridiculous. This is an adult relationship not a couple of teenagers, you are entitled to the respect of being told to your face that he wants to end it. He is, of course, entitled to end it, but for the sake of your self respect make him take responsibility for his decision.

From your point of view, it's so difficult to have closure on a relationship with so many unanswered questions in your mind. No wonder you can't sleep. Once the wedding is over I would either call him, or go to his house and ask him what the hell he thinks he's playing at. After 2/3 years you deserve an explanation, please don't let him get away with it.

I understand those saying just forget about him and move on, but in doing so you are giving him exactly what he wants, going quietly without a fuss and enabling him to do this again and again because there are no consequences for him. And destroying your peace of mind in the process.

By making him take responsibility you are standing up for your yourself and your right to be treated with respect and dignity. Find your anger OP, and make him accountable.

The lack of any closure must be incredibly challenging. It must be genuinely maddening.

Breaking up with someone by text is bad, but at least it's put to bed. You must have so many questions buzzing around your head.

Writing it all out sounds like a great solution. Good on you for your sensible approach

1. He won't give her peace of mind.
2. By making her closure dependent on his behaviour, she is handing her power to him. Why on earth would she do that?

I'm really sorry if anyone has already mentioned it but there was a thread a couple of years ago where the OP was dumped and she didn't reach out to the ex at all. He eventually contacted her by letter and she ignored him, he couldn't stand it and then went out of his way to try and get her attention. This really reminds me of this and I think if this OP is able to ignore the ghoster, exactly the same will happen in this scenario.

Silence is its own response and walking away with our dignity intact is the strong response.

Couldn't agree more with these statements.

I understand why those of you who are saying "don't let him get away with it" are saying that - but you are looking at it from the perspective of these men being "normal" people with "normal" emotions. They're not. Anyone who can just cut someone off like that after being in a supposedly loving relationship is clearly damaged in some way/has a personality disorder like narcissism. I know the one who did it to me was a textbook covert narc (look it up OP!) but I didn't realise until afterwards.

If I'd have tried to confront him he likely would've either ran away/ignored me or told me a load of lies/said hurtful things to get rid of me. I wouldn't have heard the truth which was that he was married and had told me a sackload of lies to get me to give him the attention and validation of his ego that he needed. He basically tricked me into being his OW and I suspect something similar has happened here but that OP was the original and he's met someone new.

These twats don't think like normal people and will never accept responsibility. Chasing them for answers will only be hurting yourself. They literally don't care.

Good luck tomorrow, OP.
💐💐💐

Heh, it'd be funny if it was the same guy.

Good luck tomorrow @Petalroseblue

Please put your big girl pants on and celebrate your friends wedding.
You never know who you will meet, But look bloody gorgeous whilst you mingle 😁

Go to his house. You’re well within your right to do that after 18 months together and by no means “crazy”

God, no. Don’t seek him out. Walk away with dignity.

I’d be mortified to go chasing after someone who had been so disrespectful to me, whether “demanding” or begging for explanations.

I already know the explanation. They’re a cowardly dickhead. Why waste the petrol going over there.

Absolutely not.

He’s made his decision. It’s loud and clear. He’s almost certainly met someone else, or even got back with his ex- which is my bet.

Going round demanding him say it face to face is my idea of a nightmare. OP won’t hear anything of any comfort. That’s if he even buzzes her into the building, which he won’t.

To the posters saying ‘don’t let him get away with it’, he won’t care if she goes over and has a go at him. And that’s her only option right now as he blocked her on everything.

Ultimately, he’ll get to reject OP to her face and say hurtful things. Maybe see her cry. While he just wants her gone, treats her as an inconvenience. Nope. That’s not the kind of humiliation I would go chasing after.

OP is right to keep her dignity and stay away.

Hope the wedding was fabulous OP. And that you found comfort among friends. 💐

Good luck for today @Petalroseblue

Channel Bridget jones today, you don't need a man!

Go and be fabulous.

Hold your head high today op. Secretly hoping you at least get to flirt with a hot man while you obviously will look amazing. As for the ghoster I wouldn’t be surprised if this is what he does. Gets to close to someone and runs away. Enjoy today I’m sure you are way too good for your ex anyway.

she clearly needs closure and this is the only option to get it. Not everyone can just move on. Nothing should be humiliating about crying in front of a 18 month partner

Well of course it would be. Because he caused that misery and didn't care. And that's if she even got to see him since he's removed himself from her sight so completely.

I can't think of anything more humiliating than running after somebody who has run away from you.

Hope today goes well @Petalroseblue and you manage to find some joy in your friends happiness. We are here supporting you from afar!

Enjoy the wedding today @Petalroseblue! You’ve got this! You’re doing this for your friend, who’ll always be there for you. That kind of love and loyalty can be much greater than with any man. Hope you feel the love.

Once you’ve got through the ceremony and readings, kick back and enjoy the celebrations. You can do whatever you like today. Dance your socks off. Chat to whoever you like, including any charming and attractive single men. And generally be a social butterfly. Without having to think about a Plus One. Fab!

I wouldn’t delete his family from your socials if you get on with them. Many a woman has stayed friends with family of exes. Just because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean you have to lose friendships, if everyone is mature.

Has anyone heard from this guy? So weird if he’s totally gone AWOL. Hope he’s not had some kind of breakdown.

Has anyone heard from this guy? So weird if he’s totally gone AWOL. Hope he’s not had some kind of breakdown.

Yes, hence my suggestion op check in once with his family - in case something has happened.

--

OP, hope you all have a lovely day and say hi this evening!

I have a horrible feeling he will turn up at the wedding and claim all the blocking was because he ‘needed some space’ or other such bullshit, then gaslights her for overreacting

Agree, if I had contact details for likely next-of kin, I’d ask them if they’ve heard from him or seen him and matter-of-factly/briefly explain he’d cut me off. That way, you’ve alerted people there may be cause for concern, without having to check on him yourself.