Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

She can't as working during the day and cannot get out of it. We already thought about this today

I’m so sorry to hear this, OP. Ghosting is so horrible and childish. I am sending some karma his way 🪄

Isn't it, better just to be honest

I was ghosted, it's horrendous. He turned out to be a pathological liar too and everything he'd told me was a lie (he was married).

It will take time to get over it but for now just focus on the wedding and getting through the day. Afterwards you can grieve (because it's like a death).

If he tries to weasel his way back in at some point remember how he treated you, that's who he is. A spineless and cruel coward.

Im sorry 💐

Rescue remedy ... balance meditation app to lower your shock hormonal responses and start playing a new track for your mind and body, I am safe, I love myself, my kids are great, I am calm, I am strong. I am looking forward to being MOH for my dear friend. Wrap yourself in a heavy warm blanket, tap your arms with the opposite hand.

Google Emotional Freedom Technique ... put words on your feelings, find them in your body, ask yourself what colour, shape and intensity they are, tap your body, feeling your feelings.

These nervous system calming techniques will get you through. The present is now, change how you feel in this moment and allow each moment to follow on from here.

Good for you. I can't imagine mine will come back after this , however if he does I could neve rever forgive this.
I look a right state atm as not sleeping , I am hoping and praying the mua is good enough to hide my eye bags! Or I'm going to ruin the photos at this rate 😕 my head is pounding , I feel so bad

Can your friend, who is coming only to the night do, be your plus one and replace the disappeared?

I think being a maid of honour right now is a great thing. Start focussing on that, whenever your mind wanders elsewhere distract yourself by thinking of what you need to prepare for the wedding, think about the readings, think about songs you’d like to dance you.

The best thing to do right now is make your mind concentrate on other things. What happened is upsetting and the man sounds horrible but you need to focus yourself so this doesn’t become all consuming.

Thank you. I am so shocked at his behaviour , he has always said how he hates people that ghost! What a fake and a phony

Thank you. It really is hurrendous 😭 sorry it happened to you too.

This is very helpful, thank you. I'm downloading the app now

I'm really trying my hardest to focus but my mind keeps drifting

No person who does this is worth you losing your sleep over. Really.
Get angry and think about yourself. And your kids.

After all - you only really knew him a relatively short time.

Think about how you got through the really difficult times in your life - I presume separating from the father of your kids was not easy. How did you get through it then?

@Petalroseblue look for a thread by a poster called RunningInTheRain.
I think it's in classics

That UN is actually thread 2, so you'll need to find that thread and work back. (I think there's a link to the first thread in the op)
It's old, but the op was as broken as you are.
I guarantee you'll find it an inspiring read.
And the best advice will be the same

Would one of your children go with you as your plus one?

The way you get through it is by reminding yourself "not now". You put your game face on and focus on your friend and your MOH duties - perfect opportunity to keep busy. When you start thinking about him then take a deep breath and say to yourself "not now". You can spend all of next week under a duvet crying if you need to, but not on the wedding day.

Get plenty of talking and crying out of your system now. Let the bride /bridal party know and that you would prefer noy to discuss it so it's out of the way and they don't ask you on the day where he is/what happened.

Look up and practice deep breathing /somatic exercises and "how not to cry". (My 2 are pinch the back of your hand really hard, and/or look at the ceiling and pull your tongue as low in your mouth as it will go).

Remember that there will be lots of talk of true love and other things that might set you off. Focus on everything else. Play a part- find your Sasha Fierce.

Absolutely this. Cut the fucker out of the picture and throw yourself into wedding fun. As the MOH you may meet a single chap!

God that's harsh. OP tell the bride and ask if you can bring a friend in his place as you are understandably in shock as well as heartbroken. Please do not think you should shoulder this on your own. She will absolutely want to know what you are going through.

What a fucking arsehole is all I can say. Just sending solidarity.

Plan a bunch of stuff for yourself to do after this so you know it's planned, even if it's a few days of takeout lying in bed and watching movies.

I bet the wedding sounds impossible right now but tbh I think you will be so glad you went. And your friend will think you are the best person ever for being there. Honestly, don't keep it to yourself.

I'm so sorry, I really feel for you. Ghosting, although a total shock, is a cowardly thing to do and it shows who he really is.

I was also ghosted by someone who was acting entirely normally (telling me he loved me, intimacy, making plans etc) up until the day before. The ghosting happened 5 days before we were due to go away on holiday, including our respective children. He wouldn't engage with my text messages, blocked me on social media and I had to tell my excited children that we weren't going the day before we were due to leave. It was heartbreaking. I found it very hard in the first two weeks. Couldn't understand how someone who had been so loving could turn so cold. But you get over it and several years later I think of it as a lucky escape. He was back on dating apps a few weeks after ending it.

I finally got an explanation from a male friend who said that some men can only end it if they cut everything dead - an emotional amputation, if you will.

I am now with someone who is kind, supportive, loving and most of all, communicates like an adult. I look back and realise it was a lucky escape from an emotionally unavailable man.

Give yourself time. This isn't your fault. Let your friends support you and try to keep busy. You will get over it and hopefully you will meet someone worthy of you.

Gosh, am I the only one that thinks diazepam may be a recipe for disaster if you need to have your wits about you, and you’ve never taken it before?
Just me? 🥸

I agree with pp about finding your anger. I reckon it will kick in very soon. This man is doing a despicable thing to you, and you do not deserve it.

Let me say this again- HE is despicable and YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS

I'm so sorry OP what an absolute pig he is 😔 he is not the man you thought he was and you don't want to be with someone who could treat you so shabbily. Hold on to that thought. You are worth so much better than him.

In the short term, get yourself some nytol to help you sleep and rescue remedy for the day. Honestly, it has got me through some tough days. Be kind to yourself and lean on good friends (except the bride) and if you need to take 5 minutes at the wedding to go and have a cry or a few deep breaths or a quick walk around outside, do so (you can always say you feel a bit sick/faint/migraine) you are a strong woman and you will get through this 💐

Drink plenty water. Can you get some Nytol from the chemist to try relax you for some sleep .
Also give you self a pamper get the sliced cucumber on the eyes. .
Maybe a last minute facial if you can get a last minute app .

Is it possible he ghosted you so he didn’t have to go to the wedding?

I was ghosted too, OP, back when there were very few mobiles around thankfully. It totally sucks and I’m sorry you’re in this situation so close to your friend’s big day. All I can say is, at least you’ve found out relatively early on that he’s just another dickhead! In the long run, believe me, it’s better this way. Seems like there’s a lot us out here!

Try to treat your friend’s wedding as a welcome distraction if you can, focus on her, and focus on trying to have fun. Don’t let him spoil something you were looking forward to! You can do this!

I would also avoid the diazepam op especially if you are doing a reading and have to be on form for all your duties. Good luck and just do your best.

I'll try and find it. I need as much inspiration as possible right now , thank you