Ghosted & maid of honour in 3 days

[Petalroseblue]

Hi all, I have been ghosted by a man who I was in a relationship with for 18 months.
I am in shock and utterly heartbroken.
It came completely out of the blue.
We had a fantastic relationship ( or so I thought) the last time I saw him things were good & he even booked a nice weekend away for the both of us.
It was a serious relationship. Saw each other regularly, met each other's families etc.

I am absolutely broken
I can't eat or sleep
I cannot focus. I almost hit my car today and I took the wrong turning twice.
I am either sat frozen with a painful heart looking into space or moving continually.
My heart is racing constantly & my stomach is churning and I feel absolutely dreadful.
I am going through the motions at home with my two teen and pre teen children as to try not to upset them but they can see I am not myself.

To top all of this off It is one of my best childhood friends wedding in 3 days and I am not only a bridesmaid but maid of honour.
I have duties. I have 2 readings to do. I am sat at the top table with her , her husband , parents and there will be an empty space where my partner was suppose to be sitting.

I'm in such a horrible position as I do not wnat to make her day about me so I have lied to her and told her that her has the flu.

I can tell her after , the next few days is about her. That's not the problem .

I'm just struggling to see how I can get through the wedding day.
I can barely shower and walk my dog.

I was so excited about my friends wedding.
What he has done has ruined this for me

Please help me I need some advice something to hold onto and something to keep me strong, I am in such a state and I am broken 💔

Nothing bad has happened when men ghost. It’s one of the most common things to happen in dating these days.

It’s not dating though. It’s an 18 month relationship

But it is not a marriage of decades involving multiple children etc. so some perspective should be possible.

Hi OP – hope the wedding went off well and you flirted with some hot guys. I think you're right to keep away from him. Going round to his flat and attempting to confront him will not go well – these things never do. And he can't give you closure. Closure is something we create for ourselves by taking back our power. Obviously this is going to hurt for while yet but as you know there will come a time when he becomes an irrelevance.

We can speculate on why he's done this but in the end the "why" is irrelevant. The key point is what he's done which is cut you out without explanation after 18 months together. So you're absolutely right when you say the explanation doesn't matter; you're not going to accept being treated like this. Good for you, OP. That's fabulous.

In terms of his family, I think being in contact with them on SM is likely to keep your wounds open for longer than might otherwise be the case. Depending on what relationship you have with them, perhaps you could say to the one you know best that your ex seems to have ended your relationship; you don't know why but he's blocked you on everything and, although you like his family and you don't think they've done anything wrong, having social contact with them when he has blocked you adds to the pain. Reasonable people would understand that. It's certainly what I would do in your shoes.

Onwards and upwards, OP!

Why would going over and possibly fruitlessly knocking on his door, or being let in to cry, rage about how awful it was to be ghosted and most likely be told a bunch of dishonest bullshit give you closure?

Would that be a “better” form of closure than sitting down, taking a deep breath and saying to yourself, “Wow, that guy is obviously deeply emotionally incompetent and dishonest in ways that didn’t come out till now. I should spend some time reflecting on whether there were any subtle red flags I missed.”

Expecting/needing someone else to give you closure is allowing someone else to dictate your emotional state. You can do it for yourself, and that’s ultimately far more empowering.

Expecting/needing someone else to give you closure is allowing someone else to dictate your emotional state.

Yes! This! This is how you hand a man power over you by confronting him.

Oh come on, 18 months is significant. This isn’t/wasn’t a casual fling. This is someone she shared her life and bed with.

On the closure point, I do believe it’s a choice and not something someone can give you. Why has he done this? He’s a coward & didn’t have the courage to handle it properly, like an adult.

I reckon he turned up at the wedding.

I´m so sorry :(
This is super strange. Did you argue at all before the ghosting?
Maybe he has been living a double life. It has been known to happen.
Can you go to his house and just get some answers?
xx

I hope everything went well yesterday and your sister was a good comfort for you.

Hope you were ok. and everything went as well as possible.

Thinking of you OP.