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[Annie1972UK]

Wanting non judgemental and non family advice. Been in touch with someone since July 2024, known each other a long time. Both out of long term relationships that ended unpleasant. We are compatible on every level, we are amazing friends and both want a relationship eventually. Since new year he has stayed at my home a few times for few days at a time, and vice versa. Both have grown children and he gets on well with my young adult son. Both of us are resisting the next step into a relationship although we both also admit we are into one another. We share time together.. he calls about 8 times a day..we share every problem and secret without an expectation of resolving but we listen. We dance together.. eat out..travel..spend romantic times in each others company. I know he speaks to other women and has many female friends..and I also know the history..he does of me also. Everything feels and is perfect..almost could bottle it and we have both said this is so good we are afraid that if it was a relationship it would turn sour at some point and we both do not feel we have the energy of recovery after our last experience s. He stated this weekend he is 70 percent in for a relationship and I'm at 80..a bit further ahead than him. I voice my feelings..I do love him and I believe I am in love also. He does too. Yet something is holding us both back with fear of what if. We are both early 50s. Also very happy... Yet the next bit seems to carry an air with it that he addresses at times and says..we don't know what the future brings and mentions he likes the ego boost he gets from other women on top of the feel good he gets from us. What would you do? Keep going as we are and just see? Before I have dated and gone straight into relationship.. we knew each other before and how we deal with situations. I know for first time I can commit and spend rest of my life with him which he feels honoured to hear..and he said he fights with the noise that crops up saying he isn't ready yet. He wants to stay..he makes effort..he communicates daily even when we seen each other moments before he calls. On Friday I was suppose to drive home but because I was so tired he refused to let me drive and begged me to stay for his conscience if anything should happen to me on my way home. He cares. He buys food or does small gestures and accommodates in his life for me..and I him too. Am I confusing myself or being tunnel visioned? Both also said that should we be interested in someone else the benefits would stop and we would remain friends..but our chemistry is beyond. He said he doesn't think it could ever be so easy with another woman with the qualities I have..I too feel this about him. He says that if in relationship then the expectations will begin..both ways. Do not replace what it not broken.Voicing hopefully for other peoples view as family would be too critical not understanding both of us.

Are you sure you're in love with him and not just in love with the idea of being in love?

The one important thing this whole story is missing, is passion.

Where is it? How can you keep your hands off one another at this stage?

I didn't mention passion but omg ..yes it is there !! Which is why I haven't got carried away with it. We can't keep our hands off each other. So yes the physical side is just as perfect.

Yes.there is incredible passion. I didn't focus on that part as it's so obvious to us. We are truly connected physically and emotionally.
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Annie1972UK · Today 16:26
Wanting non judgemental and non family advice. Been in touch with someone since July 2024, known each other a long time. Both out of long term relationships that ended unpleasant. We are compatible on every level, we are amazing friends and both want a relationship eventually. Since new year he has stayed at my home a few times for few days at a time, and vice versa. Both have grown children and he gets on well with my young adult son. Both of us are resisting the next step into a relationship although we both also admit we are into one another. We share time together.. he calls about 8 times a day..we share every problem and secret without an expectation of resolving but we listen. We dance together.. eat out..travel..spend romantic times in each others company. I know he speaks to other women and has many female friends..and I also know the history..he does of me also. Everything feels and is perfect..almost could bottle it and we have both said this is so good we are afraid that if it was a relationship it would turn sour at some point and we both do not feel we have the energy of recovery after our last experience s. He stated this weekend he is 70 percent in for a relationship and I'm at 80..a bit further ahead than him. I voice my feelings..I do love him and I believe I am in love also. He does too. Yet something is holding us both back with fear of what if. We are both early 50s. Also very happy... Yet the next bit seems to carry an air with it that he addresses at times and says..we don't know what the future brings and mentions he likes the ego boost he gets from other women on top of the feel good he gets from us. What would you do? Keep going as we are and just see? Before I have dated and gone straight into relationship.. we knew each other before and how we deal with situations. I know for first time I can commit and spend rest of my life with him which he feels honoured to hear..and he said he fights with the noise that crops up saying he isn't ready yet. He wants to stay..he makes effort..he communicates daily even when we seen each other moments before he calls. On Friday I was suppose to drive home but because I was so tired he refused to let me drive and begged me to stay for his conscience if anything should happen to me on my way home. He cares. He buys food or does small gestures and accommodates in his life for me..and I him too. Am I confusing myself or being tunnel visioned? Both also said that should we be interested in someone else the benefits would stop and we would remain friends..but our chemistry is beyond. He said he doesn't think it could ever be so easy with another woman with the qualities I have..I too feel this about him. He says that if in relationship then the expectations will begin..both ways. Do not replace what it not broken.Voicing hopefully for other peoples view as family would be too critical not understanding both of us.
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ShortyShorts · Today 16:31

Are you sure you're in love with him and not just in love with the idea of being in love?
The one important thing this whole story is missing, is passion.
Where is it? How can you keep your hands off one another at this stage?
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Annie1972UK · Today 16:33

I didn't mention passion but omg ..yes it is there !! Which is why I haven't got carried away with it. We can't keep our hands off each other. So yes the physical side is just as perfect.
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So he's still dating other people?

You need to date other people too.

I think he will find the ego boost of talking to other women really really hard to give up.
I had one of those, and he really didn’t want to let go of that at all, even though he knew I thought it was, at best, pathetic.

He is telling you loud and clear, that he will cheat. I would definitely have a deep conversation on this topic and get him to explain what and where his boundaries lie. And whether he assumes you won’t also be getting a Ego Top-up.

No he isn't dating anyone else.. he talks to them and I have seen the conversations which are not anything but casual chat tbh. He is a visual person.. tactile..not into porn either. He grew up with sisters so likes female company.

That's interesting you say that..he said that I am so nice and good to him that he doesn't wanna hurt me. He knows that he has his boundaries but he does have a doubt in himself which he admits is another factor why he can't commit right now. He has had long term relationships before and didn't cheat and also admits when a relationship did go wrong before and it was off key he found himself in a position he couldn't trust himself.. he is protecting me that way I guess. But I said if he did that then it would be over without any hassle. He said he couldn't put me through it so that is the biggest issue holding him. So I think you could be right.

My fanny just slammed shut, he likes the ego boost of talking with other women and is really tactile. Sorry but he sounds like a creep.

He phones you 8 times a day?!

You're not listening to him OP. He likes a girlfriend without any of the hassle or responsibility. He likes female attention.

If a man wants you, he doesn't mess around. How someone behaves as a friend is very different to how they are in a relationship. You're in love with a fantasy.

I hear you

He isn't ready for a relationship... at 50 years old! When will he be ready? When he is dead or when he needs a nurse?

Sad you think this is a true love story 😬. This is anything but that. It's a situationship for people in their 50s.

If he wanted to, he would.

He likes the casual sex (are you SURE you're the only one he's having it with?) and the freedom to get his ego stroked by other women as well.

Honestly, listen to PPs - you’ve been suckered in here and it’s clear from what you’ve written that he has no intention to commit. You’ve built this great love story or that’s how it reads, so why isn’t it happening? I think you know really or you wouldn’t be posting.

It doesn't sound very healthy to me. He sounds like he wants his cake and eat it, maybe. Why would he be interested in the attention of other women after having what you describe together? His eyes should just be for you. Yes female friends, fine, but chatting/flirting with other women for his ego, n my opinion, just seems seedy and disrespectful to you.

He’s getting his needs met with no commitment so why would he want anything to change?
The problem seems to be that you want commitment so your needs around this, and exclusivity aren’t being met.
If it’s been 7 months and a man in his 50’s won’t agree for you to call each other partners and behave like you are, then he never will.
This is a situationship and will be for as long as you let it.