Friendship

[Jollyhockeystickss]

I have an issue with a very close friend ive known decades, shes a brilliant friend but also very selfish, ive been there for her and she would agree but when i need her she isnt there for me, i had a wobble 2 months ago and she said i will ring you in 2 days and we did fall out over it, 2 days seriously!! She has teenage children but she only ever talks about one child who has special needs but this child is a teenager and goes to school so is able to function. My friend is single, my main issue is that my friend messages me regulary and 80% of the time tells me about her special needs child, she never talks about her other kids and im way beyond annoyed as im just not interested in hearing about it which ive made quite obvious, its like she has to tell me this childs daily activities

My sister is ill and having tests and my friend knows this but in 3 weeks ive had numerous messages from her telling me how her daughter is but not one asking about my sister or how im feeling about the situation, she will message and tell me about her daughter and then say i hope you are ok but not once has asked about my sister , i do have 3 adult children and she never asks about them either or shows any interest. She would tell you im her best friend and a great friend but i feel im being treated like a mug.

you don’t sound as though you like her very much and have thought she’s selfish for years

she doesn’t sound all that interested in you

you don’t see or speak to each other regularly

this is not my version of a “very close” friendships with a “brilliant” friend 🤷

It's obvious that her life revolves around her child and she's very absorbed in that. She sounds like she has no one else to talk to and is perhaps very lonely.

If she's a good friend then talk to her about her behaviour. If she's no longer a good friend then do the slow fade.

She's a brilliant friend

In what way?

So she’s a single mum to teenagers, one of which has additional support needs and you say you’ve made it quite clear you have no interest in hearing about her child. Nice. You sound horrible. Just because her child attends school doesn’t mean that she’s able to cope well at school or in the wider world without support. This means, as a single parent, your friend has sole responsibility for providing all of her child’s additional support. You clearly have no idea how difficult that is, how much energy that takes or how full on it is. I have a child who’s ASN and I can tell you that it is a 24/7 job and I have a SEND teaching assistant qualification as well as being a qualified counsellor. So I’m better placed than a lot of people because I have training which enables me to help my child that many parents don’t. Not to mention I have the support of my husband, which your friend does not. Having teenagers is hard enough. Being a single parent makes that harder. One of your children having asn makes it harder still. If I was your friend I’d dump you tbh. You sound self involved and entitled.

im way beyond annoyed as im just not interested in hearing about it which ive made quite obvious, its like she has to tell me this childs daily activities

what a lovely sounding friendship this is

in a similar way that the OP is to her

ie not ”brilliant” at all

Yes, there’s no sense of the mutual goodwill you’d expect in a close longterm friendship.

You say she is selfish so you already know what she is like. Definitely time for a kind but firm talk with her. Tell her how disappointed you feel that she has shown no interest or compassion towards your worries around your sisters situation and that it seems to you that you have a very one sided relationship.
Explain you understand she has a lot to cope with but that you don't just want a friendship where you are treated as someone to moan at every time you speak, and who shows no real interest in your life. If nothing changes perhaps dont be so available and start the slow fade. Sadly some friendships don't always stand the test of time.