Friendship

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Over the last couple year I've become good friends with one of DHs close friends and have helped him through a break up and we have a lot of common interests that we speak regularly about. We never meet up unless a group setting with DH and messages are strictly platonic and no attraction on either side however I've started to find myself looking forward to our messages. Part of me feels maybe I should cool it off with the friendship but we get on really well and would hate to lose a good friend because of my overthinking. Is it natural within a friendship despite the gender difference to look forward to hearing from them/seeing them? No boundaries have ever been crossed and the friendship is completely out in the open with DH. Part of me is just feeling a bit guilty about the whole situation and have not had a close friend of the opposite gender before so not sure what's normal and what's not.

Perhaps try to remember the excitement of messaging your husband initially and see if its the same.

There is a fine line between enjoying speaking to friends and that like aura and warmth of chatting to someone you like.

In my opinion asking the question indicates it might be delving into other waters

I'm not expert though haha, could be totally wrong!!! I really look forward to chatting to my mum and message all the time but its definitely not the same

I do think the fact that you are asking yourself the question is a warning sign.
That you are picking up on the danger that this could be drifting into emotional affair territory.

Your entitled to be purely friends with the opposite sex and have some level of privacy. However the "Emotional Affair" concept is pretty subjective and your/his partner may eventually take a dim view of your conversation. It may also be used against you even if nothing happened. Maybe mark down some pretty strict ground rules for yourself if you want to continue.

Completely appreciate everyone's responses so far.

DH still provides excitement, I still look forward to seeing him after work every day and we are very very close.

I'm very aware of how easily lines can blur and having never been in a friendship with a man other than DH before I just want to ensure I'm clear headed.

Nothing we speak about is crossing any lines, we chat about mutual interests mostly.

How would you know if something has become EA territory?

For what it's worth him and DH speak just as often and we are the same with each other in front of DH.

Should also note that our shared interest in a bit niche so don't have anyone else in RL who relates to it. Maybe that's where the excitement is coming from, having a friend who has the same tastes and interests to chat about.

I enjoy socialising and messaging other friends too but all my circle are female apart from this one friend.

Friendships with men operate similarly to friendships with women in my experience. I’m certainly always excited by any newish friendship that’s emerging as something that genuinely brings me pleasure. New friendships are a boon. But I have several close men friends I’ve succeeded in not having sex with for several decades, so it’s not a novelty to me. And I’ve been messaging them and going for drinks or away with them one on one. Why don’t you have other male friends? Are you similarly excited by new same-sex friendships?

Completely agree in terms it should be the same however I don't feel guilty being close with my girl friends.

I had a few boy friends prior to having kids but always in a group setting or out for drinks never "close" if that makes sense. I'm friends with my best friends DHs but not to the same extent.

I'm currently a SAHM with two young children so my circle is very small at the moment.

I haven't had any new friendships for a while so maybe that's all the excitement is, someone new to chat to and who shares the same interests!

Does your DH know you’re communicating privately? I’m very much of the view that hiding things from your partner is starting to drift into EA territory

DH knows we message and we are both open with our phones so he can look at the conversation at any time albeit he won't. Sometimes I'll get my DH to read the message to me and to reply for me if I'm busy with the kids.

Completely transparent and I update DH on conversations however much he tells me I don't need to.