Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Daughter of friend has approached me for help with an abortion

233 replies

Geesgirl · 13/02/2025 22:27

She's 17, I've known her since she was a small child.

She's 2 to 3 weeks pregnant m, said she has just missed her period.

Can't tell her mum.

Of course I have told her she should, that nothing is as bad as it seems.

What a position to be in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:53

@TheSquareMile I think you're in Ireland too. I'm thinking the clue is in your name m.

I dealt with the family planning association previously and this is where I'll be ringing tomorrow.

OP posts:
Irisilume · 14/02/2025 00:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What do you imagine she could obtain at Boots that would solve this?

LBFseBrom · 14/02/2025 00:56

PaperAeroplane · 13/02/2025 22:35

So would I.

Show quote history

Me too.

At this early stage it is a matter of taking tablets I think.

Poor girl, she must be encouraged to go on the pill or find some reliable form of contraception after this.

Op, I feel for you as the girl is your friend's daughter but you can't betray her confidence. However I have a feeling she will tell her mother some day if not at the time, so be prepared for that.

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:57

I think it's best not to engage with born...... the name says everything and they only want to derail the thread.

OP posts:
BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:57

BettyBardMacDonald · 14/02/2025 00:51

It's not a baby. Stop with that nonsense.

Exactly. But that's the whole purpose of this thread. It's despicable. It's 2025 and men like this still insist a tiny cluster of cells is a baby.

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 00:59

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 00:49

@Mirabai

I think you've become confused somewhere. You made it about me, passed a comment about me being exactly the sort of person (?) a 17yo can't confide in. That's what I responded to you about. This situation does indeed have nothing to do with me; your comment comment made it about me. Whatever, it's fine. It's not about us.

No. You made it about you by complaining how furious you’d be if you were not told about a “lifechanging thing” happening to a “child”, your child obviously.

First she’s not a child, she’s not officially an adult yet but by law is capable of consent to sex and medical procedures; secondly it’s none of your business; thirdly she’s not your possession.

If you have your DD’s trust she will tell you herself, if you don’t she won’t. If you were suffering from mental illness at the time and she could not cope with dealing with you dealing with this - that’s her call.

Dodgyshoulder · 14/02/2025 01:00

I would take her.

Namechangean · 14/02/2025 01:01

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:51

Really. If your mum gets sectioned for psychosis when you're 17, you will get a social worker. Quite quickly too. I am assuming the 5 weeks pregnant young adult was living with mum, though? Maybe she had left home already.

Show quote history

No, you wouldn’t. If you are appropriately housed with other family members, then there’s no need for a social worker. She’s not homeless. Social services are stretched, they are not interested in a 17 year old who is living with grandparents/adult brother. For all we know the babies are with their own father.

and finally you can’t get a bloody abortion at boots.

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 01:04

@Namechangean our social services agency is not fit for purpose. It was recently exposed for not knowing the whereabouts of many children in their care, one being a 14 year old girl who was found in a brothel.

OP posts:
backpnceagain · 14/02/2025 01:04

Heartbreaking to read so many people insist it isn't a baby. Makes me feel amazing to read that after losing my own baby at 5 weeks (which may well be when the girl has her abortion by the time she speaks with counsellors etc. Funny how it's a baby until someone wants an abortion and suddenly it isn't. I hope the girl is well supported whatever decision she makes, it is never as simple as just deciding it's not a baby and it's also incorrect. It's a life which we choose to nurture or not.

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 01:04

Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:57

I think it's best not to engage with born...... the name says everything and they only want to derail the thread.

It's an album I really like. I don't understand why you'd covet opinions and then reject the ones you don't like? I don't believe a child's mother has been sectioned but there's no social worker. I also don't believe that you're having an emotional meltdown about this. All the covert stuff: "It was my daughter last year!" Rather than posting loads of stuff here for attention, maybe Google contraception? It's pretty reliable these days handy hint and tip.

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 01:08

@Mirabai

This is a chat board! I gave my opinion (there was no "complaining") just like everyone else contributing to this thread. That's what chat boards are for: chatting, discussing, opining. If I've made this about me, so has everybody else. Why so aggressive with me? I just have a different opinion to other people, one that's informed by my and my family's experiences - like everybody else in the world offering their opinions on life's happening. We all learn from mistakes and our experiences.

I've seen you around for years here and never seen you so irrational or aggressive (in fact, I generally tend to agree with you). I have no beef with anyone here, it's a difficult and very sad situation all round, and there's really no need for rudeness. I have nothing further to contribute to this thread: I gave my opinion, fleshed it out a bit and believe there's nothing further I want to say that would be useful or interesting to the OP.

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 01:08

I'm not having an emotional meltdown. I have not rejected opinions I don't like. It was my daughter 3 years ago. I'm on the deposit myself but thanks for the tip.

OP posts:
BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 01:09

backpnceagain · 14/02/2025 01:04

Heartbreaking to read so many people insist it isn't a baby. Makes me feel amazing to read that after losing my own baby at 5 weeks (which may well be when the girl has her abortion by the time she speaks with counsellors etc. Funny how it's a baby until someone wants an abortion and suddenly it isn't. I hope the girl is well supported whatever decision she makes, it is never as simple as just deciding it's not a baby and it's also incorrect. It's a life which we choose to nurture or not.

It's not a baby. It is a cluster of cells with the potential to become a baby. But it isn't a baby. Anyway, why aren't you lot out actively fostering and/or adopting all the teens languishing in children's homes? Rather than trying to describe a bioplast as a bloody baby. Mental.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2025 01:10

Meltedcandlewax · 13/02/2025 22:53

I’m sorry I would be absolutely furious if someone else had taken my daughter for an abortion at 17 and I don’t know anything about it. She absolutely must tell her mother , she is just a child really. Unless her mother is a monster or a religious fanatic, she should be told. Go with her and help her tell her mother.

Can you explain why the fuck you think you have the right to know?

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 01:12

@BornSandyDevotional you are absolutely disgraceful. What a dreadful thing to say to a woman that has lost her baby. You are disgusting. I'm so glad I didn't have the misfortune to be born you.

OP posts:
PandaTime · 14/02/2025 01:13

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 01:09

It's not a baby. It is a cluster of cells with the potential to become a baby. But it isn't a baby. Anyway, why aren't you lot out actively fostering and/or adopting all the teens languishing in children's homes? Rather than trying to describe a bioplast as a bloody baby. Mental.

Show quote history

You need to go to Boots for some empathy pills.

lnks · 14/02/2025 01:13

Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 01:12

@BornSandyDevotional you are absolutely disgraceful. What a dreadful thing to say to a woman that has lost her baby. You are disgusting. I'm so glad I didn't have the misfortune to be born you.

Careful. Your mask is slipping

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 01:14

I don't have a mask. It's a terrible thing to say.

OP posts:
lnks · 14/02/2025 01:15

Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 01:14

I don't have a mask. It's a terrible thing to say.

It’s the hyperbole, it gives you away.

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 01:15

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 01:08

@Mirabai

This is a chat board! I gave my opinion (there was no "complaining") just like everyone else contributing to this thread. That's what chat boards are for: chatting, discussing, opining. If I've made this about me, so has everybody else. Why so aggressive with me? I just have a different opinion to other people, one that's informed by my and my family's experiences - like everybody else in the world offering their opinions on life's happening. We all learn from mistakes and our experiences.

I've seen you around for years here and never seen you so irrational or aggressive (in fact, I generally tend to agree with you). I have no beef with anyone here, it's a difficult and very sad situation all round, and there's really no need for rudeness. I have nothing further to contribute to this thread: I gave my opinion, fleshed it out a bit and believe there's nothing further I want to say that would be useful or interesting to the OP.

Well I apologise if you found me aggressive, perhaps I was too hard on you, I don’t think my position is irrational though.

Too many teenage girls go through this alone with well meaning but naive advice from teenage friends.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 14/02/2025 01:15

Help her OP. Her coming to you shows how much she trusts you.
I am in the North of Ireland and I'm 33 now so growing up abortion was illegal and emergency contraception heavily frowned upon.
I remember one of my friends' mums sitting us down around 2008 and telling us all if ever we needed a lift to the pharmacy or any help if we were in trouble we could go to her and she would help us in absolute confidence. She was an absolute f*ing legend, much like I imagine you are with how much this girl trusts you.

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 01:20

@ANiceBigCupOfTea thank God for the change in the law here or she'd have to travel.

OP posts:
Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 01:20

@Mirabai ✌️

(That's peace out, not two fingers!)

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 01:22

Namechangean · 14/02/2025 01:01

No, you wouldn’t. If you are appropriately housed with other family members, then there’s no need for a social worker. She’s not homeless. Social services are stretched, they are not interested in a 17 year old who is living with grandparents/adult brother. For all we know the babies are with their own father.

and finally you can’t get a bloody abortion at boots.

Show quote history

This is fundamentally untrue in both the UK and Ireland. My mother, in her 80s now, was a Children's social worker for many years. Genuinely, lots of vulnerable children aren't picked up on because no one knows. But if mum's sectioned, it doesn't just happen that they all go down the pub and say: "it's alright. Crazy Maebh has been sectioned. But it's okay, mad eyed (fetal alcohol syndrome) moody Dougal and little Sinead are with their grandparents, sex worker Sharon and dodgy Dave. So that's fine." Understaffing is an issue. But please? A section doesn't just happen!