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Original poster

Daughter of friend has approached me for help with an abortion

233 replies

Geesgirl · 13/02/2025 22:27

She's 17, I've known her since she was a small child.

She's 2 to 3 weeks pregnant m, said she has just missed her period.

Can't tell her mum.

Of course I have told her she should, that nothing is as bad as it seems.

What a position to be in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:37

@Onlyonekenobe yes, in a nutshell. Those are the facts.

I think she has come to me because she has grown up with me in her life. I am her mother's closest friend and I have always been there when there has been a crisis. She confided in me the last number of years about her mother's illness. This isn't the first time I have helped her. I got her to stay in school. I have always just been there and that's probably why she has come to me.

OP posts:
TiredCatLady · 14/02/2025 00:39

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:34

If it's a chemical abortion of a tiny cluster of cells and the young woman needs someone to take her to Boots, take the kid to Boots. Why the epic emotional stuff? Just so, so weird.

Show quote history

Go do some yoga/take some painkillers and go to bed. The MAP is not chemical abortion and the latter is not “available at Boots”.

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 00:39

@Pallisers

She isn't "framing it" as this. It IS this.

You've spoken to the girl? You know her frame of mind? You know that she has not a shadow of a doubt in her mind, has thought everything through and came to this decision independently of OP and merely asked for practical help and support? You feel strongly about this, reading your last few posts. This isn't about abortion to me (I've said this on my earlier posts). The abortion element is totally irrelevant, to my mind.

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:40

PassingStranger · 14/02/2025 00:31

Not sure I understand that?
He is the baby's father is he not?

Show quote history

I'm calling bullshit on the whole thing, frankly. If you get pregnant at 17 - because you are somehow immune to information about contraception - and you want to have a baby, just have a baby. This is just an Irish traveller bashing thread.

Pallisers · 14/02/2025 00:40

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 00:39

@Pallisers

She isn't "framing it" as this. It IS this.

You've spoken to the girl? You know her frame of mind? You know that she has not a shadow of a doubt in her mind, has thought everything through and came to this decision independently of OP and merely asked for practical help and support? You feel strongly about this, reading your last few posts. This isn't about abortion to me (I've said this on my earlier posts). The abortion element is totally irrelevant, to my mind.

No. All I know is what the OP says. Like you? Do YOU know any better than the OP?

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:41

Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:37

@Onlyonekenobe yes, in a nutshell. Those are the facts.

I think she has come to me because she has grown up with me in her life. I am her mother's closest friend and I have always been there when there has been a crisis. She confided in me the last number of years about her mother's illness. This isn't the first time I have helped her. I got her to stay in school. I have always just been there and that's probably why she has come to me.

If you want to help her, help her. That's it.

Pallisers · 14/02/2025 00:41

What is WITH the irish traveller thing going on here? Can someone explain it to me?

TiredCatLady · 14/02/2025 00:41

@BornSandyDevotional What in the actual fuck are you on about?

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 00:42

Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:37

@Onlyonekenobe yes, in a nutshell. Those are the facts.

I think she has come to me because she has grown up with me in her life. I am her mother's closest friend and I have always been there when there has been a crisis. She confided in me the last number of years about her mother's illness. This isn't the first time I have helped her. I got her to stay in school. I have always just been there and that's probably why she has come to me.

I'm sorry your friend and her children have all this to deal with. Life can be very arbitrary and utterly unfair. What a series of exceptional bad luck. I know it happens. Wish everyone involved a better and healthier future. Flowers

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:43

@BornSandyDevotional no one but you has mentioned Irish travellers but you.

OP posts:
HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 14/02/2025 00:44

Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:07

@Joulesdog it was not intended to be that. If a 17 year old can't get help and support from their mother then they just can't and that's the end of that. I hope that doesn't sound rude.

I think her mother obviously can't mother the way she'd want to mother right now as she is so ill. And this is (obviously) a time-critical situation.

There will probably be fall-out when she recovers, but I think you know this and have decided to help anyway and for this I absolutely salute you. You're doing the right thing. More power to you Flowers

Mirabai · 14/02/2025 00:44

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 00:35

@Mirabai

Can’t you see that this kind of attitude identifies you as exactly the type of a 17 year old can’t confide in?

With respect: you have no idea what you're talking about, nor what my family has been through. You're trying to demonstrate your feminists or pro-choice or whatever type of parenting props with this comment, but in this instance you've deeply insulted someone you know nothing about. A little circumspection would be appropriate imo.

I know exactly what I’m talking about, I’ve been that 17 year old and I have my own teenage DD. It’s irrelevant what your family has been through - this about a girl who needs help - it’s not about you.

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:45

@Pallisers I've no idea! Bonkers. Think they bumped their head when they did their back in.

OP posts:
Dery · 14/02/2025 00:45

“Notgivenuphope · Yesterday 22:39

Her mum is not in a good place at the moment and I don't think the daughter would be treated with kindness.

The priority is the girl, not the mother or your friendship. She is a vulnerable teenager, yet of age, so needs support and kindness. Just as you would want your daughter treated if for whatever reason you were unable to do so.

Support the girl's wishes”

This. It is tricky, OP, but a huge compliment that she feels able to come to you. If my DDs felt unable to come to me for something, then I would be so relieved that they felt able to confide in someone else. In the end, this girl’s wellbeing comes ahead of her mother’s in this scenario.

PandaTime · 14/02/2025 00:47

Irish doesn't mean traveller. That is a bizarre leap to make. 😕

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:48

This reply has been deleted

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Namechangean · 14/02/2025 00:48

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:13

She will have a social worker, though. Do support but don't make it about you. I'm sure it's a burden. But just signpost advice and tell her, openly, that you need to reach out in the interests of giving her the best opportunities. She needs greater support and practical advice that you are able to provide. Poor, poor girl. It's heartbreaking. And I'm so sorry 😔

Show quote history

Even if she had a social worker, which is a jump considering she’s 17, they would be their parent. She would still be 17 and completely able to make her own medical decisions. She doesn’t need to tell mum, or her grandparents, or some mythical social worker. She can make her own decision, which she has, what she needs is practical support. OP is right to offer that. End of

Original poster
Geesgirl · 14/02/2025 00:48

@PandaTime it is indeed and one we should just ignore.

OP posts:
HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 14/02/2025 00:49

@BornSandyDevotional you really don't understand how TOP/high street chemists/MAP intersect...

Onlyonekenobe · 14/02/2025 00:49

@Mirabai

I think you've become confused somewhere. You made it about me, passed a comment about me being exactly the sort of person (?) a 17yo can't confide in. That's what I responded to you about. This situation does indeed have nothing to do with me; your comment comment made it about me. Whatever, it's fine. It's not about us.

lnks · 14/02/2025 00:50

PassingStranger · 14/02/2025 00:31

Not sure I understand that?
He is the baby's father is he not?

Show quote history

No. Because it isn’t a baby.

PandaTime · 14/02/2025 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Go to Boots for what? A lot of Irish people are anti-abortion (and have large families) because they are religious. Not because they are travellers.

BornSandyDevotional · 14/02/2025 00:51

Namechangean · 14/02/2025 00:48

Even if she had a social worker, which is a jump considering she’s 17, they would be their parent. She would still be 17 and completely able to make her own medical decisions. She doesn’t need to tell mum, or her grandparents, or some mythical social worker. She can make her own decision, which she has, what she needs is practical support. OP is right to offer that. End of

Show quote history

Really. If your mum gets sectioned for psychosis when you're 17, you will get a social worker. Quite quickly too. I am assuming the 5 weeks pregnant young adult was living with mum, though? Maybe she had left home already.

BettyBardMacDonald · 14/02/2025 00:51

It's not a baby. Stop with that nonsense.

snowlady4 · 14/02/2025 00:53

She doesn't really need your help to have an abortion as such, the service is available to her and she has her first appointment. If she decides that's what she definitely wants, she will do it, with or without you, or mum, or anyone.
I think she just wants some support, she knows you supported your own daughter and she doesn't feel she can tell her own mum.
Tricky to keep it from your friend but it's really not her business. It's not your information to share with her.
Hope she's ok.