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Original poster

Ghosted after date as he had a "weird day - feeling foolish - hating OLD

186 replies

Frustrated40f · 09/02/2025 20:09

Hi
I went on a date last weekend with someone I'd matched with on Bumble. It was a nice date, a couple of pints then went for a meal. He suggested meeting again and I said yes. We firmed up plans over WhatsApp, that we would meet for drinks on Wednesday and then go to a gig on Friday.
We were texting the rest of the weekend and up till Wednesday morning. I'd asked him how his day was and he replied "weird but OK" when I was at work. I came down with a horrible bug on Wednesday evening and didn't reply till Friday morning. I messaged him apologising for not replying sooner but that I had been unwell, and asked how he was, and sent him a gif of a band we both like. He's left it unread since Friday morning! I was looking forward to seeing him again, WIBU to follow up my messages from Friday asking if he still wants to meet this week? Or is this just the done thing now, and people just change their minds and don't reply if they no longer want to see someone again? And I should leave well enough alone?
(We kissed on the lips at the end of the date but nothing more, if it's relevant.)

OP posts:
northernlight20 · 09/02/2025 20:12

sounds like you ghosted him first. Takes 2 seconds to send a text, but you ignored him till Friday. Yeah, he’s not in the wrong here op.

LostittoBostik · 09/02/2025 20:15

He was expecting you to reply to his "weird"
text so you could make plans for the wed evening and you didn't even let him know you'd fallen ill and couldn't make it?

If that's an accurate reading (not sure if I got confused) then you ghosted him and he's written you off as he hasn't got time for it.

Lesson is don't hang around waiting for the next one to chase you.

DatingDinosaur · 09/02/2025 20:16

Sounds like he's playing tit-for-tat. You didn't reply to him for a couple of days so he's doing the same to you.

Don't feel glum. He's just outed himself as not the right guy for you. If he can't handle a day or two of no communication (particularly as you apologised and explained) then he's not ready to be in an adult relationship.

northernlight20 · 09/02/2025 20:17

DatingDinosaur · 09/02/2025 20:16

Sounds like he's playing tit-for-tat. You didn't reply to him for a couple of days so he's doing the same to you.

Don't feel glum. He's just outed himself as not the right guy for you. If he can't handle a day or two of no communication (particularly as you apologised and explained) then he's not ready to be in an adult relationship.

They had plans for drinks on wed evening but she didn’t text him back on wed, she only replied 2 days later. She’s in the wrong.

shivermetimbers77 · 09/02/2025 20:17

So, am I reading it right that you were supposed to meet on Wednesday but you didn't reply until Friday because you were unwell? I have to say I'm not surprised he has pulled away, as I would interpret that as a ghosting too. I think if you are interested then definitely message again and ask him out.. nothing to lose really.

Viviennemary · 09/02/2025 20:18

Your own fault. You didn't even bother gett8ng in touch although you had plans to meet on the Wednesday. You ghosted him

DatingDinosaur · 09/02/2025 20:25

northernlight20 · 09/02/2025 20:17

They had plans for drinks on wed evening but she didn’t text him back on wed, she only replied 2 days later. She’s in the wrong.

Show quote history

Ahh, yes, sorry. I've just re-read it and...

Yes, OP, you was in the wrong for not cancelling Wednesday or asking him about his weird day - basically you stood him up then ghosted him.

Arlanymor · 09/02/2025 20:28

You ghosted him. I get that you were ill, but a brief message to update him would have been considerate. He’s probably reevaluating things and if the shoe was on the other foot so would you.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 09/02/2025 20:28

I don't blame him tbh. You didn't even bother to let him know you were ill. He probably thinks you're flaky and messing him about.

RentalWoesNotFun · 09/02/2025 20:30

So you texted him Wednesday morning and didn't arrange/show up for your date Wednesday night and didn't contact him til Friday? WTH.

No wonder he isn't best pleased. You should have sent one text to say you were ill at the very least. You're in the wrong.

He prob thinks you've no manners or youve been out on other dates with other guys and are stringing him along.

If you still want him you'd have to apologise and explain big time. But I think he'll prob not be into you any more after ignoring him for days.

Is this a reverse? Did someone do this to you?

TwistedWonder · 09/02/2025 21:03

You were supposed to be meeting Weds night, he messaged Weds morning and you didn’t bother to reply til Friday morning?

Sorry OP but you’re absolutely the one in the wrong here and I don’t blame him if he’s binned you off. You were really rude not even telling him you wasn’t well enough to meet Wednesday.

Im struggling to understand that you can’t see that and think he’s ghosted you.

noglobe · 09/02/2025 21:21

You firmed up plans to go for a drink on Wednesday evening...then you ignored his messages from Wednesday morning onwards, didn't meet him for the drink you'd already planned, and didn't bother messaging him again until Friday?

Were you really so ill that you couldn't send a quick message saying "really sorry, will have to rearrange tonight as I'm unwell"?
I'd write this one off, I can't see many people would want to pursue a relationship when this was how the arranged second date went.

Original poster
Frustrated40f · 09/02/2025 21:50

Sorry wasn't clear in my first post - we were never meant to be meeting till this coming Wednesday. So I didn't ghost him. I wouldn't do that to someone.
Just took longer than would be expected to reply (as in, didn't reply Wednesday eve as I came home from work sick or on the Thursday. Replied to him Friday AM and now he's not opening my messages).

OP posts:
Original poster
Frustrated40f · 09/02/2025 21:53

RentalWoesNotFun · 09/02/2025 20:30

So you texted him Wednesday morning and didn't arrange/show up for your date Wednesday night and didn't contact him til Friday? WTH.

No wonder he isn't best pleased. You should have sent one text to say you were ill at the very least. You're in the wrong.

He prob thinks you've no manners or youve been out on other dates with other guys and are stringing him along.

If you still want him you'd have to apologise and explain big time. But I think he'll prob not be into you any more after ignoring him for days.

Is this a reverse? Did someone do this to you?

No, not a reverse. This happened to me, unfortunately!

OP posts:
DiscoBaIIs · 09/02/2025 21:57

It takes a couple of seconds to text:

"Feeling poorly, gonna put my phone on silent and sleep it off - will message soon" or somesuch. I can't stand it when I am left hanging like you left him. I don't expect to be messaging someone all day, but someone I am just connecting with, to suddenly go radio silent, nah, can't be doing with that.

TwistedWonder · 09/02/2025 21:58

Sorry but if I’d been on one date with someone and then they didn’t reply to a message for a couple of days, I’d be unmatching.
I think you were rude not to take 30 seconds to reply ‘sorry not feeling great, I’ll message when I’m feeling a bit better’

You were in the wrong, this isn’t on him.

MrsKarlUrban · 09/02/2025 22:01

Maybe he's poorly with what you had? You could give it one more text and apologise for your late reply and then leave it if he ignores it x

Gettingslimmer · 09/02/2025 22:04

Yeah sorry op, I’m not sure you can complain he ghosted you when you did the same to him. How ill were you that you could not send a quick text?

Mom2K · 09/02/2025 22:12

Frustrated40f · 09/02/2025 21:50

Sorry wasn't clear in my first post - we were never meant to be meeting till this coming Wednesday. So I didn't ghost him. I wouldn't do that to someone.
Just took longer than would be expected to reply (as in, didn't reply Wednesday eve as I came home from work sick or on the Thursday. Replied to him Friday AM and now he's not opening my messages).

It still comes across as you ghosting him though. It would have taken 2 seconds to let him know you just got home from work feeling very sick and might not text for a day or two since you'll be in bed.

Why didn't you do that? And don't say you were too unwell. You got yourself home. Unless you were unconscious or in a hospital there's no excuse to not let him know you'd be out of touch temporarily.

savuni27 · 09/02/2025 22:13

Sorry but I think you ghosted him. The modern dating world moves mega quick. If I didn't hear from someone for a couple of days and we'd previously been texting quite frequently then I'd think they weren't interested and move on.

noglobe · 09/02/2025 22:17

Your update changes it slightly...but I still think you set the precedent here.
You disappeared and ignored his last message for two days with no explanation.
He hasn't read or replied to your latest message for two days.
He hasn't done anything you haven't already done.

He might have been asking "so is this the done thing now? People lose interest and don't bother replying?" while you left him on read. It sounds like his interest has now cooled, so there's no point chasing him.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2025 22:21

What illness makes someone so poorly that they can't send a two second text explaining but are absolutely fine the next day?
I would have moved on from you too op, not texting for a whole day when you'd been consistently every day up till then isn't good.

Waterboatlass · 09/02/2025 22:26

Maybe try one more message with an open question to be clear it's not an excuse if you liked him. He may not be ghosting as such but may think you've gone off the boil and not want to jump straight back in. If no reply then fine but you've tried.

penelopelondon · 09/02/2025 22:34

I must be a total weirdo but if an online stranger who I've gone ONCE on a date doesn't message me for two days I loose no sleep. People have lives. If said person texts me after two days to tell me about his cold I would probably reccomend him some ginger tea and to get well.

Whats all this madness with people thinking it's rude not to text an online stranger for two days? Why being so over invested in someone you don't know from adam? I see as massive red flag someone getting pissed of because I don't text back for two days, I would see him as obsessive and he not having much of a life.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 09/02/2025 22:37

People can be very flaky on OLD and either he is or he thinks you are. No harm in sending another message if you want to.