Ghosted after date as he had a "weird day - feeling foolish - hating OLD

[Frustrated40f]

Hi
I went on a date last weekend with someone I'd matched with on Bumble. It was a nice date, a couple of pints then went for a meal. He suggested meeting again and I said yes. We firmed up plans over WhatsApp, that we would meet for drinks on Wednesday and then go to a gig on Friday.
We were texting the rest of the weekend and up till Wednesday morning. I'd asked him how his day was and he replied "weird but OK" when I was at work. I came down with a horrible bug on Wednesday evening and didn't reply till Friday morning. I messaged him apologising for not replying sooner but that I had been unwell, and asked how he was, and sent him a gif of a band we both like. He's left it unread since Friday morning! I was looking forward to seeing him again, WIBU to follow up my messages from Friday asking if he still wants to meet this week? Or is this just the done thing now, and people just change their minds and don't reply if they no longer want to see someone again? And I should leave well enough alone?
(We kissed on the lips at the end of the date but nothing more, if it's relevant.)

You were taking the P. Very rude not to have cancelled arrangements for Wednesday. You didn't get run over by a bus and were on life support. No wonder you are single.

You annoyed him by not replying for two days. I think a quick message wouldn't have hurt tbh

I once told someone on a dating site I couldn’t talk to them for a week because i was going on holiday. (I was actually going on holiday). He thought I was making it up, got really weird, then never spoke to me again.

Actually his last text said his day was "Weird but ok". I don't think warrants much of a response. If he was very interested, he could have asked OP a question

The date is for next week! How bloody rude

Why couldn't you talk whilst on holiday? Weird.

He sounds very immature playing tit for tat games. I’d bin this one.

While holiday one is too busy having a good time, dealing with kids, going out for dinner, getting pissed, swimming in the pool or checking the local shops, honestly the last thing on my mind is to text that guy on bumble.

Texting etiquette is a mystery to me, but if you were messaging regularly then suddenly gave radio silence then I can understand he may be a bit miffed, but if you’ve sent an explanation then that should suffice if he’s keen?

Unless you’re in a coma/taken hostage/fallen down a hole you can generally send a quick text?

Im old. I was using a desktop 🤭

You changed the frequency of texting significantly. He moved on.

Seems to be the way OLD is.

Even when I've been at my most poorly I've been able to text people so I think you should have explained you were unwell on Wednesday as soon as you know you weren't up to meeting up, after his weird text. Id have taken your silence as being ghosted so I can't blame him for doing the same, he probably thinks your apology message is an excuse now. As an adult he probably doesn't have time for her likely perceived as game playing, bare it in mind with the next person you meet.

Not in Wales is he

OP imagine if this was the other way round. Imagine you’d been texting regularly , and you sent a message on Wednesday morning (that clearly invited a reply) and he’d ignored you. 2 days later he replies, expecting to pick up where he left off. If you’d posted on here asking advice, everyone would tell you not to reply. They’d say he’d ignored you for 2 days with no explanation, so he was flaky and unreliable. And they’d be right.

He probably assumed you’d been on a date with someone else, keeping your options open, but it hadn’t worked out so you’d decided to message him after all.

@MumblesParty He probably assumed you’d been on a date with someone else, keeping your options open, but it hadn’t worked out so you’d decided to message him after all.

It takes a very insecure person to think that if you don't text them right away is because you're on a date. People have lives, children, work, sometimes we get sick, we're faulty humans. Also: If someone who you just met on bumble and gone for a coffee expects exclusivity or assumes you're not going on dates with other people please run away from him. Fast.

If you were texting regularly and you just ignored his message suddenly and disappeared for two days then its your fault its all gone quiet his end. Its very early on, excuses like "I was was so ill suddenly I could not text" just dont cut it - he probably thought you were out with someone else/ not interested anymore.

Just out of interest, why couldn't you simply text him that you were ill?

Oh FFS. OP you have done nothing wrong. He relied "weird but OK" and didn't message you back either. You were sick, so you didn't reply - but it's not like you ignored loads of his messages. He actually didn't take the initiative to text you for two days either.

Fucking hell.

So let me get this straight. Grown adults can't go more than five minutes without having to send texts? Or - hilariously - explain why they are not going to be texting for a bloody day or 2? After ONE DATE! One date!!

How insecure and desperate do you have to be to be playing stupid games at being 'ignored' after - I have to repeat this - ONE DATE?!

You've done nothing wrong here OP. I mean, you're clearly guilty of not being clingy and engaging in a million texts when you're unwell (how dare you!) so my advice is to just let this one go and onwards and upwards

@penelopelondon if I was in a continuous text exchange for several days, with someone I’d not long met, and they suddenly went silent, I would consider various explanations. Obviously illness, family issue, work drama etc would be on the list - but based on past experience (and the experiences of most people), by far the most likely reason would be that they’d lost interest.

I don’t feel like you were that into him, if it was me I’d of messaged telling him you wasn’t very well. Communication is key and you purposely chose to ignore him. It takes 2 seconds to send a text and if you were that into him you’d of made it a priority. I would have if it was me made an effort to let him know I wasn’t well. There’s no reason also while you’re not unwell to check in with someone each day or every so often. It’s not like you were unable to pick your phone up.

@DearOwl obviously OP has done nothing wrong. She can text or not text whoever she wants. But the simple fact is that if you’re texting someone frequently every day early on in a relationship, and then you stop, it’s usually because you’re losing interest. So it’s perfectly reasonable for the other person to move on.
It’s completely unreasonable for OP to claim she’s been ghosted, when it was, in fact, her who went quiet.

Texting a lot with a relative stranger doesn't come easily to me but I think in early online dating you have to force yourself sometimes even when you're not in the mood. Like when you were ill - even just a holding text. Don't push to the point you're uncomfortable but dating apps are such a fast moving world where people are disposable that you just have to play the game for a while. It's naive to think it isn't this way (other posters, not you OP).

Not responding for two days probably made him think you lost interest but then got bored and reached out. I'd leave it now personally and if he changes his mind he knows where you are.

Agree it's a mumsnet pile on

Yes but OP is complaining she’s been ghosted. She expected him to sit tight and be patient till she felt ready to text, but she won’t extend him the same courtesy.

So maybe just maybe the OP's guy just lost interest and realised he was not into her, or maybe that "weird but ok" message meant had a big problem at work, had a health issue or got arrested. Who knows. What is clear is that the OP is more invested in him than he is invested in her. Maybe he's gone into dadsnet.com and opened a thread with the same question? (that would be quite hilarious).