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Original poster

Ghosted after date as he had a "weird day - feeling foolish - hating OLD

186 replies

Frustrated40f · 09/02/2025 20:09

Hi
I went on a date last weekend with someone I'd matched with on Bumble. It was a nice date, a couple of pints then went for a meal. He suggested meeting again and I said yes. We firmed up plans over WhatsApp, that we would meet for drinks on Wednesday and then go to a gig on Friday.
We were texting the rest of the weekend and up till Wednesday morning. I'd asked him how his day was and he replied "weird but OK" when I was at work. I came down with a horrible bug on Wednesday evening and didn't reply till Friday morning. I messaged him apologising for not replying sooner but that I had been unwell, and asked how he was, and sent him a gif of a band we both like. He's left it unread since Friday morning! I was looking forward to seeing him again, WIBU to follow up my messages from Friday asking if he still wants to meet this week? Or is this just the done thing now, and people just change their minds and don't reply if they no longer want to see someone again? And I should leave well enough alone?
(We kissed on the lips at the end of the date but nothing more, if it's relevant.)

OP posts:
penelopelondon · 10/02/2025 12:08

Calliecarpa · 10/02/2025 11:50

'find a stranger who texts you every day as something normal'.

In OLD, it doesn't seem abnormal or unusual for two people first getting to know each other to mesage every day, or even several times a day, no. We're in 2025, not 1925. To suggest that this is a 'red flag' seems as much of an overreaction to me as your claim that this man is 'toxic' for not responding to the OP.

Show quote history

Maybe I belong to 1925 but i find it very weird and full of red flags the fact an OLD stranger would text me several times a day, a husband or a partner maybe. I'm careful and picky who I give direct access to my life and my phone. I've met some great people on dating apps in the past who I gradually got to know well and turned into great real life friendships, but these took time for trust to build. Call me 'guarded'.

mondaytosunday · 10/02/2025 12:16

So you took a couple days to reply and say it's not ghosting (I would agree) but now he's taken a couple days and it is?
Just message him again asking if Wednesday is still on. If he doesn't reply before then then yes you have been ghosted.
If I'd sent a text saying my day was 'weird' I would expect a 'gosh how so' reply. That you didn't reply or text that you were ill does indicate that you're not very interested.

Original poster
Frustrated40f · 10/02/2025 12:21

DesperatelySeekingDan · 10/02/2025 08:36

I'm glad I'm out of all of this and married.

In the old days before mobile phones and constant texting, people would just arrange a next date or they'd say 'I'll call you' - sometimes they did and sometimes they didn't.

This constant need to text someone you've barely met seems to complicate things.

I wish I was out of this and married too 😅

OP posts:
NotVeryFunny · 10/02/2025 12:31

penelopelondon · 09/02/2025 22:34

I must be a total weirdo but if an online stranger who I've gone ONCE on a date doesn't message me for two days I loose no sleep. People have lives. If said person texts me after two days to tell me about his cold I would probably reccomend him some ginger tea and to get well.

Whats all this madness with people thinking it's rude not to text an online stranger for two days? Why being so over invested in someone you don't know from adam? I see as massive red flag someone getting pissed of because I don't text back for two days, I would see him as obsessive and he not having much of a life.

Edited

This. The PPs on this thread sound absolutely ludicrous (and needy) to me. I would not want to be messaging someone I'd just met constantly and if someone threw their toys out of the pram because I'd not messaged for a couple of days I'd think I'd dodged a bullet. Jesus, people have lives and they'd just met!!

GentlemanJay · 10/02/2025 12:58

You ghosted him.

penelopelondon · 10/02/2025 13:19

GentlemanJay · 10/02/2025 12:58

You ghosted him.

oh the drama 😱 Not entertaining a man for 2 days is not 'ghosting', it's called 'life problems interfiering", choosing to dissapear for good with no explanation IS ghosting.

northernlight20 · 10/02/2025 14:28

I mean I know MN hates men. But this is ridiculous. She ignores him for 2 days and it’s ok, he does the same and it’s toxic??? He’s treated her the way she treated him. I don’t care what anyone says, it takes 2 seconds to send a text. No one is that busy.

BreezyScroller · 10/02/2025 14:45

FrauPaige · 10/02/2025 11:36

Amazing how many people judge their spouses on their track record of responding promptly to texts. "Darling, what ever do you see in me?" "You respond quickly to texts." Oh the romance of it all!

Actually.. in real life it does matter and I am glad my partner doesn't ignore my texts for 2 days to make a point like the OP.

When I text about kids or something important, I do appreciate to be acknowledged quickly and the other parent taking responsibility too.

Normal adults can see the difference between a quick reply and things that can wait.

The OP chose to blank the guy, fair enough - she wasn't in a coma, she could have messaged if she wanted to, he should move on and find someone who doesn't play childish games.

Mammyloveswine · 10/02/2025 17:12

It's a pain online dating.. The ghosting is ridiculous!

I'd just pop him another message checking jn and apologising.

I've been on 4 dates with someone, texting everyday and he's dwindled off now.. I actually really like him but did offer him an out last week as I said I'm only child-free every other weekend but he was determined he wanted to still make the effort.

Oh well Valentine's Day on my own 🙈

GentlemanJay · 10/02/2025 19:18

northernlight20 · 10/02/2025 14:28

I mean I know MN hates men. But this is ridiculous. She ignores him for 2 days and it’s ok, he does the same and it’s toxic??? He’s treated her the way she treated him. I don’t care what anyone says, it takes 2 seconds to send a text. No one is that busy.

They were supposed to be going on a date.

Tinkerbell1281 · 11/02/2025 12:02

Kenclucky · 10/02/2025 08:59

"Weird but ok" to me is textbook for "ex got back in touch".

Haha! exactly what I thought!

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