Ghosted after date as he had a "weird day - feeling foolish - hating OLD

[Frustrated40f]

Hi
I went on a date last weekend with someone I'd matched with on Bumble. It was a nice date, a couple of pints then went for a meal. He suggested meeting again and I said yes. We firmed up plans over WhatsApp, that we would meet for drinks on Wednesday and then go to a gig on Friday.
We were texting the rest of the weekend and up till Wednesday morning. I'd asked him how his day was and he replied "weird but OK" when I was at work. I came down with a horrible bug on Wednesday evening and didn't reply till Friday morning. I messaged him apologising for not replying sooner but that I had been unwell, and asked how he was, and sent him a gif of a band we both like. He's left it unread since Friday morning! I was looking forward to seeing him again, WIBU to follow up my messages from Friday asking if he still wants to meet this week? Or is this just the done thing now, and people just change their minds and don't reply if they no longer want to see someone again? And I should leave well enough alone?
(We kissed on the lips at the end of the date but nothing more, if it's relevant.)

He may be a serial dater and has a few dates lined up were he sees more shagging potential hence the reason he hasn't bother to read her message, or maybe he fell in a ditch and he's still trying to climb out of it. Ditches can be a problem sometimes, they're everywhere 😂

Nah you ghosted him first. You're able to text when sick..I can't make Friday etc.. but you weren't arsed and now he's lost interest

I wouldn't define "ghosting" as someone who doesn't text you for two days.

I don't think she really did anything wrong, but she cannot have it both ways. Either not responding for a few days isn't a big deal for either side or it is a big deal. So, her complaint about him "ghosting" her (by doing the same thing that she did) doesn't make much sense.

Less is more with texting - these problems arise because people text too much. Why the constant stream of interaction?

Limit remote interactions, use texting as a way to arrange dates, and give yourself something to talk about on the actual date. It helps you to maintain allure for longer as you remain mysterious for longer which heightens interest in your dating partner and makes the dates themselves more exciting and interesting. Learning about each other face to face is far more memorable and engaging than doing so over text.

This was just one date in..? Plenty more fish in the sea. Less is more.

Well there is this as well tbh: I didn't have much to reply to as he'd sent me a statement of fact not a question. If he had asked me how I was or something I think it would look worse on my part.

To clarify

Not texting for two days is OK.

Not texting for three days is ghosting.

What is the cutoff time?

Maybe he's unwell and will message her in a few days when he's feeling better?

If he can't handle a day or two of no communication ...... it's the OP who can't handle a day or two of no communication

@Frustrated40f So, currently, you don't know why his day last Wednesday was "weird but OK"? Maybe something's happened at work that's upset him? Why don't you send him a text saying something like "Just checking you're OK and that we're still on for meeting up on Wednesday?" If he was put off by your not replying to him for a couple of days last week, this may be enough to reignite his interest and reassure him you're still interested. If he doesn't reply then you have your answer and will just have to chalk it up to experience.

I don't know about anybody else but I don't feel like contacting anyone else when I'm ill.

Send him another text.

I think you changed the tone first by not replying. He may have thought you were ghosting him. Communication is important in the early stages I think.

I think "weird but ok" does give you something to respond to though. Surely you ask "how do you mean, weird?" I'd be kind of interested.

@category12 I agree, I'd have replied along those lines too, maybe adding something like "If you need to talk about it, give me a call at lunchtime" - just something so that he knew I was interested and concerned for him.

Well of course not, nobody does, but if in this situation I thought someone was expecting to hear from me I'd just send them a quick text saying "Got home from work feeling really rough, going to bed early in the hope I feel better in the morning. I'll catch up with you tomorrow."
In this age of 24/7/365 communication, it really doesn't take much effort to be courteous and not leave people hanging.

Why were you meeting about 10 days after your first date? Your OP definitely sounds like it was meant to be the Wednesday after the weekend and then a gig on the Friday, not the following week (which would mean no meet up that weekend either). Maybe it was all too casual. OLD is a numbers game as they say so he probably thought it was just one of the numbers and on to the next.

I think he’s a bit put off that you disappeared for 2 days and now isn’t bothering to reply. I know you were unwell but it takes 2 seconds to message someone and say I'm
unwell, I’ll reply when I can.

I reckon he’s been upset about this and has decided to not peruse this any longer.

You can either message him again or just leave it be and move on.

I don't understand how someone can be too ill to send a short text on a Wednesday evening when they know the other person is expecting one - yet be well enough by Friday morning.

He will have assumed you were playing games or not interested, or just a rude person.

I think it will be because you didn't reply to his text too.

He sent a rather intriguing message which you ignored for two days.

I think you messed up here.

I’m sure you were genuinely ill op however, knowing how flaky online dating is, if someone had not text me for a couple of days when all previous communications had been very frequently then I’d think they were doing a slow fade on me. You would not believe the amount of men who have done similar to me in the past and made up some story why they haven’t messaged me for a few days only for me to have seen them online on the dating app. I’m definitely not saying you have done this and I do believe you when you say you was ill however, from his point of view, if I’d heard similar stories over and over again from various people on OLD, I’d probably be less inclined to believe them so I can see why he has probably disappeared.
On the other hand as pp has pointed out, it literally takes 2 seconds to send a text and I’ve sent messages to people when I’ve been in bed ill so I am struggling to fathom why you couldn’t just send a little message to him explaining you were ill to let him know you were still around.

Need to go back to early 00's when none of this nonsense existed!

Ignore the nasty comments OP

I met loads of guys on OLD (when I was single) and had my fair share of flakes/oddballs/weirdos.
I had some really nice dates and then they ghosted/said they'd ring but didn't etc.
Stop ruminating on this OP and just move on.

I'm trying to get it all clear.

He last texted you on Wednesday morning. You replied on Friday. You had plans for Friday but he left you unread. You've heard nothing all weekend.

If that's the case then he's ghosted you and you are well rid. Rude fucker.

God, I couldn't be doing with dating and constantly texting, or have friendships with anyone who demands you are on a phone all the time. Not replying to texts for a couple of days because you are busy or unwell isn't ghosting.