Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@PinkNeonSign Yes, best leave it. If someone isn’t dead keen, you can’t change their mind with your actions. Other than going fully cold on them sometimes but why play games to ‘win’?

How long have you been single? How do you feel in yourself overall?

Asking because I had a weird time dating when I was first single after a looong relationship. I was punching well below my weight, entertaining a few guys who I probably wouldn’t look at twice now and that I’m more secure in myself, and attached quite a lot of significance to every date. I thought I had to be flexible, believed that I was ‘past my best’, etc etc. It was a messy few months.

Then I stopped dating, found happiness, found a really good balance. Learned my value, learned that guys almost always come back, they are indeed very much like buses. Now I’m such a better place, but still able to connect and fall in love if a truly well matched person presents themselves.

It can be a bit dated but actually reading “Why men love bitches” was a nice and funny refresher to me after a chaotic dating period.

Thanks @ElleintheWoods I’m just dipping my toe in after 18 months of singledom. It’s only now that I feel strong enough.

Its just different cause Im 12 years older now and I have children.

First experience not too bad to be fair, I think it was probably too much to expect that it would lead anywhere. I’ll live! X

@ElleintheWoods That’s exciting! Being articulate is also a very swoonworthy trait in my opinion. Sounds like a sensible approach to sound things out first.

@ElleintheWoods Oh and yes, both child free by choice. It gets increasingly hard mid-40s to find someone else who is child free!

@PinkNeonSign no loss then 🙂 I remember being in a similar place to you.

To paraphrase Jim Steinman, you'll never be as young as you are right now.

Believe me you are younger than you think 😘

@ElleintheWoods thanks for the book recc 🙂

Well I DTD with MrX and tbh if it had been like that before we split, we wouldn't have split. Shallow? Moi?!

@BoxOfCats Plot twist, I have a tiny suspicion Mr StTropez could be gay... He lives in the gay village of his city, and in his most recent email said he 'lives there as that's the only place where he felt like he fitted in properly'. Oops! But will be fun to get together anyway, he seems like an awesome person.

Do you find you stumble across some men really obsessed with parenthood/ fatherhood? Not only in the sense of being a good dad, which is normal, but wanting to have children and saying things like 'I think you'd make a good mum', or fundamentally questioning why you've chosen to be child free and trying to change your mind? I guess 35-40 is prime conception time for men, and I get this so much!

@Nosdacariad and how do you feel about this?

On another note... Spent the entire weekend with Mr RedFlagParade 🚩and DTD... I think if it would have been left up to him it would not have happened but it was very good.

I definitely have magic powers though. Magic powers for EVEN men who start off with 'my place or yours?', nevermind other men, to want to share their deepest, darkest secrets all night instead of something more fun. I don't know what I do, but it's almost like men can't bring themselves to touch me and want to talk instead. For context, usually these are men that meet me IRL and start chatting with a line like 'wow, you're so beautiful, I just had to come and say hi'. So it won't be a lack of physical attraction, but somehow men just want to talk to me endlessly, for hours and hours, on many occasions, without making any kind of physical move. Often it goes on for so long that they just become friends as I assume they aren't interested and we were always just friends.

@ElleintheWoods omg I'm delighted for you. No luck for me so far but it's ok lol

It was very sweet tbh. He just held me all night, legs tangled, and there was hours of talking. Which would have been ideal but not what I expected. He’s also incredibly easy on the eye so I’m glad I made it happen, despite the many red flags 🚩Honestly though, had I left it up to him, we would still be just talking!

Nobody on the radar who might be of interest for you?

@ElleintheWoods it's exciting news, what's next?

I feel...confused 🙃

That’s it, mission accomplished. Maybe there’s going to be seconds but I’m unsure.

How did it come about? How you spoken since?

@ElleintheWoodsOh, that is a plot twist! Yes it does sound like it could be a little hint of sorts. Only one way to find out I guess!

Sounds like you finally got Mr RedFlagParade out of your system! Or perhaps not quite yet…? 😉

ElleintheWoods Finally happy for you!

How much do you think you should message when you meet people on the apps? I feel like you have to get into a bit of back and forth to strike a rapport but then when you don’t arrange to meet, but you’re messaging a lot, it either gets into boring day to day or goes down a route you don’t want it to way too quickly. Or just stops. What does everyone think?

Hi all glad there’s been some action over the weekend!

yes @PinkNeonSignI’m tired of the texting as well. I fell into the trap of texting too much with one guy. I’m being a bit more careful with new ones. I think if there’s distance involved you can do phone calls - but if there isn’t an invitation to a date pretty soon I’m pulling right back on the texting as it’s a waste of time if it’s not going anywhere and then your brain starts filling in the gaps when this person is virtually a stranger. I’ll let you know if this strategy works! I’d like to go on some dates! How’s it going for you.

Ceci693 Are you still talking to Softy or Mr Big Dog?

PinkNeonSign It's hard isn't it. I definitely make an effort as I don't want them to think that I'm not interested, but I also won't be available too much, as the day to day chat is just boring with somebody you haven't met, isn't it.

I made the mistake when I first started out of saying to men that I was 'Generally available in the evenings' but then some of them wanted to spend the entire evening chatting & that just builds a false sense of intimacy.

I met up with him on a trip, we have spoken quite a bit and he just kept right on lying so I'm no longer confused.

As Judge Judy says, if you tell the truth you don't need a good memory.

@PinkNeonSign the texting is sooo boring!

Yeah @Ceci693 and @NervesOfCotton, @Nosdacariad guess we’re all just figuring it out. It’s just hard to keep the conversation going. I’m talking to one who seems like a nice bloke, but I think he just needs a friend really, which there are worse things but I’m
running out of things to say. Another is sulking cause I stopped him before he sent a dodgy photo. I’ve matched with one that I have to say, if it him, looks amazingly handsome, he’s messaged so we’ll see what his craic’s like! X

Ladies, this thread is amost full, so I've taken the liberty to create another one here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5431233-dating-thread-53-2025-cuffing-season

@PinkNeonSign @Nosdacariad @NervesOfCotton @Ceci693 @BoxOfCats @Kat888 @librauk @Daisydoggs @TwistedWonder