Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@libraukoh ffs I’m sorry that happened as it seemed to be going so well. What a creep. Lucky escape. Sigh. It’s hard work this dating thing isn’t it. I’ve messaged loads of guys this week but nothing has materialized/ am holding out hope for Mr softy. I really like him but I’m a bit impatient. He has mentioned a coffee but he is really busy with his job this week so I’m trying to be patient. It’s killing me though! If we just had a plan for sat or sun I would relax. Is it too forward to say when are we going to do this coffee . He will prob text me tonight. He usually does. I’m trying to give him space and not annoy him as I know he’s busy .

@librauk the entitled arrogance of him! So sorry.

Mr Optician stopped messaging so date cancelled for Sat.

May be unwisely seeing MrX at the weekend.

Mr Statistician said he was busy when I'm in his neck of the woods on Sunday 🙂

Oh wow! That’s so depressing!
Gives their true nature away early though!
I’m sorry x

librauk They are so gross aren't they. Sorry, but at least it's happened now.

Ceci693 I would just ask him if you can get something arranged, at this point.

@NervesOfCottonhe did text once tonight. But I was out anyway. I might ask him tomorrow though I know he’s going up to London. I don’t want to annoy him or seem too eager. Maybe I should give him space to ask me. I might be jumping the gun . Oh I don’t know. I want to make plans for the weekend though at the same time so I’d like to know are we meeting

I guess I’ve kinda shown that I’m interested so maybe I should back off. Hard isn’t it. I’m not sure if it’s just cos he’s so busy. He did say he had been very busy and after this week he is more free so maybe I just need to be patient and let him ask me

So Mr softy text this morn. Feel like he’s more of a morning person . Dunno why I keep getting panicked he’s gonna ghost me as he always does get back to me in the end - my insecurity I think. Says he wants to call tonight so will see . Matched with a guy last night who has 8 dogs🙈bit of a turn off I think 🤣plus no questions - I was just about to leave the convo when he said “so tell me about yourself” but I was too tired at that stage so haven’t replied. How you all doing

Ceci693 I don't like the general 'Tell me about yourself' question. Too many times I've written a good paragraph about myself, likes & dislikes etc & then the man comes back with 'Yeah same for me' or 'I'm pretty similar' & then I just feel a bit silly for writing all of that

I would be interested in the 8 dogs though! I'd assume that he likes animals (well I'd hope!) & walks.

Mr softy just phoned me at work - yay! Unfortunately there’s terrible reception here so we kept getting cut off but he said he will ring later and I think he will. Am so happy. Yeh Mr 8 dogs - not much effort from his side- we talked for ages about his dogs - I asked lots of (intelligent…!!) questions which he answered but yeh just make an effort to ask something back. Maybe he’s just nervous maybe I’ll try again later. But no am not answering the tell me about yourself one - am getting a lot more strict as I go on with this dating stuff 🤪

Hmmm… I converse in a really different way with potential dates, but assuming in the minority, as asking about their hobbies and interests and general background is probably more normal.

Here’s how it might go…

Him: “It was nice meeting you at x event today, what’s the next one you’re going to?”
Her: “Probably the Edinburgh one, have you been?”
Him: “I went last year, it was truly magnificent, really enjoyed presentation by y, have you heard of her? If you’re going, I really recommend z for food, have a look at these pictures, the cocktails alone are worth it!”
Her: “I actually haven’t, tell me more about her work?”
Him: [Paragraph of talking about said author] So is there anyone who has particularly impressed you recently?
Her: [Paragraph]
Him: [Paragraph]
Them: [Paragraph upon paragraph]

I dated someone for a while and didn’t even know what music he liked as we spoke about a few common interest topics and also our day to day events and feels most of the time. Politics is a big immediate go-to topic for me with many guys.

Someone else recently told me ‘it’s funny, I feel so connected to you but don’t even know basic facts about you, isn’t that what people normally talk about? It hasn’t even occurred to me to ask’

Another question that doesn’t tend to come up for me is ‘what are you looking for? How’s your dating life going?’ Might say something if the guy asks but I don’t steer that way.

Is that really unusual or does anyone else communicate in that way?

@Ceci693 I assume Mr 8Dogs works in a dog related profession/ runs a dog business?

Do you have a bit of playfulness/ cheek in you? If it was me, I’d probably tease Mr Softy about not having asked me yet. Depends on your overall tone and personality, but my line might be something like ‘what am I doing with my weekend? Oh just looking longingly out of my window hoping a nice man will take me out, of course. Well, that and a day trip to Gloucester on Sunday’ or ‘hmmm, difficult question to answer, would be easier to show you in person’ or ‘so is this just talk or…?’

Totally depends on the audience though! If you aren’t teasing each other like that, the person on the other end might be offended or get the wrong idea!

@NervesOfCotton maybe you can take Mr 8Dogs number from her? 😇🤣 Though sounds like he’s another strong silent type 🙈

ElleintheWoods Haha, I don't think the dogs are enough to redeem him!

That's how I try to steer the OLD ones, so I'll say 'Well I like reading, are you interested in reading at all?' then if they just answer with 'Yeah' or 'Not really' & don't try to carry on the conversation then I usually give up as I have no patience with it now

The most recent one lived nearby so I tried to talk about local events but he was so negative

Me 'I went 'here' the other day, have you been?'
Him 'Yeah but it's really rundown'
Me 'Oh I thought it was alright! Just a fun day out really, did you do 'this' part?
Him 'Nah it just looks crap now'
Me 'Ok well I'm going to 'this' next month, are you interested in that sort of thing?
Him 'Nah'.

(These were things that he 'should' have been into, going by his 'likes' on his profile)

@NervesOfCottonlol yes we do have a playful banter going on. On Monday he texted and said he would phone - when an hour went by and he hadn’t I txt him “have you disappeared again” and then he phoned me but he didn’t see that until afterwards and I think he was a bit surprised as he’s been a lot more attentive this week. So yeh I mite text something tmw about the coffee date. We need to meet in person at this stage - just in case there’s no vibe - I think there will be - but you never know 100-%

@ElleintheWoodsi like your style! I have had a couple of convos about politics or podcasts like this but they fizzled out . But yeh I’m not bothering with the ones who make zero effort or who don’t get my jokes 🤣

Ceci693 Yes, you just need to meet really even if it's a quick meet & have a 'proper' date another time, when you are able to make it work.

@Nosdacariad That’s frustrating about Mr Optician! But I guess better to know now that he wasn’t that keen, before you invested time in an actual date.

@Ceci693 I agree it sounds sensible to meet in person ASAP, even if it’s ist a quick casual coffee. Urgh I remember when I first started OLD, I wasted so much time messaging people for ages only for it to turn out there was nothing there in real life. However, you never know, and it sounds like you and Mr Softy have a nice vibe going at least!

I adore dogs but 8?!

@NervesOfCotton maybe he hadn't read his profile!

@BoxOfCats Mr Optician doesn't drive and is in a house share at 49 so I'm not crying 😁

So update on MrHandyMan so he messaged me again and while I knew it was a bad idea to text back I still did and I think my gut was really right.

So he asked me a question and me being too nice replied and then we had a bit of back and forth and then he asks about meeting this weekend. I replied that I actually have plans already which is true. He then replied "There's only so many times a guy can take being rejected' and these emojis 😂😂😂

Firstly I didn't like the fact he thinks I should be free for him and assumed such. It's slightly passive aggressive I thought or am I overthinking.. Tbh Its not like we've been talking day in day out we haven't.. Its just a strange thing to say to someone u've never met. This is the same guy who wanted a date before and I decided not to due to him just deciding what we were going to do and never even consulted me if it was ok. It just makes me wonder again about the mother of his kids moving away.. I didn't reply to him I just had enough. There's just something about him.

@Kat888 it is quite entitled to assume you will be free.

Exactly what I thought too. There's something controlling about him. He wants everything his way but no way. I already had doubts about him but that's definitely the end now. I think I've dodged a bullet.

So Mr softy hasn’t phoned. I caved just now and texted him “did you say you were gonna call me tonight”. No reply. I dunno if I can do this. It’s too hot and cold for me. I really really like him. Maybe he likes the single life too much. He seemed so keen this week though. I feel like he’s gone out tonight. Which is fine. But just a little txt to say he’s caught up but will ring tmw? Or is that too pressuring. When you think of it we haven’t even met in person yet so I probably have no leg to stand on to demand anything at this stage .

Wanna cry. Dunno if I can do this dating thing. I’m too gullible .

@NervesOfCotton Oh my god! This guy sounds so dire and down in the dumps!

Then again Mr Artistic is really starting to bore me now. He loves talking about his schedule, work, gym and a hobby he does. He could easily expand on the hobby more as it's relevant to me, e.g. 'today we did this technique', but his convos just scratch the surface. Like 'at 7pm I had dinner, at 8pm I watched tv, what did you do?'

@Ceci693 That sounds like a fun, and nice open line of communication too. Agree that an in person meet is the logical next step. Just try not to get invested and don't plan you schedule around him. 'Sure, try me later, I'll call you back if I'm busy,' might be a better approach to the calls.

My attitude is 'I've got nothing to lose, they may as well get my real self'. I'm quite geeky and eccentric, so if they can't keep up with that, it's just never going to work.

@Kat888 Well, you rejected him for a reason... I also don't get these guys that assume women sit around all evenings and weekends doing nothing and are just available. I know some men live like that but they seem to genuinely think we are making it up when we say we have plans. Just drop him for good, thank you, next 😉Anyone else on the radar?

I say this while planning a date with Mr RedFlagParade 🚩He can't believe I am busy most of the time and actually require advanced plans, not 'what are you up to babe?' a few hours before 😂I guess at this stage I want to be at least kissed and cuddled so badly I am willing to tolerate 'hot but intolerable' for a few weeks. He is brainy underneath it all, if he was actually dire, we wouldn't be talking, but I do like his cheeky texts and word play. You take what you can get I suppose!! And I know I was supposed to drop him 10 posts ago 😇Hormones do powerful things to otherwise sensible women...

@Nosdacariad Haha sounds like it’s no loss then!

@Ceci693 It’s so so hard but you just have to detach and not get invested too soon. I got messed around for ages a few months back by a guy I’ll call Mr Charismatic. He was super keen at first, but he got increasingly sporadic with messaging / making plans and eventually I realised I was basically just getting the slow fade. I wrote it off with all kinds of excuses that he was busy/stressed but in the end if he wanted to make time to message or meet then he would. It’s hard to think of it but honestly you’re better off to just focus your efforts on meeting someone who is more engaged and interested. And if Mr Softy decides to properly come to the party at some point, you can decide if he’s still worthy of your time and attention.

@ElleintheWoods I don’t blame you one bit. If the attraction is there, if it were me I’d just want to get it, er, out of my system as quickly as possible! 😬

@BoxOfCats how many actual dates did you go to? Sounds like what happened to me! How did he explain the more sporadic behaviours?