Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Agree, DatingScared8 It's not real until it's real.

@Ceci693 @Nosdacariad I'm not sure, could be an age thing? The guys I find asking most questions are around 50 and leading busy lives but a bit lonely.

The younger guys (under 40) tend to babble on about themselves and their day a bit more and ask about me when they realise they probably should.

I find the questions a little bit... I'm not sure how to explain it. Loaded with sexual curiosity? It's almost like they are there building an image in their head of what I am wearing and doing while talking to them, or what I was doing in the day and how I looked? E.g. I may I say I went to the theatre and they'll ask what I wore, was my hair up or down, if I had any food/ drinks etc... The questions tend to be quite visually driven, and they may drop a line like 'I can imagine you sitting there in your black dress having a glass of champagne' or 'wish I could work from your office for a day to see you looking like that'.

Whereas the guy I'd like to date would ask me what I thought of the play, or what did I get up to in the office and what challenges I had, and chat about this in detail.

Mr RedFlagParade does ask questions to be fair... His main question is 'when are you free, babe?' 😂

Which brings us to Mr StTropez, who asks the most perfect questions. They're so considered, open, and attentive. Such as, he might tell me about a childhood memory, and finish on 'and what about you, do you have any soundtracks or even dishes from your childhood that make you feel instantly calm and at ease?'

Maybe I need to ask him for a casual lunch or something. I'm not sure he would ask me tbh. I'd not pitch it as a date as the age difference is huge, but might be a good thing to meet him. He could also be gay...

@ElleintheWoodshmm I’ve not had any questions like that at all. Mostly the convos are very boring tbh. That’s why I was so attracted to Mr softy: he sees actually interested in getting to know me and asks interesting questions - definitely an attraction based on witty conversations. Like more mental attraction if that makes sense

@ElleintheWoods I find the same as @Ceci693 in the late forties to late 50s bracket.

@ElleintheWoods while I think you should have the profile photos you damn well please and there is no excuse for men being sleazy, are they giving a message that's unintended? Or you are just gorgeous and you can't help that!

I have had a couple mention lingerie which got instantly blocked.

ElleintheWoods I get questions like that sometimes, it stems from me wearing dresses in my profile photos I think, as I often get asked 'Do you always wear dresses?' & then they seem to get a thrill from that 'Imagining you sitting there in your tights & sexy little dress, what have you done with your hair today?'

Seems some men can't fathom in their head that not all dresses are mini skirts, skin tight & showing your boobs.

Hi @oldernotwiserffs
They are telling you everything about themselves from their behaviour... Why are you entertaining a playboy who negs? It is not a joke, just dressed up like a joke (I have an image of the grandma wold in Little Red Ridinghood as I am reading this.

Do you remember "Hot in Here" by singer Nelly "just joking unless.you gonna do it"? This person is using humour to mske you laugh and question yourself and cover their indiscretions.

On a sidenote, why don't they work?

Leave their messages unread and dont respond if you want to avoid a world of pain. You might not be the only person he uses to fluff his ego if he has so much time on his hands and looking to boost his ego.

I just read that he is a "kick it into the long grass" kind of guy on arranging an actual date. Plus the future faking tactic. It is all gameplay. Refuse to play.

Edited to add last para

I don’t have any profile photos, I don’t OLD. These are people that I know IRL, some are brand new, some go back quite a few years. My profile picture on WhatsApp is just my face and I don’t post full length photos anywhere online.

@NervesOfCotton Yes it’s that kind of vibe. It’s not necessarily disrespectful in language, but there’s just a big interest in outfits/ the visual. In my case it may partly stem from the fact that I’m very interested in fashion, so the guys may think we’re talking about something that I like to talk about - which isn’t entirely wrong. But they can’t be all that interested in sunglasses and shoes, surely? With one guy we ended up talking about my coat for 15 mins yesterday and he had a lot of questions 🤣

With MrArtistic that’s the entire conversation, he keeps sending me pictures of his suits!

There’s other conversation as well of course, or I wouldn’t bother.

Golly! Do you just move in very fashionable circles?

ElleintheWoods Aah I get what you mean. Yes it's possibly fashion related in your case (not, generally, in mine, as the messages definitely DO get smutty, & then I block them)

The coat conversation is intriguing to me!
I imagine you as one of those people who are just 'warm' & people like talking to you

What's going on with Mr Red Flags?

@LemonLass Because I’ve not seen anybody act like that for near 20 years and it really makes me laugh, the texts and waking up to middle of the night calls are highly entertaining.

Mostly though I went out with him because we had insane physical chemistry, and also he’s the best-looking man within a 20-mile radius, and there was no risk involved in doing so. Just fancied a laugh and one for the plot.

Not sure if you read the follow-up post but the date was a disaster. He had no plan, none whatsoever, and actually turned up in a tracksuit 🙈 However, the conversation was actually very very interesting, he’s a smart guy but feels like he needs to rely on looks and banter to get on in life. A bit sad.

I just like psychology and getting to know different kinds of people. So I don’t find spending time with someone who’s a little bit broken a waste of time, unless they are rude and unsafe. It’s hard for me to develop feelings for someone tbh.

Thank you for your concern, and I wouldn’t recommend Mr RedFlagParade to the next user 😇

I wouldn’t say so! But men often think of women in terms of what they’re wearing, how they move etc, visually they paint a picture in their head about how/where she’s standing, how she turns around, how she smells etc.

Therefore I don’t think those comments/ questions are fully innocent

I'm sure you're right 🙂

Mine definitely get a bit smutty too, sometimes. Just very borderline like ‘I’m just imagining you sitting there in your little dress looking all elegant, red stiletto heels’.

To be honest I do know men like talking to me and find it somewhat comforting. I’ve mentioned on this thread before that I’m kind of an ad hoc counsellor for men 🙈 For example I line manage several men who regularly talk to me about very personal struggles over an hour or so, and they’ve told other people they find this helpful and have done me little gifts and cards to say thanks. So maybe I just have a little more patience for men and their minds than most, but that can also result in them getting a little too attached.

Mr RedFlagParade? 🚩 He’s messaging at the most random times and he’s very chaotic.

The truth is, I really really want some nice passionate sex, and physically I’m attracted to him. However my gut tells me that somehow this would be a mistake. He’s exhibiting some behaviours where I feel that if I let this go any further, he could actually be sitting in a car outside my house or calling 10 times a day.

Something feels off so I probably need to drop him (for the 2nd time!)

However, that still leaves me with the sex dilemma. I can’t just live in celibacy happily ever after, it’s been far too long.

How’s your dating curiosity going? 😊

Hi @ElleintheWoods
i had missed the post about the date. Tracksuit grim but sounds an interesting date at least!

@ElleintheWoods oh I hear you on the sex thing. Its so tough. Unfortunately I have a few as I'm sure we all do who hint at the idea but I just don't fancy them enough to even bother. They're just unsuitable and while I'm not looking for a hook up one cute guy would be nice.

Been chatting to this guy all week , will call him Mr FM,
he wants a date on Sunday, but has asked me to choose , Ugh,
this is where I get stumped 🤔
edited to add
i suggest a walk with my dog, as he likes em,
he came back, yes, fine, …..he would not have to shave or glam up 🤣
which suits me too, as I’m happy in jeans n boots lol .

@librauk Sounds exciting!! Nice opportunity to get to know one another without unnecessary pressure.

@Kat888 I’m glad someone can relate! Yes likewise, there’s a few and they’re nice enough guys, but I’m not attracted to them in that way. Also, they’re friends, so could get complicated. Mr RedFlagParade - when I was out with him and he was 2 hours into talking to me about complex topics that he clearly knew lots about in his mellow voice, my thought was ‘just kiss me’. Spoiler, he didn’t 🤣 First time in a very long time - years - when I actively wanted a guy to get physical with me.

I think as long as he doesn’t know who I am/ where I live, it could be safe? But somehow my gut says otherwise.

I don’t really do one-night stands or go to guys’ houses unless I know them a while, as I’m concerned about mutual respect, STDs/ avoidance strategies, and weirdly also I’m worried about being secretly recorded - which I know is niche, but I’ve seen it happen and I just don’t like to get involved with guys unless there’s genuine trust.

@LemonLass He’s a semi-pro athlete so he possibly thought the tracksuit would give him points. Nope, still grim and shows lack of effort/ planning 🙃 (Also explains why he doesn’t work, he’s busy about 4 evenings a week!)

librauk Walks are my favourite types of first date!

ElleintheWoods I'm still just following along on here, I 'like' the odd photo on Hinge but that's it.

I agree that Mr Red Flag could turn out to be that kind of guy, he seems to have it in him from what you've said.

I don't know when you find what you are looking for, I think it's a common dilemma!

Omg @ElleintheWoods are you me lol I'm the exact same. I find it hard to do it with someone unless I trust them, am massively attracted to them and feel safe. I just can't do it otherwise.

I wonder with MrRedFlag parade could you meet him somewhere neutral? It's rare for me as well to feel that instant attraction but if you're gut says no that's understandable. Sometimes what we crave just isn't safe unfortunately 😔

@NervesOfCotton@ElleintheWoods
thank you, yes, it does take the pressure off, I find too.
so it all arranged, apart from the time, we are going to meet at a country park, halfway, for us both .

Oh I’m glad we’re the same! Sometimes I feel like the odd one out, as other people seem able to just have sex as soon as they meet someone. I’ve tried a couple of times and even though the person has been attractive and pleasant, it has left me completely unsatisfied physically and mentally. You know when you first sleep with someone and wake up the next morning thinking ‘mmm I can’t believe this happened, it was really nice, I feel a bit warm and fuzzy and cared for’? That feeling has been completely absent and that’s the feeling I’m really looking for.

Thanks for the tip, yes it would definitely be a hotel situation if it happened.

@NervesOfCotton he’s just erratic, missed calls in the middle of the night and an intense undercurrent. He doesn’t strike me as stable and rational and that doesn’t sit well with me. Also strikes me as selfish.

Why do they do this ?
after nice friendly conversation all week, then arranging, this weekend.
Mr FM, sends me this message
Hi, My name.. Do you have natural Big B*s ? Wtf? 🤬
I have not replied yet, but he has just messages again .

No you are not odd I'm exactly like that, I can't physically or mentally do it. I often wonder how people can. I think it's a deeper connection we need and that's so hard to find. I've never had a one night stand and I don't think I ever will and that's ok it's just not me.

As for MrRedFlagParade I wonder would he get obsessed with you as you say he seems intense and no sex is worth that in my book.

Absolutely disgusting what a creep 🤢 they always show their true colours. It's clear what his intentions are.

That’s an instant unmatch delete never contact again for me.

Honestly these men have the conversation of Jay from the Inbetweeners