Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Nosdacariad Just checking, you don't want to get back together? As I was first going to ask why do you have to live together if you got back together?

I don't know how you'd let him down gently really. Tell him you are going to remain single for all eternity?!
You could tell him you've met somebody else but that's not 'gentle' really!

Oh & those men, over the weekend, I think it was both, some weren't single & some just assumed that if you rocked up on a Thursday then a date (or sex) was a given by the weekend.

@NervesOfCotton I might get back together if he showed real sustained change but I think it unlikely at his age and no sign of it so far. The reason for living together is he lives 3h away on a good day and long distance nearly broke me last time.

Nosdacariad Oh I see. I suppose you've thought about him moving nearby but not actually 'with' you, but yeah that's just the home stuff & not him as a person, is it.

If you mention the counselling will he just say that he will do it, & then doesn't?
How old are you both?

He suggested he did it (counselling) multiple times and has not.

I suppose him moving nearby might be a thing. I thought I wanted a partner to live with but having read some stuff recently I'm wondering what's in it for a woman 🙃

We're 50s.

Am chatting to a few guys this evening - mainly to keep my mind off Mr Softy. What is it with these guys though- they don’t ask you anything. Have just asked this guy loads of things and he’s just replied . Like zero effort. From now on if they haven’t asked me anything after a few questions I’m going to give up on them. Straight away!!! I try and bring a bit of fun but so many are so serious - or should I say boring?

Ps I’m not sure I ever want to live with a guy again. I’d loce a partner but would prefer him to go home 😂

Yes the question is a rare beast!

Ceci693 I have no patience with the boring ones anymore. They say 'Oh it's hard to think of what to say in messages' & I get it, but we have to at least try to think of something, don't we!

When are you supposed to hear from Mr Softy again?

nosdacariad Sounds like he's just telling you what you want to hear then. I don't envy your situation. It's hard when you still have feelings.

I've probably spent too long on here, reading about all these people who have relationships but don't live together has made me crave that kind of relationship! I might let him live next door, if he's good

Hmm one just came back to me after half hour / he has a question - “feet up?” 😆😆😆😆😆honestly

@Nosdacariad @Ceci693 Hmmm I’m finding almost the opposite with some of my guys - but let’s bare in mind these are people I know IRL.

They mostly start conversations with ‘what are you doing tonight?’ or ‘any plans to travel to x country soon?’ which is quite mundane anyway. And then grab hold of what I might reply and ask more and more, or make a comment related to me, like ‘I saw you went to Italy, what did you do?’ A really high interest in fashion, eg ‘what did you wear Saturday?’ Generally lots of commentary on my clothing or hairstyles.

They don’t tend to give too much away about their day to day, other than the odd pic. You really have to press them to find things out. The conversation is very much about me, it almost feels as though they’re living vicariously - even though they have plenty going on in their lives, but it’s usually work or business travel.

For me a guy properly opening up is a sure fire way for me to feel more attached/ interested in them, and they’re not doing that on text

@ElleintheWoods interesting, I wonder if it's an age thing.

Ceci693 I was chatting to one all morning once & he abruptly stopped. He didn't respond to my last message so I just left it. Later that evening he messaged saying 'Still single?' so I replied 'Since this morning? Yeah' he replied 'Lol' & I never heard from him again

@NervesOfCottonthats funny!

@ElleintheWoodshavent had any guys ask me questions like that!

so he phoned - and he wants to go for coffee - he’s just been v busy at work and last night he had a bath and fell asleep . I think his job is pretty full on . I feel a lot better that he’s not gonna ghost me now

Ceci693 He seems to fall asleep a lot! Have you arranged the coffee date?

No not yet - he has a busy week he was telling me about it today - the ceo is visiting and he has to wine and dine the team etc then he has to go away on Thurs and he said he had work to do tonight and he said when this big thing is over we will fix a date to meet . We will meet halfway I’d say . And he said he will phone tmw . I actually believe him. Will wait and see anyway. He was more open tonight

Ceci693 That's good. I'm glad that it's going well.

Yeh - well twice now 🤣 I dunno - I mean we only “met” a week ago so I guess it’s random when you pop up in someone’s life - it’s quiet enough for me atm it he seems v busy

I’m actually so scared now that it’s getting more real

Ceci693 I'm only joking.
A few times I'd be text men late into the night laying in bed & fall asleep with my phone still in my hand

Yes, you'll have to try to keep those nerves in check now (easy to say!)

I just had my daily look on Hinge & this man, sometimes I get quite a strong feeling like somethings off about them, it's hard to explain. I felt sure that I 'knew' him already but it wasn't a good feeling & I couldn't quite place him in my mind. I checked his location & he's from 'here' so that's properly freaked me out now.

Does anybody else get those feelings?!

Yes and I think they are very important to take seriously 🙂

No I can’t say I have had that feeling yet but am only a newbie so….

Have realized Mr softy is only 5’7. I’m only 5’3 but that’s quite short isn’t it. My daughter is taller 🙈He’s very attentive today - messaged me at 7 am!!! Maybe he picked up I was irritated by his flakiness .

Ceci693 The height wouldn't bother me, I've dated loads of men around my height. He's making an effort today, that's good

Absolutely, Nosdacariad.

I am so glad I am not alone in the 'no questions' thing - it drives me bananas, how hard is it to show even a surface level interest and look at your profile! I unmatched two guys last week as they didn't ask one question....

@Ceci693 I have been on and off here a bit, mostly lurking last few months, but I just want to give you one piece of advice, meet Mr Softy soon if you are going to. In March this year I spent around 5 weeks talking to someone (he is a farmer, so in his defence was mid lambing), I was getting a wee bit of the feels - phone calls and daily messages - I had a really good feeling about him, he was great on the phone - I met him and there was zero spark in real life - more than that, his social skills were really really poor. He couldn't even hold eye contact. The date was a disaster! It was a hard lesson but a good one. Meet quickly. The messaging can lend itself to a false sense of intimacy that isn't backed up in reality. I now always try to keep in mind the rules of the thread:

• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.

Good luck, keeping everything crossed that he turns out to be a good one!

@DatingScared8thanks for the advice . I know what you mean that happened to me but not with a guy, with a woman I was talking to just to be friends when the kids were small. We had great chats on text but when we eventually met she was very different IRL. I think maybe this weekend - hoping anyway. Agreed though- I need to meet him soon.

I can’t really concentrate on anyone else atm but am gonna try and message a few of them every day. Just to have options! There’s one guy I’m chatting to who seems great and very interesting to talk to but he has 3 children. The youngest is only 6 so I feel he’s still very much “in the trenches”. I’m. It sure how much time he would have as he has full custody. Also he appears loaded - always a bonus!!! So will keep chatting to him for the moment anyway

@DatingScared8Such good advice!