Dating thread 52 - 2025. Springing into Spring

[oldernotwiserffs]

The Rules:
• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.
Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Oh gosh, I really have to drop Mr RedFlagParade 🚩, don't I? I'm just wanting him to be something he's not.

He wants to go on a date over the weekend. He suggested meeting in a dive bar where everyone is about 21 after his game. I can bet my house he'll be in an actual tracksuit again and think that's hot.

I'm tempted to text something like: "Sweetie, we're both close to 40, they'll probably assume we're someone's parents. Have you ever actually taken woman your own age, who expects effort beyond the bare minimum before she comes over to your house, on a real date?" 😂Is that too mean?

Thread regulars will know that I mostly tolerate him for one thing and one thing only, but considering the vibe... My idea of a romantic night in might be fine wine, candlelight and rugs in front of fireplaces, and he probably still lives like an 18-year-old with socks and pants all over his house and unwashed dishes in the sink, and thinking that's fine because he's very attractive.

We may just be too different. The song "Manchild" playing on repeat in my head.

Aah ElleintheWoods, Maybe he wants to take you somewhere he knows that you won't like, so that you just have to go back to his instead, to escape the awful bar?!

I don't think it would be wrong to suggest him upping his game a bit, you Can say it in a mean way, or a nice way, can't you!

@ElleintheWoods You should totally text him that! And he does sound exactly like a manchild the more you post about him. It does sound like there isn’t really any potential there, but he sure is entertaining!

Yes, you are probably right that I knew in my gut that the chemistry wasn’t there so I felt uncomfortable about Mr Eager giving me flowers. I do think though that I prefer less “formal” gestures of romance, like you it’s those small acts of consideration and kindness that I think count for the most. Although I joked to Mr Nomad yesterday that it appears that his idea of romance is relentless bullying, as he teases me mercilessly! Fortunately I give as good as I get…

Mr Frenchman just got blocked - next weekend we will meet and make love any way you like 😅

Oh can I have his number? I need some plans for next weekend and that’s the kind of plan I’d be down for under present circumstances 🤣

Joking obviously.

But do we feel like some men get away with that? I think that say, one woman out of 10 may respond to that kind of message with curiosity if the guy is attractive. For example, look at me tolerating nonsense from RedFlagParade 🚩 - he has certainly said a couple of similar things. And I get the feeling from him that comparatively I’m really hard work

@NervesOfCotton @BoxOfCats at this point I might as well assume a big sister role and help him sort his life and love life out 🤣

There’s no real dating potential there for sure. But I feel he’s aiming too low in life, he’s got a brain on him and he looks very presentable, but he isn’t making anything out of it, just happy picking up easy money for playing football - at 35? And happy picking up easy women that are at his beck and call, not understanding someone really worth having requires effort. Maybe I can fix him with a couple of texts 🤣 Or maybe I still need to meet him for a drink and fix him then 🤣 I do genuinely feel a bit bad, the guy is really lost and using quick fixes to feel better about himself.

Ok, it’s my turn to respond to Mr StTropez’s beautiful, eloquent email. I’m just going to ask him for lunch. Nothing to lose, just a friendly lunch to meet him properly.

Mr Nomad, I still retain that he’s perfect. If he’s teasing you, he knows you well enough to do so. Any opportunity for you guys to meet again sometime soon?

Whaaaat! How do men even think this is what women want to hear?! 🤮

@BoxOfCatswhy do they do this🙈

I caved and texted Mr softy last night but only got very short message back that it had been a long shitty week. I said I was around today for a chat or coffee . I’m obsessed. It’s just that I think the kind of chemistry we have is very unusual . MrBigDog is very keen. He’s very excited to meet me he said. Wish there was chemistry with him . I guess I’ll meet him once just to see. Wish it was the other way around 🙈

@ElleintheWoods I think it depends why a person is OLD. I think it's probably better if he sounds that out before offering 😁

@BoxOfCats chacun a son gout I guess!!

@ElleintheWoodsA beautiful, eloquent email sounds rather seductive and exciting! Do let us know how he responds 😁

Mr RedFlagParade really does sound like he’s just coasting through life with no purpose…

Mr Nomad is basically working on call around the clock for the next few weeks, difficult to say how long or what days exactly as it’s very much weather dependent. He did just video call me (Sat night here) though and we spent a good hour chatting. He says he’ll come up and see me at the very next window of opportunity, whenever that is. He was shirtless when he called me, and I don’t think the man actually realises how gorgeous he is ☺️ I was very distracted!

He also suggested that once his busy work period is over perhaps we could go away to <beautiful beach place a couple of hours drive from us> for a weekend instead of meeting in my home city. Don’t know if it’s too soon to be planning such things when we are 3 weeks in and not officially an item, but it’s nice to know he’s thinking ahead!

I can see why it’s hard to step away when it feels like there’s chemistry and potential. Sounds like a distraction might be just what you need! When are you meeting MrBigDog, and what do you have planned?

Why do they do that? Honestly it’s the straight to sex talk that made me give up on men 😂

They’re basically telling you they want instant sex - instant unmatch for me

Have you met this man? It’s very easy to imagine chemistry when you get overly invested. We’ve all done it
I met a guy a couple of years ago on OLD and we chatted every night for a week for 2/3 hours - I drive to the date absolutely buzzing and then the second he walked in my heart sank. There was zero chemistry in RL and I wanted to get out of there asap

I do think you need to step back, stop chasing him and see if he reaches out to you. Don’t contact him again unless he contacts you. Imo it all seems very low effort from him - is that what you really want from a partner?

ElleintheWoods Haha, I was going to say you can take Mr Frenchman!

Ceci693 Have you arranged a meet with Mr Big Dog?

@TwistedWonderyeh you’re right thanks for the reality check

haven’t arranged a date with MrBigDog yet - he has 3 kids and I’m not sure if they see their mum. We did talk about where though. I will prob mention meeting up He seems to want to . The kids are teens though so hopefully they can look after themselves for a few hours . He is nice I just didn’t get any vibe when he phoned . Maybe we could phone again over the weekend

I guess at least it's honest!

@BoxOfCats Mr Nomad sounds delicious and potentially a tad love-bomb- y!

Right.. panicking now!!

I met a bloke on OLD. I had no expectations but, met him on Friday night for a drink. He is such a lovely bloke and I really like him. The feeling seems to be mutual.

He suggested that we meet up again today for a walk. We met this afternoon and had a lovely time and got on really well. I am absolutely smitten with this bloke so, not thinking straight…

He has asked to see me tomorrow. I suggested that he come over to mine for a late lunch. He said that he will bring wine and suggested that he could get the train home. I said that he could stay… in the spare room. He said that was fine. We have hugged but, have not kissed as yet but, there is real chemistry (from my end anyway)

Am I being stupid? Am I overthinking? We are both in our 50’s… if we have sex on the 3rd date, is it the end of the world? Have I been an idiot inviting him to my home so soon? I dropped him off at his house yesterday so, know where he lives..

As I fancy the pants off him, I am not thinking straight… a bit of sound advice please… 🙏🏻

@Daisydoggs
Go for it
you only live once .

Part of the reason it came up is that we were discussing my lodger - lodger has been away travelling for a month so I was wondering how we might be able to get some privacy once he is back! For various reasons it’s not practical for me to visit Mr Nomad in his current location.

I can see how it might sound a bit love-bomby without that context though! It wasn’t a firm suggestion, more of a “we could go away to X place…?”. I just thought it was nice he was thinking ahead a bit, but I agree it feels a bit soon to be actually planning too far ahead.

Go for it but bear in mind you don't know him yet (also 50s if relevant).

@Daisydoggs You only live once. It’s in your hands anyway - if he’s a gentleman, he will actually sleep in the spare room, unless you give him clear signals/ the green light. So if you actually just want to have lunch and chat, that’s perfectly possible - but might also put you in the friend zone if you do.

Or that’s my experience anyway.

Then again I bet I could get even the most notorious sex addict to come over to my house and end up just talking and being best platonic friends 🤣 @NervesOfCotton @Nosdacariad I bet even Mr Frenchman would just end up on my therapy couch talking about his relationship with his father!

I’ve asked him. Made it sound like not a date as age gap is significant.

I think that’s very nice. People are used to ‘playing it cool’ etc so when someone actually shows intent and a bit of romance it can seem fast. The thing is, at this stage he doesn’t have anything to gain from this that you don’t also want, does he? The sex etc has already happened, he’s now acting like a man that’s met someone he likes being with, and is following up on that. I’d say that used to be normal.

To give you an example of my friend that I mentioned earlier that’s dating a guy that lives abroad. He came to the UK on a work trip but also to take her on a third date, travelling to her city. It was just supposed to be dinner and he had his own hotel room booked to travel back the next day etc. They ended up going back to hers and stayed the entire weekend.

The following week he was already back and stayed with her most of the week, with some work in between. They’ve been pretty inseparable since, it’s fast as she’s usually very careful, but 5 months after meeting they seem like a really healthy couple. It’s just rare to meet someone that doesn’t overthink or try find reasons why it wouldn’t work and is genuine + follows their heart.

How old are you both?

Do you think he will “get” that it’s a date, even if you haven’t made the request in that way? Does he seem romantically interested?

Yes, that’s my take on it too - so far it feels quite organic and like we both just enjoy each other’s company and are on the same page. I’m not feeling like one of us is more serious about things than the other just yet, which has previously been an issue with other people I’ve met OLD.

We are both 44, no kids. I’m divorced, longest relationship was 10 years, last serious relationship (of 18 months) ended at the start of this year. Mr Nomad has never been married, longest relationship 3 years, no serious relationships the last 5 years but he says he has seen a few people for shorter time periods since. Has changed careers and locations multiple times, hence “Mr Nomad” seems an apt name. I do wonder if he’ll ever settle down anywhere or with anyone, I’d say that’s my biggest concern with him.

@BoxOfCats he said yes 😇 And I don’t know if I want it to be a date, he is much older. I’d like to get a feel for him first, so think a soft meet is best. He does write beautiful emails though and lives a lifestyle that’s right up my street.

Seems like you’re fairly well aligned then. I’m guessing no plans to have kids, or are there?

I’m quite nomadic like Mr Nomad. If I felt really good about being around someone, I’d make my lifestyle work so that they fit into it.

Well @Nosdacariad I did send a message. General chitchat about shared interest then I just asked in what I thought was quite an informal way ‘where had he gone cause I missed his face’ he replied, with more general
chitchat. That went on for a while, then to be honest I started to feel a bit irritated with him, I’d also had quite a trying day so I just told him I was going to bed and wished him good night. I’ll just be leaving it now.

Not sure what his game is. He was my first online date so I think maybe I just don’t understand the rules! X