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Original poster

To see this guy again or not, early red flags?

209 replies

yslxx · 03/02/2025 13:27

I've been on 3 dates with a guy, I don't really go on dates but we were talking for a few weeks beforehand and he seemed ok so I thought why not. When we've been out he comes across as a real gentleman which is something I've never come across to be honest.

I've now been questioning our last date which was Saturday and I'm not sure if I'm just looking into things too much, we had a nice evening out just a drink and dinner. He offered to give me a lift home and I accepted, we had a kiss in his car outside and chatted for a bit, before I went inside he lightly tapped me across the face like a slap it wasn't at all hard but it was just random I thought. I looked at him as if to say wtf an he's just grinning. I don't know if I'm over thinking things or if this is him testing the waters with me and could potentially be abusive in the future.

That evening he also made a comment about make up, he touched my face with one of his fingers then looked at his finger as if to see some make up on there?? Which there wasn't any, he said he doesn't really like it I ask why and he said it's just not good for your skinConfused I do wear make up but not a great deal and I don't have bad skin so now I'm wondering if this is a red flag as well.

I know he's going to ask to meet up again and to be honest I did like him but now I'm unsure like I said it wasn't hard at all and that could be his way of being funny or messing around. Any advice would be appreciated thank you

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 13/02/2025 13:07

You’ve dodged such a bullet with this one. You trusted your gut and forced his hand in revealing his true colours. I really hope this experience empowers you to trust your instincts more in the future, and put up with zero shit from m3n. You deserve so much better.

2JFDIYOLO · 13/02/2025 13:18

You will look back on what will recede as a teeny blip in your life with huge relief and positivity.

You read his signals and listened to and acted on your instincts.

So many women are socialised to stay and keep their children in ghastly situations - and you beat that, with support.

This is where Mumsnet shines - an invisible army who've been there done that and will share their often brutally worded tough love.

In a brief moment he revealed a preview of his controlling and possibly violent nature, flipped out in a mad rant (imagine if you'd been in bed with him that night) and instantly leaped to 'you're seeing another man' paranoia.

You. Were. Right.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

I wonder if there's some kind of database like Tripadvisor where women can leave relationship reviews?

Happyhettie · 13/02/2025 20:47

You should really log this with the police. Just so it’s on their radar if there is more of an issue. Hopefully this will be it but he’s trying to get a rise out of you. Take care of yourself x

Nationsss · 13/02/2025 20:51

I think you should call 101 for advice.
He sounds dangerous.

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 14/02/2025 02:48

Nutty as a fruit cake, hopefully he leaves you in peace.
Whether it's one date or fifty dates nobody should be subjected to such intimidating behaviour.

Joystir59 · 14/02/2025 02:59

SereneCapybara · 03/02/2025 16:59

You just need to text him and say that you have realised that you don't want to take things any further or continue to meet and chat, and that you wish him the best.

Having done that you then block him. If you want to, explain to him that he overstepped the mark by touching and tapping your face in a way that was not affectionate or respectful, and checking on makeup, that you found these actions quite creepy. But you are under zero obligation to train this weirdo to disguise his power trips from the next poor sucker.

You are, however, under an obligation to yourself to trust your instincts, raise the bar and refuse to date controlling weirdos.

Show quote history

Do not comment on his behaviour! You will invite a shit storm in. Just say you don't want to take things further and then block him.

Dollychopsporkchops · 15/02/2025 12:17

Big well done to you op. A lot of women don’t recognise the signs or if they do they don’t pay attention and get into relationships with weirdos like this.

After ending it, that should’ve been the end but he did all of this:

  • The crazy amount of calls
  • telling you he had feelings for you after 3 dates
  • saying you had to be seeing someone else and that you’re a fraud
  • following you on social media

He most definitely is an emotional abuser if not more. He can’t accept no and he tried to love bomb you into taking him back. Always be aware that love bombers don’t actually feel that way for you, they always have a motive and that motive is to get something from you. whether that’s sex, money etc But love bombers will never treat you well, it’ll always be misery with them. And luckily you spotted the signs quickly, but boy did he tell on himself after you ended things

Hope no other woman has to cross his path

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 15/02/2025 21:49

As above,it's scary that all that took place after 3dates which would only amount to a few hours and obviously it shouldn't have happened at all.
Some scary fuckers out there.

Thatissimplyuntrue · 16/02/2025 04:13

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 15/02/2025 21:49

As above,it's scary that all that took place after 3dates which would only amount to a few hours and obviously it shouldn't have happened at all.
Some scary fuckers out there.

Isn’t it. Imagine him after 3 months or 3 years. Well done for trusting your instincts OP.

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