To see this guy again or not, early red flags?

[yslxx]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy, I don't really go on dates but we were talking for a few weeks beforehand and he seemed ok so I thought why not. When we've been out he comes across as a real gentleman which is something I've never come across to be honest.

I've now been questioning our last date which was Saturday and I'm not sure if I'm just looking into things too much, we had a nice evening out just a drink and dinner. He offered to give me a lift home and I accepted, we had a kiss in his car outside and chatted for a bit, before I went inside he lightly tapped me across the face like a slap it wasn't at all hard but it was just random I thought. I looked at him as if to say wtf an he's just grinning. I don't know if I'm over thinking things or if this is him testing the waters with me and could potentially be abusive in the future.

That evening he also made a comment about make up, he touched my face with one of his fingers then looked at his finger as if to see some make up on there?? Which there wasn't any, he said he doesn't really like it I ask why and he said it's just not good for your skin I do wear make up but not a great deal and I don't have bad skin so now I'm wondering if this is a red flag as well.

I know he's going to ask to meet up again and to be honest I did like him but now I'm unsure like I said it wasn't hard at all and that could be his way of being funny or messing around. Any advice would be appreciated thank you

Early red flags, definitely. Bin this one.

Block him now. If he was comfortable enough to show how controlling he is this early on, imagine what he’ll be like down the line - a nightmare.

Thank you all.

My last relationship was a shit show so the bar is probably low for me. He text me this morning saying he's busy today so I've not heard off him, he might text me later on so do you think I should just think of something to say to call the whole thing off? Any advice on what to write? Feel a bit awkward just blocking him, really kicking myself for letting him drop me off at home Saturday as well now!

It’s only been three dates and you’re questioning him. Listen to your gut, send a text to end it and don’t let men drop you home so early into dating.

Big red flags. Run.

I would be upfront with him that you don’t want to take it any further asap. If you hadn’t been dropped home I would have said nothing and blocked him but since he knows where you live I’d let him down gently. Do not be sucked into further conversations with him. Be to the point and then block him.

Ah that's so sad in this day and age you don't feel comfortable enough just to get rid! I was feeling this many years ago

Now I would just say bin him off, what do you have to lose really.

Your gut is right.

He slapped you. Do not give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes call it off and make an excuse if you need to. Be really firm about your decision as some men don’t like it when you try to end it and this guy would be one of them.

Agree with this. Just a text saying you’re not feeling it and you wish him well but it’s not for you.

Font enter into any further discussions and block him if he tries to engage you further.

And in future don’t get in to guys cars and let them know where you live until you’re more sure about them.

You just need to text him and say that you have realised that you don't want to take things any further or continue to meet and chat, and that you wish him the best.

Having done that you then block him. If you want to, explain to him that he overstepped the mark by touching and tapping your face in a way that was not affectionate or respectful, and checking on makeup, that you found these actions quite creepy. But you are under zero obligation to train this weirdo to disguise his power trips from the next poor sucker.

You are, however, under an obligation to yourself to trust your instincts, raise the bar and refuse to date controlling weirdos.

The makeup comment is a massive red flag.

Like OK mate, no one asked you what you want women to do or not do. Fuck right off.

Trust your gut, it's spot-on!

The slap (run) and the potentially controlling makeup comment aside, if you've had 3 dates and you are MN seeking reassurance about red flags, then yes he is showing red flags. He ain't it OP.

He knows where you live, so if you understandably don't feel comfortable just blocking him, and you don't want to get into a was it a slap or wasn't it negotiation, then just go bland. Some variation of "I've given it some thought and it's just not working for me/I'm not feeling it/the chemistry's not there" etc.

You just tell him that you don't see a future with him and wish him well. Then block him.

He’s a walking red flag, both actions are creepy.

As he knows where you live, I’d disconnect carefully. Probably “Thanks for the lift. I’ve got some medical issues that have flared up over the weekend. Big issues with IBS, which is miserable. I need to focus on that rather than dating right now. Wishing you all the best”.

It’s a lie, but he doesn’t deserve the truth anyway and I’d be concerned he’s the type to push/insist.

Agreed. I think this is your safest move. I wouldn't block yet either - would be unsettling not to know his reaction, since he knows where you live. But also don't engage more. If he questions, just keep saying, sorry, I'm so ill, really not a good time for me to be dating. He'll get bored with nothing to give him any ammunition.

Sorry this happened to you, OP.

Bin this walking red flag off and love your own self for a change.

seek therapy too particularly as your last relationship was also a shit show . Unlearn the crap you have learnt about relationships .

Your boundaries here, already skewed by previous abuse, have been further got at by this man now. Enrol yourself into the Freedom Programme.

The slap was him testing the water for a bdsm relationship. Which is absolutely not the way to do that so big red flag No.1.

The makeup comment makes him a controlling arse, so big red flag No. 2.

The fact you have to ask strangers if what you’re feeling is accurate suggests that you’re not in a healthy mental position to make good judgment calls in these situations and should be concentrating on improving that before going on any more dates with anyone. Big red flag No.3.

Don’t wait, just message and him and say it’s not working for you.

It's very difficult to assess the slap but my instinct says, RUN.

But the make up is a very easily spotted red flag. At this point in dating, he doesn't get to have or articulate any opinions about you that are anything but positive. That's how dating works. And if he DOES articulate things he doesn't like in a woman, it is 100% on you to walk away if those things are things you disagree with. So, a silly but simple example, if you consider yourself "old fashioned" and believe that on dates women should always wear dresses, men should pay etc, and then on a date where you're wearing a dress and he is paying he says, "I love thatyou're wearing a dress - I think it's lovely when women dress up for a date" that would 100% give me the ick and I would end things immediately most likely BUT, for you, might be 100% fine.

That's the point. Even if he's not a controlling ass, a man who thinks make up is awful and bad for my skin is not a man I'm going to date becaues I like make up and I wear it regularly and I don't want to eb with someone who has issues with the way I choose to present myself.

The 'tap' is fucking weird, but what was the context? I mean, if you were kissing and hugging and he already had his hands on your face then a kind of light double tap is a sort of goodbye? It sounds odd but if you know what I mean? bit like slapping someone's back to end a hug? I wouldn't like it but I can maybe sort if see why it might be something I'd do (awkwardly).

The make up thing is a fuck no. Controlling and creepy.

He’s overstepping boundaries, early on.
Touching your face with his finger - checking what boundaries he can push, you allowed that.

Commenting on make up - again testing waters and your reaction. Did you end up explaining and justifying yourself?

Tapped/slapped you on the face- i imagine this to be a tap similar to how one would tap horse’s cheek for being good. I read this as in his mind ‘you’ve passed’ the boundary pushing tests and therefore are a ‘good girl’.

He sounds offputting tbh. I would listen to your gut and probably not see him again.

Bloody hell, he is a twat.
Dump.

The slap was him testing the water for a bdsm relationship. Which is absolutely not the way to do that so big red flag No.1.

People into BDSM do NOT give unwarranted slaps ffs.

Hence me saying - literally in the next sentence(!) - “which is not the way to do it”.

People engaging in a consensual bdsm relationship will discuss limits and what they’re comfortable with/not comfortable with before they embark on that type of relationship. Did I need to say it all for you?

Hence a red flag!