To see this guy again or not, early red flags?

[yslxx]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy, I don't really go on dates but we were talking for a few weeks beforehand and he seemed ok so I thought why not. When we've been out he comes across as a real gentleman which is something I've never come across to be honest.

I've now been questioning our last date which was Saturday and I'm not sure if I'm just looking into things too much, we had a nice evening out just a drink and dinner. He offered to give me a lift home and I accepted, we had a kiss in his car outside and chatted for a bit, before I went inside he lightly tapped me across the face like a slap it wasn't at all hard but it was just random I thought. I looked at him as if to say wtf an he's just grinning. I don't know if I'm over thinking things or if this is him testing the waters with me and could potentially be abusive in the future.

That evening he also made a comment about make up, he touched my face with one of his fingers then looked at his finger as if to see some make up on there?? Which there wasn't any, he said he doesn't really like it I ask why and he said it's just not good for your skin I do wear make up but not a great deal and I don't have bad skin so now I'm wondering if this is a red flag as well.

I know he's going to ask to meet up again and to be honest I did like him but now I'm unsure like I said it wasn't hard at all and that could be his way of being funny or messing around. Any advice would be appreciated thank you

Don't wait - report that to the police immediately. It may not have been hard but he did touch you in a way that made you uncomfortable and when told no harassed you. The police deal with this sort of thing all the time, they can give you much better advice than we can.

OP, this has gone past the stage of him being inappropriate, to him breaking the law. This is harassment.

I'd send him one last msg in a durable form, text/e-mail/letter and tell him not to contact you again.

Then if he does, you go straight to the Police, take the evidence with you, and make a formal complaint about him.

A ring doorbell is a good idea, as are window locks.
It also wouldn't hurt to ask the Police about other security measures you could take.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, it must be very disconcerting.

Hi OP
Police here - I would mute him.
As previous poster has said I would send a message saying please can you stop contacting and wish him well.
Screenshot any messages so they are time stamped, offenders will often delete if able.
I would contact 101 if he messages / calls again after you message asking him to stop.
You dont have to give statement / go to court etc but contacting the police will create a time lined record of events.
The ring doorbell is a great idea.
If he turns up at your address 999 if you feel threatened.

Take care x

Blimey, he sounds totally unhinged!

Agree with sending one message to say please do not contact me again. If he does i’d get onto 101 straight away and hopefully they will go and have a chat with him.

Yeah just 3 dates .....

Hi there, I'm interested that as police you're saying wish him well then mute him but not saying tell him one step further and she'll go to the police?
Surely muting him with nice soft words without stating she's ready to go to the police will just increase his frustration without letting him know she's serious about police intervention so he might keep escalating given he'll think she's soft to see what her response is?
I would've thought a more FAFO response from the outset would be advisable to nip it in the bud?

I think with someone, who seems potentially unhinged it is probably illegal-advised to warn them first.

Run a mile! So many weirdos!

I would end it now before you get hurt. This is huge red flags. He is testing the waters and seeing how you respond. This is what controlling behaviour starts out like.
End it before you start getting real feelings and end up hurt. It's easy to fall into a toxic relationship but horrifically hard to get out of one.

The timing of it suggests he was back from a night out and pissed as a fart. Hopefully.

But definitely treat him as a potential threat and keep safe: his behaviour on the date was testing boundaries, testing the bars of your "shark cage".

Yes! Another one advising you to contact the police. That just moved away from ‘trying to keep things going’ into stalker territory.
No matter what this man tells you, trust your gut.
This is crazy, crazy behaviour. Take printscreens.

This one is not for you...

Tell him that you are not interested in seeing him again and then block him. Screenshot everything.

If he turns up again, police.

Creepy.

he thinks you're his property.

Definitely get the hell out.

Now early hours this morning I've woken up to 79 missed calls, FaceTimes and phone calls in the space of 20 minutes!! 3am to 3:20. And a couple of texts telling me to answer my phone. FFS

based on your update, demanding you to answer your phone, says he owns you, you must obey him, etc.

dont put up with that shit!

Now early hours this morning I've woken up to 79 missed calls, FaceTimes and phone calls in the space of 20 minutes!! 3am to 3:20. And a couple of texts telling me to answer my phone.

OMG! Notify the police immediately, telling them about the tap on the face and makeup comment, as well as the harassment. Request a Clare’s Law disclosure.

Fit the ring doorbell asap and notify your neighbours straight away, with a photo if you have one, especially if any have a key to your home. Also change the lock barrel (v easy to do yourself in most cases) if he’s had chance to copy your key (e.g. if you’ve spent the night together) though sounds unlikely if it’s just three dates. Does he know where you work? If so, worth alerting the receptionist and/or switchboard. Probably unnecessary but better to take precautions and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Take the police’s advice. IMHO if he knows where you live, I wouldn’t block him straight away. That way you can gauge how he’s thinking, I’d send one very short message asking him not to contact you any more, then ignore any more messages. But copy them, so you have evidence of any ongoing harassment or increased risk. Don’t mention you’ve notified the police. It could make him angry.

Don't wish him well. Nonsense.

I would not see this guy again. No way.

If you are not 100% happy about what he did walk away and block

Your senses are telling you something is not quite right, act on it

OP, report him to 101.
He sounds unhinged and his slapping you was assault.
Claire's law him, I bet he is there.
Screen shot his calling you and messages and report him.

Bloody hell. Read your updates. I would tell him never to contact me again and block.

Hope you are ok OP

I. Never let a man know where I live until I have been seeing him for a long time and I’m very sure of him.

It’s after 8am, that’s a reasonable time to send a final message telling him not to contact you again. If you want to soften it a little, I think you could say “It’s clear that we want different things. A relationship is not going to work. Do not contact me again”.

Well done, op. Absolute amazing work! Two little things you noticed and listened to and were almost immediately proved right. What fantastic instincts and that you're trusted then is brilliant!

yes get the ring door bell. Maybe a camera for the back door too. They are practical anyway.

iid also contact the nonemergency police, tell them as this is stalker type behaviour now. I would be telling you to get a Claire's law if you were not thinking of ending it but now i think you could probably add to what is there already.

@Hereagaintoday Never let a man know where I live until I have been seeing him for a long time and I’m very sure of him.

For the future OP this is sound advice.

.

You're not an idiot - you did really well to pick up on him being weird and dangerous. His behaviour now is a confirmation that your radar is working.