To see this guy again or not, early red flags?

[yslxx]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy, I don't really go on dates but we were talking for a few weeks beforehand and he seemed ok so I thought why not. When we've been out he comes across as a real gentleman which is something I've never come across to be honest.

I've now been questioning our last date which was Saturday and I'm not sure if I'm just looking into things too much, we had a nice evening out just a drink and dinner. He offered to give me a lift home and I accepted, we had a kiss in his car outside and chatted for a bit, before I went inside he lightly tapped me across the face like a slap it wasn't at all hard but it was just random I thought. I looked at him as if to say wtf an he's just grinning. I don't know if I'm over thinking things or if this is him testing the waters with me and could potentially be abusive in the future.

That evening he also made a comment about make up, he touched my face with one of his fingers then looked at his finger as if to see some make up on there?? Which there wasn't any, he said he doesn't really like it I ask why and he said it's just not good for your skin I do wear make up but not a great deal and I don't have bad skin so now I'm wondering if this is a red flag as well.

I know he's going to ask to meet up again and to be honest I did like him but now I'm unsure like I said it wasn't hard at all and that could be his way of being funny or messing around. Any advice would be appreciated thank you

This is so rude! Even if he is not going to become abusive (and we don't know it), he is already disrespecting you. A lack of respect does not bode well. Drop him!

I agree with the other PPs:

• tell him to never contact you again, then mute
• contact the police and report his calls and you feel threatened
• request a Clare's Law report (don't tell him this)
• tell your friends and family all of the above, give them his full name, job, address

I've been on 3 dates with a guy, I don't really go on dates but we were talking for a few weeks beforehand and he seemed ok so I thought why not.

You've done the right thing not to see him again.

But if you're not ready to date, stay off sites where you're chatting to men?
Assuming that's how you met him.

That sounds awful OP. I would be worried too, make sure you let someone close to you know what's going on. As others have mentioned , screenshots and record everything. Send a firm text saying you don't want him to contact you again.

It’s sensible to make him not want you. I deal with negotiation professionally. This isn’t a rational situation. He’s not someone who accepts being rejected.

A message back “I didn’t want to mention it because it’s embarrassing. I’ve got persistent diarrhoea. Need to get properly diagnosed and focus on that. It’s pretty grim. Wishing you all the best.”

WTAF?

Are you on drugs?

Send him one text saying not to contact you again then ring the non emergency number to tell them. At this stage it probably won’t be actionable but once you’ve told him to leave you alone any further contact should be taken more seriously, and they should know the intensity of his escalation. Hope you’re ok @AllProperTeaIsTheft as that sounds scary.

He's testing to see if you are ok with it. A real gentleman would ask if he could kiss you not tap your face or check if you are wearing make up. Remember this is the best it gets. Do not see him again

Honestly, don’t block. Take your phone to the police. Let them know that you are now deeply concerned for your safety as this weirdo knows where you live. Ask for a Sarah’s Law to be run and find out if he has form. (Of course he does.) Ask them to charge him with harrassment/intimidation/anything to get him out of your life.

Good move on the ring doorbell. Make sure you tell a friend all the details.

The touching your face bit is also completely out of order, even without the unacceptable comments about makeup. He was ignoring your right to boundaries and treating your body like he owned it. I would run a mile from someone like that.

How right were your instincts! Always, always trust them.

Get rid asap OP

Contact the Police and report this harassment to them; they will deal with this individual.

As your last relationship was also a shit show I would urge you not to date until your boundaries, skewed as they are by previous poor life experiences and abuse, have been raised markedly. This current subterranean level of boundaries you have make you a very attractive target for all the low life abusive men to hit upon.

Enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme as well and do this in person if at all possible.

I'd give a clear directive to leave you alone, saying the police will be informed if he keeps bothering you.

@yslxx run run run

The slapping thing? And then to dismiss it by laughing. It’s no laughing matter and I can eventually see it morphing into manipulation, no accountability and gaslighting.

The makeup thing, negging and controlling.

Get out of there, there are so many incredible men out there. Run please run

Yep red flags. This is him testing the water. The make up thing is the worst bit for me. The pat on the cheek is weird, sounds like what some old school football coach does.

Omg Just seen your update. I wouldn't block so I could report what he sends to the police ASAP.

I'd be calling the police tbh.

RUN!!!

Ask him not to contact you again. If he does after that, it counts as harassment and you can report.

The makeup thing is very controlling. Throw him back.

Gosh, sorry missed the update.

Sorry - missed the update. Tell him not to contact you again, and contact a stalking charity.