To see this guy again or not, early red flags?

[yslxx]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy, I don't really go on dates but we were talking for a few weeks beforehand and he seemed ok so I thought why not. When we've been out he comes across as a real gentleman which is something I've never come across to be honest.

I've now been questioning our last date which was Saturday and I'm not sure if I'm just looking into things too much, we had a nice evening out just a drink and dinner. He offered to give me a lift home and I accepted, we had a kiss in his car outside and chatted for a bit, before I went inside he lightly tapped me across the face like a slap it wasn't at all hard but it was just random I thought. I looked at him as if to say wtf an he's just grinning. I don't know if I'm over thinking things or if this is him testing the waters with me and could potentially be abusive in the future.

That evening he also made a comment about make up, he touched my face with one of his fingers then looked at his finger as if to see some make up on there?? Which there wasn't any, he said he doesn't really like it I ask why and he said it's just not good for your skin I do wear make up but not a great deal and I don't have bad skin so now I'm wondering if this is a red flag as well.

I know he's going to ask to meet up again and to be honest I did like him but now I'm unsure like I said it wasn't hard at all and that could be his way of being funny or messing around. Any advice would be appreciated thank you

Claires Law is for women who are getting into relationships with those men. At 3 dates in and deciding she isn't going to see him again, it doesn't apply and no disclosure will be made.

79 messages over a tiny space of time in the small hours?

Mask well and truly off, there.

He's enraged because you withdrew his supply of fear and controllability. They thrive on it - and you have said No.

Thank your lucky stars he couldn't control himself and play the long game, revealing himself so early.

I woke up to another text apologising for the calls and that he’d just wanted to speak to me, how he was getting feelings for me and how he’s upset I’ve called things of and that he wanted a serious relationship with me. I felt like replying back saying are you taking the f piss? We met 3 times. Hes never been in my house and it was only the last date we kissed, not slept together thank god, shouldn’t be this hard to end something after such a short amount of time. Anyway, I text back saying something similar as the last I’m sorry but a lot has come up at work I don’t have the time to date at the moment. He hasn’t replied. Just feel like I’m pussyfooting around him but feel like it’s probably my best bet for now. He’s tried following me on other social media which I’ve just left there for now. And yes 79 calls in 20 minutes.. even if he was pissed up which he probably was that’s insane lol. About the “slap” I did say it wasn’t hard at all and more like a tap but still it just didn’t sit right with me it come out of nowhere and was just random. Even play fighting with ex’s they’ve never touched my face. Made me think he just wanted to see my reaction to it and if possible further down the line these little taps could potentially get harder. Thank you all for your replies. And like another had poster had wrote it didn't take him long to show his true colours, normally people like this can hold of for months can't they? So god knows what he'd be a couple of months down the road.

Be vigilant. It doesn't sound like he's going to go away in a hurry.

He sounds a bit mad to be honest with all the bleeding heart shizz after three dates. You might be really hot mind!

But OP, does this mean you have not stated clearly and finally that you do not want him to contact you? As others said, that's necessary in case he continues this persistence and you have to show evidence to police that you have requested no contact. It's useful at least that he showed his true colours this early, but this sounds like a new tactic of trying being 'nice but hurt' in case that might work on you... These people have a repertoire as I'm sure you know.

You need to handle it in the way that makes you feel the most comfortable and safe, even if that means pussyfooting around. If he does contact you again you may need to be firmer. Men like this will only hear what they want to hear, so "I don’t have the time to date at the moment" could translate in stalker language to you will date him in a couple of weeks when you are less busy. Hopefully you've heard the last of him, but get that camera fitted anyway, be vigilant, and be prepared for him to keep pushing.

He's justifying his harassment and obsessive phone calls because he's developed feelings? Lots of people develop feelings for someone who rejects them, but healthy people respect their choice and move on.
As others have said, I reckon you need to tell him directly you're not interested and ask him not to contact you again. It sounds harsh, but it covers yourself if he does take the harassment further and also doesn't allow him to delude himself that he has a chance with you.
But your instincts were spot on, well done for noticing the odd behaviour quickly and listening to your gut!

What happened to the days when you told someone you weren't keen and they sloped off to luck their.wounds in private? She should t have to "clearly and finally" tell him she doesn't want contact - a man you barely know should not need this level of telling.

Op, I think it's very sad you have to pussyfoot around but I think it's not surprising you feel that way. As much as possible, just ignore. I think its likely he will send you some messages that are much more unpleasant in due course. Sadly.

That's entirely untrue.

@yslxx i still think you now message and say
Please do Not contact me again . It’s been three dates this is insane .
If it continues I will need to contact the police .
Good bye

I wouldn't bother with clares law for someone who have no intention of even speaking to again. Waste of resources. If he contacts you again, tell him not to and report to police as per advice given. Keep safe.

i would message once to say:

Let me be very clear:I do not wish to pursue a relationship with you. Please do not contact me again. If you do, I will have no option but to report your harassment to the police.

Then delete / block him on everything.
Make sure you keep copies / screen shots of everything he has sent, just in case.

I wouldn’t block him, but I wouldn’t reply again.

He’sa total nutter. Thank god you seen the red flags and walked.

NOPE
I had an ex who use to pretend slap me, it was weird he thought it was just a bit of fun 🙄
Then he started to become highly critical the complete opposite to how he was when we first met.
Looking back now the pretend slaps were just him pushing boundaries to see how far he could go with me.

I absolutely would have said 'it's 3 dates in, so sod off woth the 'feelings' bullshit'. Up to a point, politely trying to get rid is wise. But it's unwise to come accross as weak.

You need to be very clear 'do not contact me again'. Or he's just going to pretend to think you're 'busy for a little while'.

Get on the next flight leave change your name and go in hiding 🫠🫠

Please atleast log it with the police or a friend a few infact, please be extra careful ❕ ❤️🙏

I'm concerned you even need to ask! Block and run!

It's not necessary to clearly and specifically tell him you don't want contact. It can help but it is a myth that it's necessary to do so in order to report for harassment/stalking. It is clear you are ending the relationship. What IS necessary is for you to stop responding (if safe to do so).

I wouldn't advise blocking. This could increase the risk of him turning up and you will find it harder to provide evidence if you do. If he turns up or makes threats, call the police.

A Clare's Law application is not a waste of resources. His past may be a reliable predictor of the future and the info could help you safely plan.

I'd give the National Stalking Helpline a call if I were you. They can help you head this off. This is my sector and we help people in this kind of situation all the time.

I hope you’re ok OP.

Walk away.

You've handled it perfectly.
Don't engage with him at all any longer, he's had your 2 messages stating you don't want to see him again.
Any contact from you will lead to bargaining or abusive language.

I've not wanted to date or continue dating a few guys OLD, to reassure you, even if they don't take it well (millions of missed calls etc) it often burns itself out if you don't contact them at all after that point.

Ring doorbell is a very good idea, as is keeping your sm locked down.

I think you did great, you trusted your gut, sort advice on here & followed it, you're doing great. It's so hard when there are so many ways a man can be a dick head and dating does make you feel vulnerable.

You dodged a huge bullet.
He is an abuser and, just as you correctly interpret it, he was testing the waters to see if you are willing to take in the abuse.
Save as much as you can of your interactions, but don't antagonise him. Just keep the evidence if he starts a smear campaign with mutual friends.

Ghost him.

Just count your blessing for spotting the red flags before becoming enmeshed in trusting him and distrusting your own judgment

Thank you all. I had a message last night saying I must of been seeing another guy the whole time and what a fraud I am apparently. I didn't reply and just blocked him so hopefully that's the end of that, and I have the ring door bell up now.

You’ve done the right thing blocking, he is 100% baiting you for a response